The "C" Word?

Along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have mentioned several "C" words quite a bit. First and foremost, confidence comes to mind. Take Stana over at Femulate for am example  Every once in a while, some one will take her to task for wearing her skirts too short and not covering up those world class legs of hers. She obviously has developed the confidence to wear what she looks best in. 

Another "C" word you see a lot around here is "Connie" and here is her confidence experience:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMay 8, 2018 at 2:53 PM

"I don't see your hair as being not age-appropriate. It fits your general style and personality, which is much more important in determining "appropriateness." My own hair (which is my own because I paid for it) is colored to be blonde with darker roots. At my age, this would be almost impossible to achieve naturally, as the roots would actually be much lighter (grey or white) than the blonde color. I find it humorous that this doesn't even occur to others when I point this fact out. They will usually just respond that it suits me, anyway. I chose this style, as I thought it helped to make it look less "wiggy." So, I pull it off (unless I literally pull it off!).

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a fancy semi-formal affair honoring my sister-in-law for her 70th birthday. I wore a body-con black dress that was knee-length and modestly low cut on the top. I felt it to be totally appropriate to my age and body, and I received many compliments from the mostly-older crowd, as well as one from one of the younger women there. I did throw caution to the wind by wearing a pair of 4 1/2" open toe shoes (and still, I was not the tallest woman there!). I liked the way I looked that night, and my attitude and demeanor showed it. I wasn't trying to look younger, even if a younger woman could have worn the same outfit successfully, as well.

I think that the main thing to remember is that it is not the clothing, hair, and makeup that should define us. Rather, those things are enhancements and extensions to and of ourselves. We should want to look for ways to present ourselves that show who we are, and not, necessarily, who we'd like to be. Dare I say that old "C" word again? Confidence!"

Overall, like you said, the key is being yourself and every woman (cis or not) has to find their niche. As transgender women, it just takes us longer to find our confidence. Although I don;t know a single cis woman who hasn't confided a time or two having a little insecurity about a big night out.

Casting My Vote

Tuesday was primary election day here in Ohio. On top of doing my duty and voting, the day was another special one for me, because I could again use my relatively new feminine driver's license. I have never really been a proponent of making my legal gender marker change a birthday of sorts. I guess I may have to rethink it.

You Cyrsti Condo regulars probably won't have to wonder how I voted. Lets just say Ohio is a heavily Republican state and not much else has changed during this turnout. I think much has to do this year with what who was on the primary ballot. In November, the state has a clear cut choice between a "so called" rock solid conservative republican governor candidate and a much more liberal Democratic choice. The republican vote is always more predictable number wise around here I think because of the huge number of elderly who automatically vote "Red" (Repug) every time. So much for politics!

As far as reaction to me at the polls, I seemingly get an extra nice reception every time from the elderly (more than I) women who normally run everything.

I also had to go out of my comfort zone and go to pick up some legal paper work from the Hamilton County (Cincinnati) court house downtown. My trusty GPS got me there in good shape and I even found a favorable parking spot. Once I got into the courthouse, I had to basically go through two security checkpoints to get to where I was going. At one, I even was requested to show my driver's license again. At neither spot did I encounter any problems except my belt setting off the metal detector.

I don't know if I expected any trans resistance, but I didn't get any. Plus, surprisingly enough, one of the sheriff's deputies I encountered was very androgynous.

So once again, any fears I had were groundless. Dressing to blend got the jobs done!

Is She Serious?

I suppose if you live in Maryland, or are staying up better with your transgender politics than even I do, you may have lost track of Chelsea Manning. If you have, here is a look at what she has been up to a year after President Barack Obama commuted her sentence. This story comes from the Washington Post:

"Manning, who became America’s most famous convicted leaker isn’t taking an extended vacation. Far from it: The Oklahoma native has decided to make an unlikely bid for the U.S. Senate in her adopted state of Maryland.

Manning, 30, filed to run in January and has been registered to vote in Maryland since August. She lives in North Bethesda, not far from where she stayed with an aunt while awaiting trial. Her aim is to unseat Sen. Ben Cardin, a 74-year-old Maryland Democrat who is seeking his third Senate term and previously served 10 terms in the U.S. House.

Manning, who also has become an internationally recognized transgender activist, said she’s motivated by a desire to fight what she sees as a shadowy surveillance state and a rising tide of nightmarish repression."

