Why Trans People Can't Have Nice Things

Trans people simply can't get along and this includes me. The goddess knows I have posted a number of crazy photos on social media for the world to see and laugh at. But recently I saw a post of a transgender woman in a form fitting silver lame' long dress. She was asking how she looked. Normally, I leave posts such as this alone thinking I don't want to be the one to throw stones in a glass house. But this time I couldn't help myself. I simply had to comment on the obviously huge belly sticking out in the picture. I commented something to the fact she may want to try some Spanx under garments before wearing the dress again. Of course all of the other ten comments were totally positive and were telling her how wonderful she looked. 

As I look back on it, no comment would have been better than my snarky, trans-naziish, statement I made. But I let it go. 

I was part of the transgender problem not the solution. Just another reason trans people can't have nice things when we snark at each other. Then again, I wonder what an outsider to the community would think about some of the posts I see. I understand. It takes most of us years to achieve even a modest attempt at a quality feminine presentation. 

An example is this five year old fuzzy tavern post of a very fuzzy intoxicated me during a Pride Pub Crawl. I wasn't quite crawling yet when this picture was taken!

No I Can't Help

This comment comes from Calie and goes back to the recent post concerning internalized transphobia. It's a great comment and indirectly happened to me too:

"I assume we're talking transphobia within the trans community.

I helped a very close friend through her transition, from when she was a "he" to the completion of her many surgeries and well into her new life. Throughout her transition, she was very active in our local trans organization but all of that came to an end once she had fully transitioned and started a completely new life and job. She vowed to stay away from the trans community and has continued for many years now to have nothing to do with it. I sort of get that.

What just killed me and pretty much killed our friendship was a question I asked her when she had separated herself from the trans community. From my pre-teens, I have always felt I should transition. For many complicated reasons, I never did. There was a time, following her transition that I was very, very close to making the decision to go forward. I asked her if she would stand by me, as I did during her transition...going out with me, coaching me, helping me with mannerisms, voice, etc......all of the things I helped her with. With no hesitation at all, she said no. She felt that associating with someone who clearly would not pass, at least in the beginning, would result in her being clocked. OK, I get it, but I was deeply hurt and we now speak to each other perhaps once a year."

Thanks for the comment!  I imagine you were hurt! So sorry. 

I had a close acquaintance I saw on a fairly regular basis until she went through the genital realignment surgery. She was always very presentable as a cross dresser and/or a transvestite back in those days, so in many ways I considered her a muse. Even though she didn't indicate she wanted to break off all interaction with me after her operation, I assumed she would want too. After all I was a mere questioning cross dresser back in those days. Perhaps she would have had enough wisdom to tell me moving forward to GRS was not a matter of looks. It was a matter of how you felt. 

I am sorry now I assumed she never wanted to see me again. 

Be Thankful...Dammit

I have never been one to be satisfied. I was always rushing around the next corner to see what was on the other side. Looking back at the majority of my life, I have very few regrets. The one major one I do have is how my gender dysphoria drove me on at often was a frenetic pace. I believe the dysphoria plus perhaps my bi-polar disorder led me to always be on the outlook for a new job and/or a new place to live. Once I achieved a certain level of cross dressing it was never enough which always seemed to get me into more trouble with my wife and lead to more self destructive behavior. For the most part though, I was always able to outrun my self. 

Through the years, I ended up living in many different places such as the NYC metro area all the way to Appalachia along the Ohio River near Kentucky and West Virginia. My self stress ended getting me fired from one job and led me to nearly losing another but I survived. Finally with my share of therapy and by coming out of the closet to live as my true self...a transgender woman.

These days of course, I am seventy years old and have been grounded by choice. My partner Liz has provided me more support than I could ever ask for and I do my best to return the favor whenever I can. I believe thanks to my age and the effects of using the HRT hormones I have mellowed to the point where I can finally appreciate the power of a relationship and not take it for granted. Which I am thankful for. It seems the biggest problem I have these days is waiting for my stimulus check to show up so I can be "stimulated" by getting a letter from our idiot in chief president thanking him for giving it to me. The IRS portal finally told me it was sent out recently. 

So, unlike so many people, we as a family are fortunate to have a roof over our head, food to eat and compatible people I get along with. There are only three of us and Liz has been unemployed now for over a month and her 22 year old son who also lost his job. All he does is eat and sleep and plays video games, so we barely see him,

Even with all these positives though, it's been tough for me. I feel so sad for what has happened to the restaurant business which I spent thirty plus years in and can't wait to safely go out to eat again.

Finally, I do believe my experience as a transgender woman has given me the wisdom and experience to hopefully make it through this challenge unscathed.