Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see big difference in your life.
Yoko Ono
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Validation?
Here's a question...what exactly do you think validates you as a woman. Transgender or not.
For me, finally, I came to the conclusion, my validation came from my mind. It took me, many years of "error and trial" to get there.
Of course I started in the mirror. Most certainly, the bewitching person looking back at me just had to be a woman, not just a witch. The mirror grew old quickly and I wanted validation from other sources. My dog didn't care, so people had to be next on the list.
People were hard to find. I lived in a rural setting, with very little access to makeup and other wardrobe essentials including a wig. Finally, I had to bide my time, go to college, serve in the Army and earned the chance to dress as a woman for the first of several Halloween parties.
Comments from the parties were mostly positive and I thought yes, I was being validated as a woman when I heard the comment I would make a better looking girl than a guy. While the comment provided positive reinforcement, in the long term it just proved to be more frustrating than validating.
As I came to the point where I was going out as a cross dresser a couple times a week, again, validations were mixed. Some days were blissful. Followed by ones of out and out hell. How could I ever think I could exist as a woman with people snickering at me.
I didn't quit though and kept going back to the drawing board. It took a while, but finally I came to the conclusion not to dress for men, but for women and life suddenly became easier. I began to have my girl card validated by other women.
From there, I could start to connect other dots and understand my true validation as a transgender woman was inside me all the time. I was born into it. Forget the time I was cornered by an admirer, or the compliments, or the snickers, or the out and out rejections. Being trans was my out and out birth-rite and I was going to seize it before not doing it nearly killed me.
In so many words, when I stamped my own girl card, I was validated and the world followed.
For me, finally, I came to the conclusion, my validation came from my mind. It took me, many years of "error and trial" to get there.
Of course I started in the mirror. Most certainly, the bewitching person looking back at me just had to be a woman, not just a witch. The mirror grew old quickly and I wanted validation from other sources. My dog didn't care, so people had to be next on the list.
People were hard to find. I lived in a rural setting, with very little access to makeup and other wardrobe essentials including a wig. Finally, I had to bide my time, go to college, serve in the Army and earned the chance to dress as a woman for the first of several Halloween parties.
Comments from the parties were mostly positive and I thought yes, I was being validated as a woman when I heard the comment I would make a better looking girl than a guy. While the comment provided positive reinforcement, in the long term it just proved to be more frustrating than validating.
As I came to the point where I was going out as a cross dresser a couple times a week, again, validations were mixed. Some days were blissful. Followed by ones of out and out hell. How could I ever think I could exist as a woman with people snickering at me.
I didn't quit though and kept going back to the drawing board. It took a while, but finally I came to the conclusion not to dress for men, but for women and life suddenly became easier. I began to have my girl card validated by other women.
From there, I could start to connect other dots and understand my true validation as a transgender woman was inside me all the time. I was born into it. Forget the time I was cornered by an admirer, or the compliments, or the snickers, or the out and out rejections. Being trans was my out and out birth-rite and I was going to seize it before not doing it nearly killed me.
In so many words, when I stamped my own girl card, I was validated and the world followed.
Oh No! Not Ozzie!
Connie sent in a comment to Cyrsti's Condo about which celebrities she has been mentioned as looking like and the complex relationship we trans women develope with beautiful women we have a crush on:
- I don't know that I would agree in the lowering of expectations. I see it more as a mental move away from dysphoria toward reality. Whether cis or trans, I think it's normal to idolize beautiful women. Trans women of our age probably held on to our fantasies much longer than our cis contemporaries, just because many of us were living in a closet with no outlet for facing the realities of the outside world - where cis girls naturally become women.
Rachel Welch was also a favorite of mine (and still is because I admire how she's aged with such grace and beauty). Sophia Loren is another, for the same reasons. I was attracted to them, first, in my pre-pubescence, but even more so as the testosterone increasingly affected my being. The dichotomy of both yearning to BE them and to HAVE them really messed with my mind most of the time, but cross dressing relieved the pressure. Even though I recognized that I could not be Rachel or Sophia, I could feel as though I was more like them than I was the boy who desired them sexually. I also recognized, early on, that watching Sophia Loren and Cary Grant in a movie added to my dysphoria. I was attracted to Sophia in the same way Cary Grant was, but I identified more with her than him. At the same time, though, I was not attracted to Cary Grant sexually. Such confusion for a young trans girl! Now, if I could have been Sophia, and Rachel would have been attracted to me, that would have been the best thing ever! Likewise, with Veronica and Betty, or Ginger and Mary Ann. In my mind, I desired Betty and Mary Ann, but I was either Veronica or Ginger in those scenarios. My attempts to cover those thoughts had me acting more like a dopey Archie or Gilligan to the outside world, however.
