Be Thankful...Dammit

I have never been one to be satisfied. I was always rushing around the next corner to see what was on the other side. Looking back at the majority of my life, I have very few regrets. The one major one I do have is how my gender dysphoria drove me on at often was a frenetic pace. I believe the dysphoria plus perhaps my bi-polar disorder led me to always be on the outlook for a new job and/or a new place to live. Once I achieved a certain level of cross dressing it was never enough which always seemed to get me into more trouble with my wife and lead to more self destructive behavior. For the most part though, I was always able to outrun my self. 

Through the years, I ended up living in many different places such as the NYC metro area all the way to Appalachia along the Ohio River near Kentucky and West Virginia. My self stress ended getting me fired from one job and led me to nearly losing another but I survived. Finally with my share of therapy and by coming out of the closet to live as my true self...a transgender woman.

These days of course, I am seventy years old and have been grounded by choice. My partner Liz has provided me more support than I could ever ask for and I do my best to return the favor whenever I can. I believe thanks to my age and the effects of using the HRT hormones I have mellowed to the point where I can finally appreciate the power of a relationship and not take it for granted. Which I am thankful for. It seems the biggest problem I have these days is waiting for my stimulus check to show up so I can be "stimulated" by getting a letter from our idiot in chief president thanking him for giving it to me. The IRS portal finally told me it was sent out recently. 

So, unlike so many people, we as a family are fortunate to have a roof over our head, food to eat and compatible people I get along with. There are only three of us and Liz has been unemployed now for over a month and her 22 year old son who also lost his job. All he does is eat and sleep and plays video games, so we barely see him,

Even with all these positives though, it's been tough for me. I feel so sad for what has happened to the restaurant business which I spent thirty plus years in and can't wait to safely go out to eat again.

Finally, I do believe my experience as a transgender woman has given me the wisdom and experience to hopefully make it through this challenge unscathed.   


  1. I used a vibrator for my last stimulus-check. The results were positive! :-)

    I furloughed myself from my job the other day. The governor had made a proclamation that allowed all those workers who were over 65 and/or with underlying conditions to leave their jobs and receive unemployment compensation. I normally work among large numbers of people, and I normally enjoy doing so. However, even though there are few people milling around these days, the ones who are out are vagrants or "Covidiots," neither of whom adhere to social distancing or any other precautionary measures. Every day, I have noticed their number to grow. So, I quit to reduce my chances of contracting the virus - which, I believe, would almost certainly be the cause of my untimely and unseemly death. Besides, I'll be receiving at least as much money from the state and federal governments as I would have made through the summer season. I almost feel guilty taking the money, but I'm still thankful that it's there for me. Add that to all the money I'm saving by not wearing lipstick (what's the point, under a mask?), and I may be able to retire in luxury soon!

    I'm also thankful that none of this disaster has any bearing on my trans status. I know that many of the trans people who are not fully-out are experiencing anxiety. It must be difficult to be locked up in the house with family, and nowhere to go, either.

    Yesterday, as I was cuddled up on the sofa in my nightgown, I had a warm and fuzzy feeling....then I realized it was because I hadn't shaved my legs in six weeks. :-)


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