Dream Weaver

I know there are several of you who join us on the blog who believe in the meaning of dreams.
Truly it's another one of those vague philosophies I don't believe or disbelieve in.
Now, for the first time in my life I am encountering a reoccurring set of frustrating rest inhibiting dreams. No, they are not nightmares.
Basically, here is how these set of dreams have fallen into a real pattern.
In them, I'm always stuck in situations where for what ever reason there is no way out.
Let me reiterate, I'm not in any physical danger. It's more as if I'm stuck in different kinds of mental mazes and trying to find the exit.
Whatever I'm trying to do however,  I can't find the right items or people to get it done. The situations I'm in change but the lack of resolution stays the same.
 Either I wake up or wake myself up in a total state of frustration. 
Of course I'm always trying to connect the dots with all of this to my transgendered feelings or even the changing of the hormones in my body
Maybe my subconscious is transferring the process to my dreams?
I don't know.
I have always prided myself in being tenacious if nothing else. I just know that during one of these dreams I will finally solve whatever problem or situation I'm facing.
I know I am solving my gender dysfunction in my everyday life. I just have to convince my subconscious I guess!

I am Transgendered

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Evening Spring Storms

Well it took awhile, tomorrow marks three full months on hormones.
 As I sat on my porch watching a thunderstorm roll in, here they came. First a deep melancholy enveloped me.
Not a deep dark cloud like the ones above me. Just a deep sense of what my life used to be and how different it was and...it was utterly and completely gone.
Then came moisture in my eyes followed by deep sobs that actually became painful after a while. The truth was nothing in my being had prepared me for this moment. Living as an emotional rock shielded me from this moment of vulnerability.
The odd part was I was not sobbing out of despair.  Deep down my soul told me I was where I needed to be and where I needed to go. I was saying goodbye to an era of life and loved ones I will never see again. No they didn't reject me, they are deceased.
I lived through a great bit of pain but wouldn't accept the sorrow.
As tears blur my eyes again, the storm has passed and the evening stars are shining bright!