Full Circle!

I enjoyed a special week this week.
I went out on my first date ever with a guy.  As I've written a number of times, as recently as a year ago I really didn't want much part of it.
The change in thinking has been gradual. When I did attract positive male attention, I accepted it as validation of how I looked.
As we all know, on line attention is 98% trashy. I've been approached by guys with sexual ideas I didn't even know existed. Most all are very sure if I'm transgendered I'm ready to jump into the nearest hotel room to fulfill their fantasies. Some are frustrated former crossdressers who live their fantasies through me and I really have no problem with them as such. As a transgendered girl, however I demand the same respect they would give to a genetic woman.
Every once in a while, a seemingly real guy surfaces. Not a hotel Romeo. Not really up on transgender life but is intrigued by my picture and profile. That guy came around about 6 months ago.
Very briefly we chatted about life. We exchanged emails and finally decided to meet in person.
Fortunately we made the plan only a couple days before, so I had less time to be really nervous.  How would I react? Could I pull it off? It turned out I didn't have to pull it off at all!
I carefully picked out an outfit that had some edge to it but was conservative at the same time. A basic top, long open sweater and my favorite jeans with flats. I felt I looked the best I could with what I had to work with.
We picked a place that I would most comfortable and I arrived a little early. (To try to calm down)
As I sat there, I remembered the first time I came to this place. My first trip out as a girl to a straight venue nearly 12 years ago and I was scared to death! As luck would have it one of the bartenders from that night was working and I tried to sit as close as I could to the seat I had. Indeed I was coming full circle. Scared on that first night to just be out and scared 12 years later on a date.
He arrived and we exchanged a hug and my first two impressions were that he was a good looking guy and a big one!
From that point, I didn't have to "pull it off". My natural inner girl just took over. My best description would be my male self was in a trance-and gone. She took over the controls and was doing what comes naturally.
She had served her time in the shadows and now was having fun.
Two hours or so went by in seconds it seemed. The euphoria lasted much longer.
Of course I had to talk to my BFF about the date! She is a genetic girl and listened with amused intent.She said "do you think he will call you again?" That's what real women deal with". Get used to it!
Well, he did.

Wrong Place-Wrong Time-Right Reason

You want to do what?
A very drunk guy who obviously had the alcoholic courage to approach me asked me that question.
He started with the usual "are you a guy or a girl" and proceeded to bore me from there. First I told him "if you were sure I was a girl you wouldn't have asked the question." If  I was a genetic female, I would have been highly upset.
By this time I was thinking-can he please be done? Leave me alone and find a new interest. In addition my bartender friend was starting to monitor the situation.
Of course, he wasn't done. "If your a guy, why would you want to dress like a woman" popped out of his mouth.
Before I go any farther, I would like to point out these are questions I would routinely answer from rational people.
My answer? "I do it because I want to and I do it because I can."
By this time, he was really starting to annoy me so I made the proper eye contact with the bartender and the adventure was over.
Later, when I was mulling over the incident in my mind-I thought it was a shame the guy had to be drunk when he asked those questions.
It is true it was none of his business. On the other hand, if we are ever going to educate people about transgender individuals-this is the way.  We are teachers every time we are in the public's eye.
I think most people have no conception of what being transgender is all about.
They knew that "Uncle Frank"used to wear ladies panties and they know who "Ru Paul" is. That's about it except for the great exposure we get on the "Springer" show. The burden falls on us to change some of that.
I believe it is changing for the younger generation and for me too.
When I first started living as a girl two or three times a week, the people who approached me were almost exclusively female. As time went on more men approached. Now, not much of any.
I have several theories.  I'm more comfortable in my female role. Humans are predators and will circle like sharks if they sense something is wrong. Better yet is the theory that people are learning transgendered people are just that-people.
I really hope that theory is the right one!
Realistically I know we have such a long way to go. In the meantime it is nice to think I might be following in the high heeled steps of some the transgender pioneers such as"Virginia Prince".
It's nice to be needed!

Transgender Survival Guide

Here is one many personal looks  into the funny and not so funny life on the gender divide! Enjoy!
It may be time to soften your look when-a little girl looks at me and says to Mom "Look Mommy at the big woman. The big MEAN woman!" At least she saw me as a woman.
You KNEW it wouldn't work but you tried it anyway. That mini skirt sure looked good on that teen aged girl. Not so much on you. In that big box store. In the middle of all those not so upscale shoppers with something to say.
Maybe YOU should have asked for her feminine hygiene product? You left yours in another purse. When the time came to pass another girl test I failed. Another woman asked me for a spare tampon. I couldn't tell if she was checking to see if I EVER really needed one, or if she really did.
She was only trying to help! Yet another restroom misadventure. Somehow I managed to get some TP stuck in my belt in a store restroom. As I left a woman said "excuse me mam". As I froze in panic, she said " you have a piece of paper stuck to you belt".  Relief turned to extreme embarrassment! Lesson of the day-use ALL the mirrors available.
I CAN'T go dammit! I finally get the magic invitation to go to the ladies' room from a girl setting next to me at a pub one night. My first such invite.I didn't have to go but couldn't turn down the chance. Upon arrival, in adjoining stalls I couldn't pee a drop and wondered if she noticed. If you don't know,  a woman's flow makes a very distinctive louder sound.  Without being too graphic, you have to aim straight down to duplicate. By the way the girl never said anything and we fixed our makeup and went back to the bar.
The ship goes down! My new beautiful boots on their maiden voyage. Hair flowing, tight tucked in jeans, low cut sweater doing my best to look good and sexy! NOT when I slipped and fell.. In a sports bar. In the midst of a predominately male crowd. I wasn't planning on leaving until then! No the boots were NOT high heeled stilettos.  A moderate wide heel is all that was needed to take a fall. There had to be a woman in that crowd that thought "why was that bitch wearing those boots anyway?"
I think I know what I'm doing? I was shopping for clothes when a well meaning clerk was positive I need help in selecting female basics. "This is a bra, these are some panties."  Really? I'm fairly sure I'm standing in front of you dressed totally as a girl so I might have an idea of how it happened!
It gets worse! One clerk told me " You need to cover up those big old legs" I calmly told her "at least you can cover legs, how about your figure?"
I've got you under my spell. Our eyes meet in a crowded room and we just can't turn away. Is it love or lust or just another clerk in a store. You guessed right-another clerk. I feel like some sort of hypnotist.  "Look into my eyes!" Oh wait, you already are! What now? I'm flattered, or scared?
You aren't flustered are you? Were you the bagger in the grocery store that lost all coordination and vocal skills as you bagged my groceries? I could just imagine what the female cashier said to him after I left. Poor guy was just trying to be nice when he volunteered to help take my groceries to the car! I was just wearing a long sweater, short skirt and flats. Doesn't everyone?
The fun part about this is, it's a continuing process. My part time girl life is never boring and lessons are never complete.
As you've guessed or already know, crossing the gender boundary and coming back is huge task.  What you take for granted isn't. What you don't take for granted is.
One thing is for certain. I will have plenty to add to this. In the mean time, thanks to all the well meaning good people I've met who have helped me on the way.