The Ultimate Transition Test?

I am sending along good vibes to one of my fellow trans woman bloggers: Francine who writes the In Transition blog.  For the past several weeks she has been ill and similar to me has faced the probability of hitching up her "big girl panties" and going to the Doc as her chosen gender.

I can only say for me, my initial medical visits rated right up there with some of my scariest life changing moments yet as a transgender woman.  

I also tell those of you considering HRT -factor in doctor's visits.  Especially if you have put a few more years into your body (like I have.) As with anything else in life though, hormones are a gamble. They have wonderful benefits and scary risks. I always say at this point "God bless the cross dressers." They are able to present as a woman and get some sort of release for their "genderality" 

I also know of those of you who consider yourselves transgender women without SRS and HRT. That's all good too.  

At the end of the day, when we pass on, I hope we have a chance to look back and wonder just why we had to put up with all this hassle.

In the meantime, I knew I hadn't lived until my one doctor asked me to show my breasts to his resident. He wanted to show the difference in a man with "moobs" and a trans woman on HRT.  The areola, according to him is the difference.

I figure too, all of this may be preparing me for any future "nursing home" time I may be facing as my life winds down. Who knows though, I may attract a rich widow? As I told Kim and Nikki recently, everytime we go to one of their lesbian parties, there is at least one curious interested party in the room. (Don't tell Liz!)

On a very serious side-Francine, I hope you are better!

A Woman Driver?

I believe about a week ago I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo about a fender bender wreck I had at a gas station. As I suspected immediately, he did not have car insurance as about a third of the people around there don't have.

At any rate Liz's 17 yr old son and I deducted my "Rolls Royce" wasn't heavily damaged and I was prepared to let scratched fenders be  scratched fenders and move on- after I took pictures of his drivers license, car tags etc. During that time he was busily calling me "mam" and we exchanged phone numbers.

A couple days ago I sent him the bill from my mechanic's fully expecting not to hear back-but I was wrong.  He called today.  The problem is/was I have a terrible voice presentation on the phone and I was expecting a call from my insurance company.  So I was doomed to be Cyrsti's brother (which I hate) on the phone before I even got started. Later on though, we found the car was slightly damaged and suffered a broken strut.

After I answered, he said, he hit a female last week and wanted to meet up with her so he can pay the bill. I said I would have Cyrsti call him and set up a place. Then I had to beg Liz to call for me. Of course she will go with me for safety to get paid, but I get to collect.

What a tangled gender world we weave!

Tipping the Gender Scale

When someone asks me a specific question about attempting to go full time as a trans woman, I have a simple answer for an ultra complicated deal: Get your "pretty in pink" rear out of the mall and into real life. After a while you learn if you really want to tip your gender into where you always considered it to be. And then cross the magical, mysterious and highly scary line from being a cross dresser into living as a transgender woman.

Before I put myself up on a pedestal, my journey was hugely pushed along by friends who refused to accept than anything I was-trans and a woman at that. I was pushed into situations such as an NFL Monday Night Football game, a "lesbian wing girl" and of course, a trip to Mardi Gras.  Even still, all of those were just experiences and not everyday life. 

Recently, I have read several posts calling for cross dressers to come out- be counted and how do CD's fit in with the transgender community. In my never humble opinion, totally. With reservations of course. 

My easiest example to relate to all of you is the story of my deceased wife calling me a "terrible woman" back in the mid 80's. I thought she was nuts and said the public didn't think so. She explained (bluntly) she wasn't talking about how I looked at all. Fast forwarding thirty plus years, I searched, searched and ultimately ran like hell from the fact I was indeed transgender. Since she has passed of course I have no problem with saying she was right!!!!

But-in no way is cross dressing a "gateway" process to becoming transgender. All cross dressing will do is provide an avenue to explore your own "genderality." Plus, there is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing yourself as a cross dressing male! After all, what is the real harm?

So, good luck with tipping your "gender scale." For years I knew which way mine was going and was afraid I could never get back. Then I discovered I didn't want to.