Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

 

Semantics

 We received a comment from Connie on our Allies versus Accomplishes post:

"Although I understand the concept of being more than an ally, I just can't use the word "accomplice" to define it. The word has such a negative connotation, and literally means a person who helps another commit a crime. I am a transgender woman, and being one is absolutely no crime!

I think that there are those who are sympathetic transgender allies, and others who are empathetic transgender allies. One can be sympathetic to the cause, but it requires empathy to really support a transgender individual. In my own life, I have encountered people who range from intolerant, to tolerant, to accepting, to sympathetic, to empathetic. There are fewer at each end of that range, and although I have successfully moved some up a notch, I have found it to be more difficult to convince the intolerant to be tolerant, and the sympathetic to be empathetic.

My own wife was intolerant of my feminine-self for quite some time, but that was my fault for not talking about it. She even went so far as to leave the Bible on the counter for me to see and read Deuteronomy 22:5 (the verse is about cross dressing, calling it an abomination - although it is actually about dressing in the garments of the other gender for illicit purposes, and is not necessarily an abomination in itself). Interesting, here, that my wife's support for my cross dressing for illicit reasons would have made her an accomplice. Anyway, it took a few years for her to really become the empathetic ally she is today. Aside from other trans people I know, one of my daughters could be added to my list of empathetic allies (the other daughter is still struggling to get past acceptance to sympathetic).

I came out to an old friend a few years ago, and he seemed, at first, to be accepting of me as a trans woman. I remember so well that he used the words: "I don't care" when I first told him. Over the following months, with him only seeing me in feminine appearance, I had to make countless corrections of his dead naming. I finally went to a lot of effort to explain to him how that was hurtful to me. Afterward, it wasn't but a few minutes before he actually called me Connie - only to hem and haw and then "correct" himself by saying my dead name. When I told him he was right the first time, his answer was: "Whatever." I then told him that the truth of it was in his first declaration of "I don't care." Even if I were to generously say that he was accepting, he was certainly not sympathetic. I cut all ties with him after that, anyway, with the full knowledge that he was incapable of ever really caring at all.

We should all be so lucky as to have many empathetic allies. I think that having many sympathetic ones would be enough. As such, we would have people around us who would, most likely, advocate for us. In fact, an advocate is more than just an ally, and is a much better word than accomplice."

Kami Sid

From Wikipedia: " Kami Sid is the first Pakistani transgender person to rise to prominence as a fashion model. Sid is also an actor and LGBTQ rights activist. Sid also became a controversial figure after accusations of rape and sexual assault against her.:"

Baby Daddies and Blonds in Mustangs

 All you adventurous types who are on the outlook for a transgender girlfriend, it seems you don't need to look any farther than the 'Human Ken Doll' Jessica Alves. She is looking for a baby daddy across six countries. She seriously is searching for the man of her dreams to settle down with and start a family. She speaks six languages and the search will include the United States. So, if you happen to be a guy who is a transgender admirer, Jessica might be the girl for you!

  

Now for the "blondes in Mustangs" and a comment Connie sent in about a post which I was whining again about being stuck at home.

"What's that your mother used to say? Something about the toilet paper roll moving faster, the closer it gets to its end? Still, your Saturdays may seem to go by slower without Buckeye football.

I still do the grocery shopping, as that's the only thing I do to get out of the house anymore. Well, I do drive my wife to work and back two days a week, but that doesn't really count. I am not one of those who wears a mask while driving, so I can, at least, wear some lipstick! I also get to drive my wife's nice Mustang, which is usually unavailable for me to drive by myself. The other day, after dropping her off downtown, I stopped at a light. I heard a woman's voice shout out, "Hey gorgeous!" When I turned her direction to look through the downed window, she continued with, "You really wear that car well." I answered back in my usual smart-ass way, and asked, "It doesn't make my butt look big, does it?" Thinking about it, on the way home, I realized that it had been the only maskless encounter I'd had with anyone, other than my wife, for over three months. Nobody seems to even notice me when I'm driving my mini van to the grocery store - lipstick or not. :-)"

Needless to say, I am heart broken about the Buckeyes but it comes as no real surprise since so many ignorant people still want to refuse to wear a mask and stay socially distanced.

Evolve from an Ally to an Accomplice

 A transgender ally is a person who supports trans individuals and trans rights. Now a well known transgender activist wants to experience evolution from allies to accomplices. Her name is Geena Rocero (below) an award winning producer, model and trans rights activist. 

Let's take my partner Liz for example of a person who is a transgender accomplice. Initially (9 years ago) she played a major role of finally shoving me totally out of a part time cross dresser life into a full time transgender existence. An accomplice who has helped me in the world in so many ways. For example, an ally will support pro-trans causes and candidates but may fall short in helping us with rest room issues and/or pronoun usage. In more cases than I can count Liz leads strangers on with my gender by calling me "she or her" So, if you are currently an ally and are looking for an easy way to do more, find out for sure what pronouns your friend wants to use. It can go so far in helping her cope with an existence in her/his chosen gender. If you are dealing with a masculine identifying transgender person. 

