Confidence

 I am always fond of sharing the idea of the importance of a transgender woman's confidence. In fact the argument can be made her confidence is her major accessory

Photo Courtesy Cyrsti Hart 

In all the years of studying how cis women carry themselves there always seemed to be a certain amount of women who just exuded more femininity than others and it had nothing to do with being more sexy.. Although it translated into just that.  

It's no secret either that humans are apex predators and will gather like sharks to any sign of blood in the water. Transgender women and men are often very fragile when traveling in public and the least small set back can cause the proverbial blood in the water. I know in my case confidence was difficult to come by in my early years in the world. Often I would experience a couple days of success and gain confidence in thinking I could navigate a feminine world only to experience a setback. When I did, often I would become depressed and think I never stood a chance to live as my authentic self. Ultimately I continued down my path and became successful. Finally achieving my goal of living full time as a transgender woman.  

Of course too, I was my own worse enemy along the way. Trying to dress like a teenage girl didn't help me at all as you can imagine. But even then I had to learn to accept what I chose to wear and try to make the most of it even though I was leaving the blood in the water by attracting unwanted attention. Finally I found and adopted a style I thought I could live with  and began to blend in successfully with other cis women.

Probably one of my most recent examples of confident transgender women came last week when my partner Liz and I joined two other transgender women for dinner. As we moved about the venue to our seats and when we left no one seemed to give us a second glance. Plus, through out dinner we engaged in what I called trans girl talk concerning acceptance by our families among other topics relating to our lives. 

Unfortunately, confidence is often difficult to achieve and the only way you can gain it is by living as your authentic self. I am true believer these days if you are near an urban area you can find an LGBT group to socialize with. Once you do, your chances to increase your trans confidence will rise and you can keep your blood out of the water.

Monday Inspiration

After three decades the Cincinnati Bengals are still in the hunt for a Super Bowl. In an exciting game in Nashville, the Bengals beat the Titans with a last second score. It all sets up a rematch with Kansas City next weekend in KC, Needless to say it has been very exciting for the whole town of Cincinnati. 

On the other end of the sports spectrum were the Green Bay Packers (Wisconsin)  who lost their game this weekend to the San Francisco "49ers". 

One of my favorite transgender women who I share photos of is Melonee Malone who is also from Wisconsin and a Packers fan. I always say she has transitioned really well. Here is her latest photo:

Photo Courtesy Melonee Malone

 

No Fun

 My partner Liz asked me the other day not to write anymore when it ceased to be fun. I'm sure anyone who has ever attempted to write a daily blog will tell you there are so many times when writing is the last thing I really wanted to do. Definitely not what I would call fun. So, you may ask why to I keep doing it. 

The easy answer is the great majority of days  I do enjoy writing, which I separate from fun. An example would be back in the day when I first started exploring wearing my Mom's clothes then began using my meager funds to buy select items of makeup and/or clothes on my own. It all was so exciting and fun but all too soon it wore off. Looking back at it now, it was the first milestone in my life when I should have known my gender issues were far from being just wanting to wear feminine clothes. I wish I had realized there was so much more to just looking like a girl...I wanted to be one. As the fun began to wane, a sense of satisfaction set in when I thought I had achieved a certain level of excellence when I adored myself in the mirror. 

As the years went by, I learned an even more important lesson. Not only did I enjoy the feminine world I was increasingly enjoying, the lesson was how natural the whole process felt.

Maybe writing is the same way. I started this blog hoping to help others dealing with their similar transgender issues. At the time, of course I had no idea that over ten years later I would still be writing as many times as I do. Along the way I have managed over 6000 posts and I wonder how I can come up with different things to write about. I enjoy blaming my friend Connie for the whole blogging adventure when we shared experiences with each other about our feminine lives on another transgender - cross dresser web site. I wish I could bring back a few of the exchanges she had with a few of the other participants who we ended up calling "trans-Nazi's"   They were the ones who felt they were better than you because they had more operations to prove their femininity. In today's world, they would be the bigots who want to point out they are more transgender than you. Many just for the reason they started to transition earlier than you did.

Maybe there was very little fun along the way because crossing the gender frontier is such a deadly serious journey. Often at stake are families, jobs and friends. Very few of us also are lucky get through the process unscathed.

