Tomorrow Is Dental Day

All Smiles from the Jessie 
Hart Collection

Tomorrow is one of the days I have to go in for a dental cleaning appointment. For better or for worse, I have been going to the same dental office for several years now. When I filled out all the information I needed to provide for the dental profile, I was impressed with the amount of the gender information they required ,meaning they even had a category for transgender women and how you preferred to be addressed.  Of course, all of that is well and good but seeing it in action is another.  

The good part is from day one nearly everyone in the office has been gender affirming to me. In fact I was surprised when immediately everyone used the "she" pro-nouns with me. Since my teeth were not in the best condition, I appreciated any positive feelings I could get. Following losing my upper teeth and getting fitted for upper dentures, I resolved to take the best care that I could to my bottom teeth. Twice a day, without fail, I brush with a powered tooth brush, rinse and floss.  So, if I don't have a good appointment tomorrow, I will be disappointed. 

By this time, you are probably thinking what does any of this have to do with being transgender.  Quite a bit actually. Back in the day before I took the expensive and drastic step to have my missing and jagged upper teeth replaced, I was afraid to smile. In the process, I came off as unfriendly or worse yet a bi-ch. It turned out by not being able to smile, people came out thinking the worse of me. I needed to have new teeth to improve my appearance and personality. Plus, it turned out timing was everything because shortly after I improved my smile, my new glasses came from the Veteran's Administration. I was able to upgrade my appearance quickly. 

The only problem I have with my dental day tomorrow is how much I will have to pay. I have a basic dental insurance I buy myself which covers part of my visit. So, depending upon what the insurance covers I have to pay the rest. Even though I have been putting money back for the visit, I am on Social Security. I have written recently how much anxiety I have over the possible federal government default which is coming quickly. For those of you who don't know my checks which I paid into during my entire working life could be postponed. However, instead of re-scheduling my appointment,  I decided to go ahead and possibly spend money I don't really have. 

The nice part about going tomorrow is the money should be the worst part. Maybe it is the future of dentistry as it stands now.  

Coffee Shop Nights

Image from Jon Tyson
on UnSplash

 I am a big fan of mentioning how I managed to go through several layers of gender transition once I seriously decided to leave my male life behind.

Once I decided I was comfortable in my own skin as a transgender woman, I needed to branch out and see if I could establish myself in other circles as a feminine person. I was fortunate in that I had Liz to partially lead the way. What happened was, we joined certain groups through a Cincinnati social app which matched like minded individuals. One that really stands out was a group interested in others with creative pursuits. The people included everyone from Poets and writers, all the way to crafters. Even though I had never knitted a day in my life, I accompanied Liz (who does) to knitting groups. I made up for my ignorance by enjoying a good cup of coffee in the shop where we met. 

There were other coffee shops where we met to as the creative group. One in particular was a wonderful old shop which fit our ideas completely. The company was good and the ideas flowed. Most of all, I appreciated I was treated as a person, transgender or not. The entire process was a real step forward in my coming out process. First I had successfully released myself from my closet, started hormone replacement therapy and started a new life. And, secondly now I had the chance to successfully live it with others who up to that time were strangers. The coffee shop nights were exciting and fun in the new world which was opening to me. If you are just emerging from your closet and live in a larger populated area, seeking out group apps with people of similar interests to yours can sometimes be a real aide in your gender transition. 

Sadly, not all the groups we sought out as a couple (Liz and I) were so accepting. One in particular is vivid in my mind to this day. The group was a lesbian social group. Since Liz identifies as a lesbian, she always was a part of the group and tried to bring me in also. I tried and was roundly rejected. I was surprised in that in the past I had lesbian friends and were basically always accepted in their circles. But on this occasion I wasn't and Liz left the group. 

Back on the positive side of the ledger, Liz was also Wiccan and wanted to involve me in her circle of friends also. I was accepted into her circle with no questions asked and new social interactions were established. Again it is important to note how valuable all of these functions helped me to develop my new woman into a more well rounded person. I had managed to come a long way from my singular days in the mirror. 

Socializing with new people over a good cup of coffee helped me to come out of my shell and interact with the world again. Living an existence I never thought possible. 

 

 

Why Now? A Transgender Dilemma

Image from Karla Herandez on 
UnSplash

Every once in a while I see a transgender sister in my age bracket being hassled for starting to transition later in life. 

Since I didn't begin a very serious gender transition until I was in my early sixties, I feel their pain when someone mentions they aren't trans enough. For some reason, the person applying the pressure to be transgender enough doesn't realize why the transitioning person felt the need to wait before seriously going down their gender path. There are many reasons. Primarily, life gets in the way. Examples are many and simple such as families which come along as well as friends and employment. 

I was guilty of considering all of those as I put off finally transitioning. Plus, it was true on occasion, I did enjoy the benefits of attaining a certain level of success in my largely unwanted male world. By male standards I was bringing home a better than average income while I became fairly proficient at managing larger groups of people in stressful situations. I was able to use my spendable income to treat myself and my second wife to dining out as well as attending large select sporting events we both liked. Even though I was treading water as a male, nearly always something was always missing. I wondered how everything I did would feel if I did it as a woman. 

Another point I need to make in why I waited so long to finally complete my gender transition was along the way, I was experimenting with how I was doing as a woman. I attempt to explain away the years I was trying to see if I could make it as a transgender woman as the years I was a very serious cross dresser or transvestite. During my fifty year journey to my gender truth, I could say also the world caught up with me. When I started and for years after, there was no internet or social media to connect others to me with similar gender pursuits. From there I learned nearly anything could be possible if I worked hard enough to do it. I just had to figure it out.

Perhaps along the way, I was a slow learner as I refused to look my truths in the face and see feminine. Gender dysphoria was a huge problem too. Some days I did see feminine when I looked in the mirror and some days male. Which in many ways continues to this day. I was furthered confused by the public I dealt with in those days who referred to me in the feminine sense when they weren't even thinking. What was I to make of that? What I did make of that was they were seeing past my male exterior into who I truly was. 

The simplest answer to all the doubters of my "trans-ness" is get over yourself. Without a doubt I have been a transgender woman my entire life. My dilemma was trying to learn how to express it.