Here is her platform:

"Close prisons and free inmates; eliminate national borders; restructure the criminal justice system; provide universal health care and basic income. The top of her agenda? Abolish the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, a federal agency created in 2003 that Manning asserts is preparing for an “ethnic cleansing.”

Manning ticks off life experiences she believes would make her an effective senator: a stint being homeless in Chicago, her wartime experiences as a U.S. Army intelligence analyst in Iraq — even her seven years in prison. She asserts she’s got a “bigger vision” than establishment politicians.

But political analysts suspect the convicted felon is not running to win.

“Manning is running as a protest candidate, which has a long lineage in American history, to shine light on American empire,” said Daniel Schlozman, a political science professor at Johns Hopkins University. “That’s a very different goal, with a very different campaign, than if she wanted to beat Ben Cardin.”

Manning’s insurgent candidacy thus far has been a decidedly stripped-down affair, with few appearances and a campaign website that just went up. In recent days, she approached an anti-fracking rally in Baltimore almost furtively, keeping to herself for much of the demonstration. But when it was her turn to address the small group, her celebrity status was evident. People who never met her called her by her first name and eagerly took photos."

For the record, I don't think what Manning did was right and did the entire transgender community a dis-service (not to mention the country) when she did it.

Age Appropriate?

One of the more frustrating facets of growing "more mature" is trying to fight off the ravages of a lifetime of testosterone poisoning.

No one ever said life ever had to be fair but finally arriving at the point in your life when you can express your true gender comes at a frustrating time when you can't experiment with many of the new fashion trends you see.

Although, if you are at the top of your transgender game, you would know there are still sties to visit where you can  do your best to compete in the world with fashionable cis women. Fabulous After 40 is one of those sites.  "Fabulous After 40" can show you how to walk the fine line between "classy" and "trashy" or at the least being age appropriate.

Speaking of age appropriate (and another reference to Popeye), lets check in with Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMay 6, 2018 at 2:45 PM

"I would guess, from my observation, that many women in their 60's have given up learning or crafting their presentations. For those of us who got a late start, though, it seems appropriate that we try a bit harder. I'm familiar with a number of trans women who, having missed their chance when younger, attempt to model their presentations after much younger women - which is a mistake, trans or not. I often, figuratively, roll my eyes at older cis women who are obviously wearing the same style of clothing and doing their hair and makeup the same way as they did some time back in their youth, when they thought they looked great (and they probably did.....then).

Maybe it's not a checklist that we need, but a reality check!

As Olive Oyl once asked Popeye over the table during a romantic dinner, "Do I have spinach in my teeth?" :-)"

Agreed, reality checks are always good but it's tough sometimes to get a "real" reality check!  I know I don't wear "age appropriate" hair but since it's all mine and I enjoy it so much, I am telling the world to go to hell. Having said that though, it is time to get my hair "shaped" and trimmed. Which I plan on doing before this summer really gets underway!

These days, I also find larger selections of plus size clothing to choose from, which makes staying "clothing current" easier.

Friday Night Karaoke Lights

A picture turned up of Liz and I partying Friday night.

It was a very special night for her as she was celebrating losing one hundred pounds!

The purple burst of light emitting from my noggin, provided a rather unique surreal special effect.

Unless I look that way all the time when I think too hard!

Checklist

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing the gender "teeter totter" or the gender fluidity of who we are as human beings.  Along the way, Emma Gray sent in an interesting comment:

Emma GrayMay 5, 2018 at 2:23 AM

" Indeed, I started off wishing that if I did enough, checked enough boxes, that I’d become female for all intents and purposes. It was like trying to hold my finger in the dyke only to always find more leaks. Slowly, incrementally, I started liking myself as I am, a woman whose just trying to be myself. I do continue to learn and craft my presentation, like most women I suppose. Regardless, like Popeye said, “I ams what I ams!”

"Popeye"

I agree Emma and had a similar "checklist" myself. I started out finding "safe spots" I could go all the time, where I would not be challenged at all. Shopping certain stores for clothing and bookstores were great locations for me. From there, I built my confidence and started to stop for lunch and even tried to use certain restrooms. Fast forward and I became the transgender person I am today...gradually.

If you are in a similar beginning situation as a cross dresser or novice transgender woman, I would recommend the same path. Plus, depending upon where you live, civilians are having an easier and easier time accepting our culture. Just be prepared to go back to the drawing board any number of times to help learn the basics of living as your non birth gender. After all, girls have spent their whole lives perfecting (or trying to) being women.  After a time you can reach that magic point (like Emma) when you too can quote "Popeye."

