You are Such a Girl

Boho Woman from Brooke
Cagle on UnSplash

Jen recently responded to my comment about walking in heels on stairs while being slightly intoxicated. 

Jen, who I have known for years happens to be a cis-gender woman and said she has never mastered the art of walking in heels. I have always appreciated knowing Jen because of her acceptance of me as my authentic transgender self from the first time we met. As far as me judging her for not wearing heels, it never happened. 

Perhaps, I quit judging women from their footwear came primarily because all of the women I socialized with were not the girly-girly types and never wore heels. At that time, I still could wear heels but decided not to because of adding to my height as a trans woman. All my friends were shorter than me and I did not want to tower over them. 

Being such a girl, did not reach all the way to wearing makeup and the feminine clothes I wore. In order to stand any sort of a chance to present well as a novice transgender woman or cross dresser, I needed to take advantage of all the benefits which makeup gave me. In fact, when my second wife was alive, she used to call me the "pretty, pretty princess" in response to all the time I took to apply my makeup. When she wore little to none. Obviously she didn't have to worry about the benefits of fashion to just exist in the world as a feminine person. 

As my life progressed and changed, my knowledge and application of makeup needed to also. While it was obvious I still needed to take advantage of cosmetics, the new pressure was on to look natural while I did it. In other words, to appear as if I wasn't trying too hard. I desperately needed to blend in with my group of cis-women friends who again did not wear any makeup at all. It was during this time in my life when I really began to step up my skin care routine. I made sure I was able to apply a good moisturizer after everytime I exfoliated or shaved. The entire process enabled me to use less foundation and achieve a more natural look. I was also given a positive head start on when I started gender affirming hormones (HRT) which naturally allowed my skin to soften and smooth out. 

Of course, my basic fashion sense came into play and I was given a head start by my feminine preferences in clothes. Growing up, I had always admired all girls, tomboys and all. They were the women who were able to show off their so called masculine side without anyone questioning their basic gender or sexuality. While I had to play the same old male game of never showing a softer side. I took it in stride the best I could and later on became a big fan of women in "Boho" fashion and bell bottom jeans, In fact, I loved them so much, I was harassed at several transvestite mixers I went to when I wore my pants. Comments were why don't you wear a dress because you can wear pants anytime were common. I politely told the other attendees to mind their own business and went on about my own. 

Wearing pants before my HRT hormonal days involved extra attention given to how my hips and rear appeared in woman's clothes. Similar to so many others, I resorted to using foam rubber inserts in my panty hose to give me the illusion of hips. Depending on the top I was wearing, I pulled off the illusion fairly well without having to resort to wearing restrictive undergarments such as girdles which to me took away much of the sensory pleasure I was feeling at the time. 

I guess you can say, compared to many of the other cross dressers or transgender women I knew at the time, I went rogue in my approach to being feminine. For whatever reason, I always admired the women who could take a tomboy look and work it into a fabulous fashion statement. 

I hope I provided Jen with a little feedback on the way I feel about her never wearing heels and how much I appreciate her (along with all you others) for reading and commenting on the blog. Thank you!