Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Merging

Yesterday was a prime example of the world closing in on me-or the opposite.  I went early to the convenience store down the street and the deli to run my errands and I just didn't bother to tuck my pony tail out of the back of my ball hat and (quoting Crosby, Stills  Nash & Young from Almost Cut my Hair Today) - I let my "Freak Flags Fly" although I inserted "Trans Flag."

Predictably, I had a couple **generics who wanted to chat about it and I was just tired of making excuses about how I came to have all this hair, and we exchanged ideas about the seasons, styles and colors.  On the most basic level, both of them just knew I had entered their world of expertise because surely guys can have the amount of hair I have around here, but few color it as I do and even fewer on a seasonal basis. Paraphrasing what Pat said in a comment about me in another post, yes I am one of the peeps in the "social" category and those two women probably couldn't care less if I was transgender, gender fluid, androgynous or gay.  That is my cross to bear and it is getting heavy so I am into my own "Don't ask, Don't Tell and Who Cares?" mode.

It's just another instance of closing one gender life and beginning another - on my home turf. (Which I never set out to do-I wanted to do it elsewhere for the most part). But why not? Destiny ultimately pushes us in one direction or another and she gave me a giant push!  I dislike it so though when she gloats and says, "I told you so-dummy!"



**generic- born female

Sugar Buzz?

I have a couple dear generic friends who have dealt with weight problems as women most of their adult lives. In fact one of them who reads the blog is a pound short of losing 200 pounds!!! Wow Yay!!! Min! (And a totally sweet person.)

When I whine and cry to my partner about being the cause of a "whip lash" neck injury or a facial smirk to a generic; on occasion she will say "I know, I have been an over weight woman-shut up already!" I understand a lifetime of insecurity about my looks!

Of course she is right and we go on with our lives, with or without the world.

The appearance topic is one I will be discussing here in Cyrsti's Condo and in a couple of my Frock Magazine articles. If you are considering a gender transition, how much will appearance play into it?  To put it bluntly, most of us will never be able to achieve a very high level of feminine beauty.  But-if that is all you are after, stay where you are in the system.  After all, jumping from being a cross dresser to a transgender person is a big move and one I would argue has nothing at all to do with appearance.

For what it's worth, here is the path I used.  Very early in the game as I started to venture out, I just wanted to see if I could navigate the feminine world at all.  I found I did have an innate sense of my own style, dressed towards it and managed to blend.  I found that shopping and "walking the malls" looking at myself in mirrors was OK-for awhile.  When I started to interact with the public was when I began to discover how natural I was, or could be. I called it "jumping out of the mirror and into the world."

The process was intensely personal, euphoric and painful at the same time.

If my generic friends were writing this, or if my deceased wife was "ghost writing it", they all would say mere appearance is a shallow gateway into the girl's sandbox. Embracing the layers of a woman's existence is a whole other experience!  Easy to get all dolled up and get your sugar buzz on in your heels and hose princess, but what happens after the buzz? I am so not in to telling others they are right-but they are.

So, if you are considering transitioning, have fun and enjoy the girl part of your appearance but just remember- the sugar buzz always goes away after you have eaten cotton candy and the real world is waiting.