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| Image from Robin Edqvist on UnSplash. |
Last night I had one of those dreams I always had hoped I would have when I was young. I dreamed I was dressing myself into a pretty woman and actually going out into the world. The experience was different because of some reason I still dream that I am male in the vast majority of dreams that I have.
Even better, the usual suspects in my world at the time were
all present and encountered for in my dream. To the point I was even sneaking
around my second wife’s back to cross dress. Another interesting point was my
hair. As many of you know, through the power of genetics and HRT, I have been
able to grow an amazing head of thick long hair at the age of seventy-six.
Going without wigs and having my own hair styled was always an impossible dream
for me, until it magically happened. Which is an experience for another blog
post.
In the dream, I remember trying to choose between wearing a
wig and brushing out my own hair, which I chose. For some reason, I was trying
to throw caution to the wind and go out for something to eat with just women’s
clothes, my hair and no makeup. Also, I was calling my wife at work to make
sure she was still there, which was something I always did back then to not get
caught. My second wife was the one I lost to a heart attack at the age of fifty
and when and if I dream of her, she always is a blur. So, I was surprised when
she appeared in this dream. My guess is it is because my habit of sneaking
around her back and cross dressing was so prevalent in my life at that time
that it stuck in my subconscious. And it just decided to make an unscheduled
surprise appearance.
In the past, I have corresponded with other transgender
women on how many of their dreams were with which gender. Interestingly, many
of them responded that they dream mostly as women. I do too, sometimes, but
mainly I am stuck with being a man in my dreamworld. Perhaps it is because I
needed to battle so hard to maintain and even advance in a male world, I wanted
no part of. I just needed to survive. That portion of my life still equals roughly
two thirds of my time on this planet. So, the more time I spend as a
transfeminine person should equal out to the more dream time I have as a woman.
Exactly like when I was young and could not wait to go to sleep
and dream of waking up as a pretty girl, this morning I did not want to wake up
and rejoin reality. It made no sense to me why I felt that way because I have
been so fortunate to have been living a transgender dream in a real world for
over a decade now. I guess change comes slow in my subconscious, and I should
take advantage of still living part time on the other side of the gender border
(male).
I suppose I should be lucky I don’t have gender dreams which
turn into nightmares. I do hope I have the chance to meet my second wife in
another world after I die and finally learn that she accepts me and not just
in a dream. Afterall, she was right when she told me to man up and be a woman. I finally did and became happy.
