Stay Safe out There

Photo from the 
Jessie Hart Archives

 These days it seems, with all the Republican anti LGBT bills which are mainly directed towards transgender women and trans men, it's increasingly difficult to relax in public. Who knows when the next shoe will fall and another person will confront you about living as your authentic self.  Sadly, in today's society people are less into minding their own business and more into minding yours.

All of this creates the extra gender pressure I previously mentioned. Through it all, the ability to present yourself authentically becomes extra important. Sadly for some of us cis-women are seemingly not so into taking advantage of what nature gave them. If I was going to go out and run errands right now, I'm sure I would see almost no women who took the time to wear any makeup and dress up at all. The real dilemma for transgender women is to look feminine without really trying. It is certainly a product of having to try harder than the average cis-woman to be accepted.  All ready there are stories surfacing about cis-women being rejected from using the woman's room by over zealous gender bigots. 

Rest rooms of course produce a unique challenge to the average transgender woman. Unless you live in the rare state or area which you are protected by law to use the restroom of your choice, it pays dividends to pay extra attention to your surroundings and be careful to use common sense women's room etiquette. Examples are many but a few of the most important ones are to sit when you pee (look at the seat first) always stop to wash your hands, don't be afraid to make eye contact with other women and don't put your purse on the floor. Perhaps the most important point to remember is to have the confidence to use the rest room of your choice.

It hasn't always been easy for me during my transition to use the women's room. Years ago I had the police called on me as well as other harrowing experiences. The scariest experience came when my wife Liz and I were on a tour bus trip from our native Ohio to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The bus made regular rest stops which were bad enough but the one at the border of Mississippi/Alabama was the worst. First of all, I had to wait in a line of women just to pee which I did. When I finished and opened the stall door I came face to face with two hostile looking women glaring at me. I hurriedly excused myself and went to wash my hands and got out of there. It took me a half hour on the bus to finally relax. I half expected a highway patrolman to pull the bus over and seek me out but it never happened. 

Of course, perhaps the major loss of male privilege we experience when we transition away from the "men's club" is personal safety. Growing up we never had the chance to learn what other cis-women are raised to know. Some men are predators and need to be steered clear of. As a male I learned how to not exist with toxic males by being the better guy no matter how hard that was. By bigger I mean the times I had to "puff" myself up to ward off any unwanted angry advances. It was a real gender upbringing when all of that was stripped away and one night I learned the hard way how a man can trap a woman and force himself on her. Nothing happened when my wife walked in except learning a valuable lesson concerning my new life. It could have been much worse. 

These days, more and more cis women face the same pressures we trans women do when it comes to their personal safety. It's important we all keep our heads on a swivel to stay safe when we go out in public. Stay safe out there.

Vocal Transgender Presentations

Photo from the Jessie
Hart Archives.

 As  most of you know, I am a transgender veteran. This morning I went to the Veterans Administration local clinic to have them take blood for my latest upcoming appointments. Not so long ago, at the same clinic  I seemingly always faced someone who would mis-gender me. I was always infuriated and dejected for two reasons. The first of which I was not presenting well enough as a woman to get by and/or why should it all be on me and my transgender status to be accepted. It became up to the VA. 

I said exactly that to anyone who would listen at the VA. At least in the clinic I go to someone seemingly listened because the clinic has not mis-gendered me once in the last couple of times I have been there. Plus, others in the system have taken the pronoun usage such as "Sir" out of their vocabulary all together. 

Furthermore, this morning my voice once again had a chance to play a bigger role in my presentation because the clinic is still requiring facial masks to get in and be looked at. So, it was up to my voice to carry the day since most of my face was covered up. As far as my voice is concerned, I feel at it's best, it's borderline feminine. In my past I have taken vocal lessons to improve my voices feminine qualities and I do my best to remember what I was taught. It was an easy fix this morning because my technician was so chatty to begin with and started out the conversation with the proper pronouns. I didn't have to do anything but give my blood for the lab tests and I was free to use the exit through the waiting room so everyone could look at me. 

This morning, no one barely raised their head to look at me which is a good thing. So I removed my mask and headed back out to my car through the heavy rain we have been having. But...

Overall I still need to work harder on my voice. One of these days I am going to have to gather my courage to talk to my wife Liz about what she thinks about it. I look at the whole vocal process as putting on the finishing touches to any feminine gender presentation. It's a shame when we transgender women work so hard on our appearance from head to toe, to have it all destroyed when we open our mouths. I know there are many inexpensive tutorials around on line to improve vocal presentations. Many have to do with inflection and how you form your voice in your upper body. My training came through the VA and was very helpful in a short period. 

As with seemingly anything else these days, there are ways around any problem on the internet. I will probably seek out more help when and if I begin interacting with the public more. It's called having your voice and using it too.

It's Women's History Month

 

Image courtesy Christian Lue
on Unsplash

It's Women's History Month which means the world to all transgender women. It's the time of the year when we should scream from the rooftops we belong in the feminine universe known as women. I know you regulars probably have noticed over the years of writing this blog, I have attempted to keep being female and being a woman separate. Why?  Because I equate being a woman as a socialization process.  Being born female is an act of fate while making it into the status of being a woman is a learned process which many females never do a good job of completing.

Plus there are the age old theories you have to be female to birth a child, which is true but on the other hand you don't have to be a woman to not wanting or able to birth a child. My second wife was a prime example of a woman who never wanted a child of her own. All of that disputes the "birth theory" of womanhood as a fact. 

It seems with the rise of anti-transgender feelings has given the "TERF" movement, or transgender-exclusionary radical feminist added chances to be vocal. Especially across the pond where reader Paula Godwin lives. She once described the U.K as "TERF Island." Radical feminists reject trans women and refuse to accept us as sisters. Especially in "women only spaces". You are welcome to do your own research on "TERF's" but it proves to be a complex subject. To oversimplify it,  I always thought the radical feminists  resented us primarily because we used to be men in their eyes. 

I don't know why many so called feminists don't reach out and embrace transgender women during times such as Women's History Month. Most certainly we trans women had the chance to embrace the benefit of male privilege but we soundly rejected it for any number of reasons. Plus, with the state of anti-transgender issues everywhere, there needs to be strength in numbers. While we weren't born female, there still is much we can add to being a feminist. After all, we have seen  first hand the prejudice and discrimination which goes on against women. In fact many of us trans women suffer from a double dose of discrimination. First because we are trans and secondly because we are women. 

The end result to all of this is transgender women arrived at where we are by taking another path to our womanhood. But arrive we did and deserve to be recognized for it. Go head and celebrate your part in Women's History Month!