Also if you are an accomplice, you have to be prepared for setbacks. Unfortunately, most of the time, all you can do is lend a supportive ear. In my case, I am always prepared to fight my own battles when and if they arise. Ironically, Liz and I do quite a bit of hand holding in public, so I can never really be sure if a persons problem could be coming from us being lesbians and not in anyway because I am transgender. 

In conclusion, if you are an ally or an accomplice bless your heart! You are some of the kindest and most understanding people in the world and we need you! 

Nailed It?

 For some reason during quarantine my finger nails have decided to grow at a record pace. So, I have decided to let all of them grow, except the one next to the thumbs on both hands I use for any serious jobs I may encounter. 

Before any of you try to cheap shot me about attempting any "serious" jobs, I am the first to point out I am retired and outside of my morning walks, writing a blog and doing the dishes are the only strenuous jobs I do. No more restoring of old houses like I did in my past as a hobby. 

The end goal is to have Liz shape and color/polish my nails and go from there. With my luck though, at that point the nails will decide enough is enough and start to break. Also, the effect of hormone replacement therapy comes into play. For years under a certain dosage of HRT my nails were very fragile. Maybe the higher dosage I am on now has changed all of that. We will see.

Vote!

 If you haven't noticed, now Benedict Donald is now trying to fool around with our Social Security. Beware of "gifts" from crime families. Vote Blue!!

Getting By

As the days go by during this pandemic, I know it is increasingly difficult to keep your mental girl in check and healthy. I for one am fortunate because I have been able to exist with very few problems. I was able to set in stone my inner girl long before any of this started. When I get up in the morning, I am finally blessed to know which gender I am. For most of my life, I wasn't so lucky as I suffered from extreme gender dysphoria.   

Now my major problem is convincing Liz we can be safe enough to go out to dinner. We never get out anymore much at all, even to the point of having our groceries brought to us courtesy (at a price) by Amazon. Even though getting out doesn't do anything for my feminine self, getting free from the old four walls in the house certainly does. After all, getting my flirt on with the waiter who was flirting with me the last time we did get out to eat was fun. 

I feel sorry for all the novice cross dressers and/or transgender persons in the one group I am part of. They are scrambling to find themselves during this entire mess. Fortunately for them, there is a new group in the Cincinnati, Ohio metro area who is offering nearly total support services for transgender individuals. From therapy to hormones and beyond. 

In the meantime, I don't know why but the days are flying by and fall will be here soon. Unfortunately, people still don't seem to understand the sacrifices needed to keep this pandemic at bay and it looks like college football may be cancelled. Missing out on an Ohio State Buckeye season would be tragic. All indicators are pointing to the fact it may happen though. 

Getting by will be tougher for this girl. 

Lemonade?

 During the past several days here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing the possible use of the drug DES, which was prescribed to high risk pregnancy mothers in the late 1940's and early 1950's. Possibly the extra estrogen in the womb it caused contributed to transgender babies later in life. It was one of those factors I read about when I was desperately searching for any information I could find on the reasons I turned out to be transgender. Until I accepted being trans, I was very bitter. In other words, I was thinking too much life had dealt me a bad hand, full of lemons. Connie picked up on the idea and commented:

" When life gives you lemons, and you want to make lemonade, first you must squeeze the juice into troubled water. Many of us get that far in the process, but then just find ourselves living a rather sour and troubled existence for far too long. It's the sweetness, which we find within ourselves, that must be added to the mix, in order for it to be palatable - if not refreshing.

When I learned of DES, I considered it as a possibility of an answer to my gender identity issues only briefly. By then, I had already decided that knowing the "why" of it wasn't going to change anything. I could give a bunch more reasons for how my mother might have been the cause of problems in my life, but DES would not have been her fault, anyway. The last words she uttered, before she died in hospice twelve years ago, were, "It's nobody's fault." Although she wasn't clear as to a particular thing, I have to believe that it was, at least, partly in reference to my gender identity. As sure as I am that it was her way of asking for forgiveness, it was also an expression of forgiveness for everyone else - including my feminine-self.

I could argue that there is nothing to forgive for my gender identity. There is an awful amount to forgive for how I manipulated things and others in dealing with it, however. I've often heard of the "sweetness of revenge," but that sweetness quickly gives way to bitterness. Forgiveness is the only way toward lasting sweetness in life. Put that in your lemonade and drink it!"

It's another hot, humid day around here so a big glass of lemonade will taste good. I learned long ago not to concentrate on the negative...or try too!