It Feels Like a Dream

Liz on my left
from the Jessie Hart Archives

Today is my therapy day which happens two times a month. I have been fortunate in that I have had the same Veteran's Administration psychologist since the beginning for nearly ten years now. She has been by my side through several difficult times such as providing me documents I needed for my legal name change. as well as HRT.

Looking back at the decade, the whole feminization process seems like a dream mainly because of the hormone replacement therapy my therapist helped me to be approved for. Overall the process has been positive for me. An example was this morning when it was one of the days I change my Estradiol patches for my HRT. It's the time I have a chance to reflect on all the changes I have gone through. Although my breast size and hair growth has evened out, it seems it is time now for my hips to develop. I can really feel the difference when I put my jeans or leggings on. Some days I feel just like a teenaged girl going through puberty. 

Most likely it is because of the time I spent acting as if I was a successful man. All of the time I spent cross dressing as a guy I was dreaming of what it would be like to live as a fulltime transgender woman. Now that I am here, I know I have made the right decision. Not only do I live a feminine life, I have found a loving spouse to share my new life with. How fortunate can a person be? There is no way I thought I would make it this far in life to begin with and be with someone else again for the rest of my life. I thought my quota of people who loved me, such as my ex wives would be over when my second wife passed away. I was prepared to live the rest of my life alone.

I found out too, my successful transgender dream was far from me achieving it alone. I was fortunate to have found such wonderful people to help me along the way. Of course I already mentioned my therapist and my wife Liz but there were so many others who made my dream a realty by accepting  me for who I was. A prime example was when I first moved in with Liz and started to go with her to her Wiccan meetings. I was accepted into the circle with no strings attached. The entire process gave me the confidence to move forward in my life. I thank Debra among others for the help. Plus I cannot forget women such as Kim and Nikki who taught me so much about the feminine world and made it possible to live my dream. 

Lessons learned included realizingly living a feminine life meant so much more than just doing my best to perfect a feminine presentation. All along I knew women lived a much more layered and challenging life than a man but now I had to try to live it by walking and talking many miles in their shoes. 

Dreams are fleeting and often are mixed in with nightmares if you are not careful. Slip ups and set backs are always a part of the process. When the process involves gender dysphoria and changes, the dream becomes that much more challenging. But then again so rewarding when your dreams come true.

Finally thanks to all of you who read my blogging. Your visits and interaction make the effort so worthwhile.