Whatever the process has been for you, I hope you have managed have a little fun along the way. The same is true for my writing. Even though certain days it is not easy to write and I hope I don't recount the same experiences from my past very often. The problem is many of the happenings are tied together similar to a huge collage of my life.

Thanks for being along.
 

There is a World Out There.

Amazingly, my partner Liz got off of work at the right time. A time which gave us plenty of chance to get ready and actually could go to one of the cross dresser - transgender socials which have literally been scheduled for years. 

Photo Courtesy Cyrsti Hart 

I was surprised Liz wanted to go because  of the ongoing Covid threat and the fact the temperatures were in the teens (F). But she did, I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house. Plus we have both been fully vaccinated and even had our boosters. So, I was excited! Two days in a row out of the house. 

After I found out I was going out, then I had to figure out what I was going to wear. I went with my normal fuzzy green scalloped sweater which extends down over my newly forming hips and in addition, is very warm. I wore the sweater with my black leggings and charcoal gray boots. After adding a light layer of eye makeup and lipstick, I brushed back and clipped my hair and was ready to go. 

Once we arrived, the "group" turned out to be just two other transgender women. Without being too blunt, the two women had social skills which was great.  Of course much of the conversation revolved around the coming out process and family Since most of my family (Liz) was there, it was easy to refer to her as being the main reason my MtF gender transition was as easy as it was. 

Along the way we also chatted about the influence our families had once we had come out. It turns out most all of us had lost a significant number of persons in our life (to death) and had a clean slate to start all over again. As Liz puts it, rarely does a human being have a chance at a "do over" so don't screw it up.  

Ironically, one of the other trans women who came has a transgender sister. It turned out also, all had accepting children  and the only person who had a parent who was still alive was accepting too. 

The nice thing about having a small group to me was the communication was better and I could even hear everyone at the table. 

It turned out also I ordered the Meatloaf not knowing the musical artist of the same name had passed away. Now I can eat a wonderful cold meatloaf sandwich in his honor.

Hopefully, it won't be as long again until we can get out of the house again as I enjoyed last night so much. Plus it was good to be around transgender women who all had positive stories. Perhaps the world out there is changing for the best. 

Sometimes it Works

 On exceedingly rare occasions when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror it screams woman. Most of the time though, the opposite is true. In fact what I think is not printable. 

Yesterday was one of those rare days when the mirror said, I was doing the right things in the gender department to live easily in a feminine world. Of course I was dubious because the mirror has lied so many times to me in the past.

Plus, recently I have been so secluded from the world. who would know anyhow?  Because he was vaccinated Liz's son had a mild case of the Covid virus and came out of it fine. So after he served his time in quarantine, he was finally free to buy another car. That's where I came in. Since he hadn't much knowledge in the car buying world, Liz wanted me to go with him. As much as I am far from being a used car expert, I'm not sure I wanted to go at all. 

To make a long story short, I went and with no pressure (ha) agreed with Liz's son the car would be OK to purchase. I also was pleasantly surprised when the gruff looking man who sold him the car was nice to me. Maybe the mirror didn't lie to me after all. Maybe I had reached gender nirvana and I could finally take the trans out of my trans woman description. I know what you are thinking and I agree. He was being nice because he wanted to sell the car. 

In the end run, it didn't matter. The car was purchased and I had escaped yet another gender meeting I preferred not to do unscathed. Someday I will learn men in that kind of situation have a tendency to ignore women anyhow. Unless they want something. I hate to think I would be taken advantage of though. Just because of my gender. Just one of the problems of losing male privileges'. Or don't try to "mansplain" to me why a car "works". 

 Whatever it was, the guy gave me a shy wave and a grin . I hope all he saw was a woman  accompanying her son on a car buying adventure.

Who knows? The guy at the car place got his money, Liz's son got his car and in a off the wall way I got my chance to again conquer the world as a woman. 

Maybe I should relax and take mansplaining as yet another step I have to negotiate the feminine world. On the other hand, the whole process infuriates me as it negates  much of my life's experiences. What would my mirror say? Very simply, this is what you asked for and worked so long to achieve. And, as I was told so long ago, there was so much more to a woman's life than being the "pretty pretty princess."

Sometimes a plan comes together and it does work.