Crossing the Gender Divide

As I went back and read the "Double Edged Sword" post, I decided on a couple other thoughts I didn't mention.

Looking back at the decade which is all but over, I realized the enormity of what I was able to accomplish.

Of course the trip across the gender frontier wasn't all fun and games and I wonder if I would have made it at all without the help I received.

As I moved forward into the feminine world, I learned very quickly three lessons as my male privilege disappeared. One of which was my perception of how women treated other women changed. It didn't take me long to realize smiling faces sometimes held  knives just waiting to be stabbed into my back.  Passive aggression was often as harmful as a man's frontal assault.

Another big lesson came in the communication department. It seemed the better I became in my feminine presentation, the lower my IQ became. The first time happened when my car broke down and I had to call a tow truck. The whole scene was "helped" along when a well meaning sheriff showed up to help. To make a long story short, it turned out both of them had a better idea of how to get my car back to my house than I did. On the way home I finally just relegated myself to "dumb blond" status, as I was back in those days and started asking stupid questions about how the tow truck worked.

Even after that, I was a slow learner. Somehow, someway I would get myself into conversations with men in the sports bars I went into. I found out again and again how little I all of the sudden I knew.

Being invisible in a crowd became a reality too. One time several cis women servers from a place I frequented quite a bit invited me on a "girls night out" with them. I was flattered and went along. Soon I found out how the most attractive of the crew received all the attention. I figured beggars shouldn't be choosers though and relaxed to enjoy the gender banter.

Perhaps the most important lesson came in how I viewed my personal security. I was fortunate. One late night on the downtown streets of Dayton, Ohio I was semi accosted by two men looking for money. I got away with only giving them five dollars. From then on, I learned to check out my surroundings and always walked with a friend anytime I could. In fact one night when I went back to the same area (which contained several gay bars) my wonderful trans guy friend was nice enough to walk me to my car.

As I wrote in my last post, it was quite the decade. I wouldn't wish being transgender on my worst enemy. On the other hand, crossing the gender divide was at times a scary experience and at others a terrifically exhilarating one. 

Tomorrow, on my New Years Day post I will follow Stana's lead from Femulate and show you a before and after comparison.

Double Edged Sword?

Looking back at the decade which is almost over, I can't help but marvel at the changes which occurred.

Specifically, in 2010 I was struggling totally with my gender identity. The more I lived and experimented with living in a feminine world, the more natural I felt. Unfortunately though, the better I felt the harder it was to give up my male past. After all, there were so many huge questions to answer. Most of my immediate family (my parents) had passed away, as well as most of my closest friends. I only had to worry about my only sibling (a brother) and my only child (a daughter).

Both of them turned out to be my first sword. My daughter embraced me while my brother rejected me. I have written profusely concerning both. Essentially though, my brother refused to accept me while selling out to his right wing, red neck, in laws. I was fortunate in that I gained so much more than I lost.

Of utmost importance in the decade, was meeting my partner Liz. She basically found me struggling to find myself on a series of online dating sites. Ironically, Liz was looking for a woman when she found me.

On the sites, I was still struggling with my sexuality, thinking I needed a man to be a woman. As it turned out, I didn't. Before Liz came along, I was able to make friends with two lesbians who did more than they would ever know in helping me in my new explorations of the feminine world. All wasn't so rosy though as the sword swung again as I was kicked out of one place I frequented and had the cops called on me in another. On the other hand, I distinctly remember a spaghetti dinner I attended at Zena's (a cis woman friend) when I wore my black short skirt and heels.

As always though, the sword swung back during the decade and I found myself reaping the benefits of hormone replacement therapy. An old transgender friend once told me I "passed" out of sheer will power. So I needed every bit of help I could get in the transgender presentation department.  It seems impossible to me now it was over seven years ago when Liz and I went out on New Years Eve and I took my first small doses of estrogen. Years later I can thank the meds for softer skin, longer hair, breasts and on certain days, crazy emotions.

All in all, it has been quite the decade for me. As I look back on it, the decade has been right up next to the 1970's for me as a time of turmoil and discovery. The sword swung mightily in both decades teaching me that life is but a circle.

The sword of course is just another mystical symbol. Life is also directed by destiny. If you don't take chances, it may never find you.

Jamie O'Neill

From Golf Week:

"Jamie O’Neill played golf for the first time in six years as part of a team-building exercise with her new employer, an engineering firm.

Her first tee shot went straight down the fairway for 280 yards. “With that one shot I was hooked on playing golf again,” O’Neill wrote in a story for Outsports.com.

O’Neill, who is a 43-year-old transgender woman, shared her story of chasing her dream to compete in World Long Drive Association events.

She began her transition from male to female at age 34 in 2010. Deciding to transition was not easy, O’Neill writes. “I was prepared to lose my family, my friends, my career, but what I knew was I was not going to lose my life.”

O’Neill underwent facial feminization surgery and then spent hundreds of hours on electrolysis for hair removal, voice therapy and breast augmentation before having sexual reassignment surgery."

For more, go here. Thanks to "Zena" for sharing!