Before you know it, you will find yourself at a point where you have discovered who you were meant to be all along and have a chance to enjoy it!  We only live once.

At the least, it is a daunting task for anyone and I find it humorous when anyone thinks we have a choice being trans. Or, anyone else in the LGBTQ spectrum.  It's a life or death decision for many of us transgender individuals.

Thanks Emma! I have included a shot of "Popeye" himself for those of you who are too young to remember the classic cartoon character. Now, eat your damn spinach...like Popeye.

Weekend Update

Over the past year or so, I have become re-addicted to the political satire of Saturday Night Live. Last night's opening was one of the best I have seen. Including the surprise visit of Stormy Daniels. I have liked the opening credits since I lived right above NYC in the early 1980's. The energy of the "Big Apple" was incredible.

During my two year stay there, I managed to have several fun adventures. One in particular on Long Island during my cross dressing days. I have passed along the story here in Cyrsti's Condo about the night at a "transvestite mixer" where I "passed well enough to at first being denied admittance because no cis-women were allowed...un-escorted.  The CD "ego blast" from the whole episode ended up causing a number of huge fights afterwards with my wife. During that time also, I found I still wasn't cut out to be a stay home girl and doing the cooking and cleaning. I did get caught though sending a perfumed letter and picture of me standing over the stove through the "snail mail" to an admirer. The whole episode didn't set well the day my wife beat me to the mail.

After the two years though, it was time again to try and out run my gender problems by moving my wife and I back to Ohio.

Seemingly, the two year intervals were about all I could take because approximately two years after that, I accepted a job opening fast food restaurants in Southern Ohio along the Ohio River. For those of you who don't know, the State of Ohio is actually a very diverse state. With a mixture of urban, agricultural and rural areas.

I often wonder what could have been during this time of my life, if the gender demons weren't chasing me.

When I think about it more, I was just starting my transgender check list, which thanks to a comment from Emma, we will discuss in our next post.

The Gender "Tipping Point" Part Two

Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning my Gender Tipping Point. Connie wrote in and added:

"In my case, my rising femininity was more a matter of dropping the dead weight of the masculine facade I had been carrying around for so many years. I guess I'm one of those for whom being feminine has always been easier, but I began transitioning because I could no longer compartmentalize my gender expressions (masculine and feminine) in living as two separate personas. 

Interestingly, setting myself free to live authentically has led to my giving less and less thought to my gender at all. We are all really a combination of gender traits, yet the transgender person is so much more aware of her, or his, own gender than is the average cis person. My own dream is to achieve that kind of balance, unconcerned with tipping whatsoever."

Thanks for the comment! I too give less and less thought to gender as I live as me. Plus, the more I hear (primarily from the younger set) about "gender fluidity", the more I like it too. I agree we are all a mix of genders anyway.

Unfortunately, society still dictates a strict gender binary be followed in most all circumstances, as seen by the number of transgender or gender queer kids who end up estranged from their families on the street.

I think too, the amount of time I spent falling off the balance beam (or "she saw" as Connie called it), could have been spent so many other ways. I am saddened on what could have been.

Then again too, crying over "spilled make-up" is a waste of time too.

Another Victory!

This one came in New Hampshire this week. From "Slate.Com":

On Wednesday, the New Hampshire Senate passed a landmark bill outlawing discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, and public accommodations. The state House of Representatives has already passed the measure, and Gov. Chris Sununu has confirmed his intent to sign it. What’s remarkable about this victory is that Sununu is a Republican, and both houses of the state legislature are controlled by the GOP. Democrats pushed hard for the bill and supported with near-unanimity. But it was Republican legislators who carried it over the finish line.

This bipartisan triumph for transgender equality contrasts sharply with Donald Trump’s unrelenting assault on transgender rights. Indeed, it should be been seen as a rebuke to his persistent attacks on LGBTQ Americans. The Trump administration has revoked federal guidance protecting transgender students, employees, and homeless people. It is poised to attempt to repeal nondiscrimination protections for transgender patients under the Affordable Care Act. And, of course, it is striving to ban open transgender military service by arguing that trans people are mentally unstable deviants. Vice President Mike Pence and Attorney General Jeff Sessions are the driving force behind the onslaught: Pence intervened behind the scenes to overrule Secretary of Defense James Mattis’ support for trans service, while Sessions has issued a stream of directives designed to undermine LGBTQ rights under federal law