Evening Spring Storms

Well it took awhile, tomorrow marks three full months on hormones.
 As I sat on my porch watching a thunderstorm roll in, here they came. First a deep melancholy enveloped me.
Not a deep dark cloud like the ones above me. Just a deep sense of what my life used to be and how different it was and...it was utterly and completely gone.
Then came moisture in my eyes followed by deep sobs that actually became painful after a while. The truth was nothing in my being had prepared me for this moment. Living as an emotional rock shielded me from this moment of vulnerability.
The odd part was I was not sobbing out of despair.  Deep down my soul told me I was where I needed to be and where I needed to go. I was saying goodbye to an era of life and loved ones I will never see again. No they didn't reject me, they are deceased.
I lived through a great bit of pain but wouldn't accept the sorrow.
As tears blur my eyes again, the storm has passed and the evening stars are shining bright!