Wynonna Judd
As I sit here at the computer, I am still in wake-up mode. The mirror on the wall shows me to be a mess of a woman. That's OK, though, because I can get into makeup mode to take away the mess, but I'm still the same woman - either way."- When I was much younger and just starting to live a feminine life as a cross dresser, people used to say I looked like Wynonna Judd, the singer. Much better than the bum on a bicycle at Pride last year who thought I was Ozzie Osbourne...yikes!
Monday, January 15, 2018
Don't Believe all That you See!
Over the past week or so here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have covered an amazing amount of ground. From Chelsea Manning's senate run, to dressing for success as a 40 plus aged woman with Deborah Boland.
And, speaking of looks and your feminine presentation, I have always preached to the choir here about the need for preparation, before you can even begin to think about about putting your best transgender foot forward in public.
I know from reading her blog, it turns out the "gold standard" in the transgender community, Stana from Femulate feels the same way and passed along an interesting comment about my Raquel Welch crush:
And, speaking of looks and your feminine presentation, I have always preached to the choir here about the need for preparation, before you can even begin to think about about putting your best transgender foot forward in public.
I know from reading her blog, it turns out the "gold standard" in the transgender community, Stana from Femulate feels the same way and passed along an interesting comment about my Raquel Welch crush:
 |
| Jacqueline Bisset, in 2017 |
"Actresses Jacqueline Bisset and Jaclyn Smith were my idols. Years later, I mentioned this to a Hollywood makeup artist who was giving me a makeover at a trans convention and he said that I had a better complexion than one of my idols, who he had worked with! So, you never know!"
Thanks Stana!
I always have loved Jacqueline Bisset's voice, as well as her looks.
Stana also mentioned she has had problems posting comments to the blog. If it happens to you, you can email me at cyrstih@yahoo,com. Please just tell me if you dont want the comment posted!
Thanks :)
Transgender Senatorial Run
In Maryland, former Army soldier, Chelsea Manning has announced her run for a Maryland Senate seat as Cyrsti's Condo reader Jeni Skunk pointed out in a comment:
"Jeni SkunkJanuary 14, 2018 at 5:53 PM
"Jeni SkunkJanuary 14, 2018 at 5:53 PM
 |
| Chelsea Manning |
News item - Transgender politicians
Washington Post - Saturday 2018-01-13
Chelsea Manning files to run for U.S. Senate in Maryland
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/md-politics/chelsea-manning-files-to-run-for-us-senate-in-maryland/2018/01/13/6439f0d0-f88c-11e7-beb6-c8d48830c54d_story.html?utm_term=.146b4a5ae5a5
Chelsea E. Manning, the transgender former Army private who was convicted of passing sensitive government documents to WikiLeaks, is seeking to run for the U.S. Senate in Maryland, according to federal election filings.
Manning would be challenging Democrat Benjamin L. Cardin, who is in his second term in the Senate and is up for reelection in November. Cardin is Maryland’s senior senator and is considered an overwhelming favorite to win a third term."
Washington Post - Saturday 2018-01-13
Chelsea Manning files to run for U.S. Senate in Maryland
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/md-politics/chelsea-manning-files-to-run-for-us-senate-in-maryland/2018/01/13/6439f0d0-f88c-11e7-beb6-c8d48830c54d_story.html?utm_term=.146b4a5ae5a5
Chelsea E. Manning, the transgender former Army private who was convicted of passing sensitive government documents to WikiLeaks, is seeking to run for the U.S. Senate in Maryland, according to federal election filings.
Manning would be challenging Democrat Benjamin L. Cardin, who is in his second term in the Senate and is up for reelection in November. Cardin is Maryland’s senior senator and is considered an overwhelming favorite to win a third term."
Thanks Jeni for this update.
As much as I would love to see another (or one) trans senator, I cannot support Chelsea Manning. As a transgender veteran, I just don't respect want she did.
Shock and Awe
A week ago, I began to transition my massive finances from one bank to another.
All went well, I thought with the very young "personal banker" who set my new account up.
The problems started though, when he asked if I had ever done business with the bank before. I said yes and the system took over.
As he worked out all the forms, they all had my correct new name on all the paper work. Naively, I was so proud of myself, until...
A week later my debit cards arrived in the mail. As I opened them, imagine my disappointment when they came imprinted with my old male name!
I recoiled in shock. I learned the hard way again how much I never wanted to see that name again.
I will be heading back to the bank today!
All went well, I thought with the very young "personal banker" who set my new account up.
The problems started though, when he asked if I had ever done business with the bank before. I said yes and the system took over.
As he worked out all the forms, they all had my correct new name on all the paper work. Naively, I was so proud of myself, until...
A week later my debit cards arrived in the mail. As I opened them, imagine my disappointment when they came imprinted with my old male name!
I recoiled in shock. I learned the hard way again how much I never wanted to see that name again.
I will be heading back to the bank today!
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Exceeding Trans Expectations?
For years I worked in a highly competitive industry in which, success was decided on a daily basis. What have you done for me lately was the rule.
