Should We Stay or Go
Perhaps you have heard of former Navy Seal Kristin Beck deciding to de transition from Kristin (a transgender woman) back to their original male self Chris Beck.
I have followed Beck for years. In fact I donated a few dollars to their political campaign many years ago.
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While I was not so disappointed they de-transitioned, I was disappointed when I thought what anti transgender activists would make of the move. We transgender women and trans men are under too much pressure to begin with. Regardless, it is everyone's personal prerogative to do what they desire with their gender.
I'm sure in most of our gender journeys at one time or another we have thought about going back to our previous selves. If I go back to my early purges when I threw out most of my feminine belongings, each time I felt this was it. I would never have the desire to look like or be a woman again. It never failed, after a very brief period of gender relief, I would always go back to what turned out to be a return to a strong desire to replenish my wardrobe of feminine necessities. In fact, not only did I add new items to my "collection" I was able on occasion to add accessories from other cross dresser acquaintances who decided to purge at approximately the same time. One in particular had to empty out his secret storage unit before his unapproving spouse caught on. As I remember, I inherited a very realistic set of silicon breast forms I couldn't easily afford.
As I slowly stair stepped my way up the cross dressing ladder. I became too serious and ended up quickly separating myself from the so called "hobbyists" who claimed they casually put on women's clothes as a hobby. I found I more closely aligned myself with the more serious cross dressers who were headed towards living fulltime as what was known in those days as a transsexual. I had no idea if I was able to give up my successful male life to do it but on occasion I felt so natural when I was in feminine mode, I didn't see how I could ever give it up and return to a fulltime male life. I remember vividly the parties I went to at a friends house in nearby Columbus, Ohio which usually always included an impossibly feminine person or two I could measure myself against as I tried to determine my gender status.
I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through the stress and tension it would take to go through a transgender transition in a very public eye. We all were witness to the overall debacle which was the Jenner transition. Now we have the Chris Beck de-transition to deal with. I hate to think both of these ill fated moves has determined what people may think about me. What we, as transgender people, need to prove is we are not going back to our old selves not even thinking how easy it would be. Plus I wonder, no matter what, if one could jump the gender frontier without having lasting memories of how easy or difficult it was to live our truths.
I just hope de-transitioners finally find their happiness.