Arrival

Image from the Jessie Hart
Archives circa 2010

The beginning of 2024 has given me the opportunity to look back at the years of my life when I became very serious about the reality of entering the feminine world and living as a transgender woman fulltime. This post my give you some sort of an idea of the time sequence I went through in my lengthy gender transition. 

The year was 2010 and three years had passed after my second wife had died. In those three years, I had a brief fling with another single woman as my old male self. Predictably the relationship didn't last and we both moved on. Not before she stood me up on a summer in the park outdoor concert I invited her to. Not to worry, I dressed in my best concert clothes and took my inner female instead. I ended up learning quite a bit and enjoyed myself immensely. Until my wife Liz came along, I was certainly my own best friend. 

As it turned out, 2010 also was the year I decided to go down the road of gender affirming hormones as I sought to change my outward appearance as much as possible. Little did I know, how much the hormones would change my internal life also. It seemed as much as my emotional outlook changed, my entire view of the world softened as my testosterone "edge" disappeared. To highlight my trip down the new road in my life, my first dosage of the new hormones came that year when Liz joined me for a special evening as we were out celebrating New Years Eve.

Even though I had officially started this new path in my life, I found I still had a long way to go. Arriving meant I needed to do more than take gender affirming hormones and feel the part. Then, more than ever, I needed to walk the walk and talk the talk of being a full fledged transgender woman. Meeting the world one on one proved to be both exciting and terrifying as I needed to give up all the male privileges I had fought so long to earn over the years. I learned quickly how I would be barred from any future benefits of being in the men's club. Plus, at the same time. I needed to quickly understand all the responsibilities of being allowed in the women's club. Early on, it took me awhile to see any real benefits from being a trans woman except for the occasional man who would open a door for me.

In the meantime, arrival also meant having to learn things such as a whole new way of just using the restroom. No longer was just peeing taken to such a high level of etiquette. I needed to train myself to look other women in the eye and smile when I used the woman's room and be certain to always stop and check my makeup plus wash my hands no matter how threatened I felt. All of this was just a start.

In essence, arriving also meant being able to relax and enjoy myself in public as my authentic self for the first time in my life. So 2010 was a landmark year for me but at the same time was just the beginning. 

When I was stuck so many years as a closeted cross dresser, little did I know how bright and exciting the world would become as I started to arrive.