As so often happens, by chance yesterday, Liz and I started talking about expectations and how they affect growing up transgender, or as a cross dresser. Being a cis woman, her idol for a long time was Christie Brinkley. Then of course, harsh reality set in and she learned she would never achieve the lofty heights of Brinkley's beauty.
As we compared mental notes, we began to connect the dots between growing up cis, versus transgender.
I said, Raquel Welch was, (and is) the cis woman of my dreams. I often wondered what I could ever give up to look like her for one day.
Like so many dreams, unrealistic expectations come and go, but if you are creative and persistent, realistic expectations can be achieved.
First of all, I had to learn what looking good (for a man in a dress) meant, then begin to discover the hard way what my positives were. Examples were, people told me I had wonderful eyes and I started to play them up. More importantly, I learned to dress for other women and not how my male self would view me. In other words, Raquel had to go away, to be replaced by the desire to blend in with other women around me.
As I achieved it, I started to relax my expectations of how I looked and began in earnest to discover my full personality as a transgender woman.
To my surprise, over time, I couldn't believe the expectations I did achieve.
Sorry Raquel, still love you. Just not as much :).
As so often happens, by chance yesterday, Liz and I started talking about expectations and how they affect growing up transgender, or as a cross dresser. Being a cis woman, her idol for a long time was Christie Brinkley. Then of course, harsh reality set in and she learned she would never achieve the lofty heights of Brinkley's beauty.
As we compared mental notes, we began to connect the dots between growing up cis, versus transgender.
I said, Raquel Welch was, (and is) the cis woman of my dreams. I often wondered what I could ever give up to look like her for one day.
Like so many dreams, unrealistic expectations come and go, but if you are creative and persistent, realistic expectations can be achieved.
First of all, I had to learn what looking good (for a man in a dress) meant, then begin to discover the hard way what my positives were. Examples were, people told me I had wonderful eyes and I started to play them up. More importantly, I learned to dress for other women and not how my male self would view me. In other words, Raquel had to go away, to be replaced by the desire to blend in with other women around me.
 |
| Raquel Welch |
To my surprise, over time, I couldn't believe the expectations I did achieve.
Sorry Raquel, still love you. Just not as much :).
Saturday, January 13, 2018
How Many of us do Blackface?
I am sure many "Terf's" or feminists who want to exclude us out of hand from any feminine discussion, would also want to group all of us into one group (transgender, cross dressers and drag queens) into one category, and say yes.
Internally though, we know that is not true and the answer is so much more complex. Blackface by definition is a form of theatrical makeup by primarily non black performers to represent a black person. So drag queens by definition could fall into a similar definition. Primarily gay cis males who use forms of makeup to represent women.
From there on, the comparison gets murky.
Cross dressers, are primarily "straight" cis men who often are feeding a deep seated need to look like cis-women. You can draw your own conclusions if that is a form of "black face" or not. The old term "transvestite" can also be applied here, if you like.
Finally, when you consider transgender women, "black face" should not enter into the conversation at all.
Being over simplistic on purpose, trans women want to do much more than just look like cis-women, they want to live like one. The deep seated need to live a feminine life often takes over one's life, even to the point of ending a life if nothing can be done. Insert, transsexual here if you would like.
My difference between the two is ideally a transsexual woman (or man) deeply desires to have genital surgery to complete their gender identity, where as a transgender person is more content to live the life of a gender they weren't born into. With or without surgery.
At any rate, I thought the "blackface" discussion was a thought provoking one.
Internally though, we know that is not true and the answer is so much more complex. Blackface by definition is a form of theatrical makeup by primarily non black performers to represent a black person. So drag queens by definition could fall into a similar definition. Primarily gay cis males who use forms of makeup to represent women.
From there on, the comparison gets murky.
Cross dressers, are primarily "straight" cis men who often are feeding a deep seated need to look like cis-women. You can draw your own conclusions if that is a form of "black face" or not. The old term "transvestite" can also be applied here, if you like.
Finally, when you consider transgender women, "black face" should not enter into the conversation at all.
Being over simplistic on purpose, trans women want to do much more than just look like cis-women, they want to live like one. The deep seated need to live a feminine life often takes over one's life, even to the point of ending a life if nothing can be done. Insert, transsexual here if you would like.
My difference between the two is ideally a transsexual woman (or man) deeply desires to have genital surgery to complete their gender identity, where as a transgender person is more content to live the life of a gender they weren't born into. With or without surgery.
At any rate, I thought the "blackface" discussion was a thought provoking one.
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"I've been told that I look like Leann Rimes, Connie Stevens, Jane Fonda, and even Connie Chung. I don't really see it, and I definitely never purposely tried to look like those women - or any woman in particular. I do try to present myself as I feel I am, which is a feminine creature of the human variety. Still, I was once put off a bit when a drunk girl said that I looked like David Bowie, as I am much more toward the feminine end of the gender binary. Maybe I should just be happy that nobody has said I look like Minnie Pearl, Phyllis Diller, or - God help me - Milton Berle in drag.