Boredom

Indirectly I have found an outlet to relieve some of my boredom. I decided for a change to respond (and accept) more friend requests from my Facebook Messenger app. 

In the past, I only basically accepted women (trans or cis) or someone who lived close geographically to me. Recently though, I have opened up my friends list a little. Even still, I have only 840 "friends" compared to the thousand plus others I know have. 

Results have been predictable. Several of my new "acquaintances" have massaged my vanity by telling me how good I looked and how much they liked transgender women. One in particular wondered how often I made it to New York City. I told her I worked for a couple years in the NYC metro area but hadn't been back for decades, Plus, right now with all the virus happening around there, I don't think it would be my fave place to visit anyhow. I found out too my attachment to younger lesbians continues. Or their fascination with me. I had one supposed 24 year old in Quebec wanting to send me sun bathing pictures. And another in Florida who wanted to see sexual pictures of my partner and I. I just immediately blocked her and laughingly mentioned it to my partner Liz. 

Then I have the ones who busily want to chat, start then rudely disappear without saying anything. I suppose they realized quickly how boring I really am. And, there was a guy named Joe who is my age who would try to chat later in the evening and then (I think) fall asleep in his chair. 

Probably the most interesting chats I have had came from a couple different sources.  One of which was a trans woman who supposedly lives only about 20 miles away. She started an active chat then abruptly ended it, never to be heard from again when I asked her if she had ever heard of the cross dresser-transgender support group I am part of. Maybe she was and that is why she ended the chat :). Then there was the 27 year old medical student in relatively close Lexington, Kentucky. She was attracted mainly to older lesbians. 

Finally, there was the middle aged bitter transgender woman from Ontario, Canada. She has suffered through many genitalia related problems through her life and I suppose if I had gone through it all, I would be bitter too. 

All in all, Messenger has shown me the world is indeed an interesting place, especially if you are like me and take nearly nothing I read with a grain of salt. Excuse me now, I have to go. My messenger just dinged on my phone. :)  

Southern Style

Susan Lee was kind enough to send in this You Tube video on Girl Code "Southern Style." Thanks!!!!

More Such a Girl

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post, we took a quick and all too simplistic look into what happens when a husband comes out to her spouse and family. Of course the path is a rocky one paved with all sorts of misplaced good intentions. Lets' check in with Connie concerning her long term relationship with her wife:

"While all relationships differ in an infinite number of ways, so do those in which one person is trans. Any combination of when, why, where, what, with, whom, and how will make a relationship unique. Also, no relationship is really perfect, and I have to imagine that a gender change by one party would not go toward making things closer to perfection.

In my case, I need to add coulda-woulda-shoulda to the list of variables. I met my wife at seventeen, just four months into a concerted effort to suppress my gender dysphoria. There was no need, I thought, to tell her of my perversity (what I believed it to be back then), because I thought it to be completely under control. I didn't tell her nearly four years later, when we married (still under control). I didn't tell her even after the births of our two daughters (Dad's in control!). When I did finally lose control, it was the end of a seventeen year suppression - but I still tried to keep control through compartmentalization - so, still no need to tell. Of course, the activity of cross dressing in secret eventually becomes no secret at all - even if not talked about. Our relationship had to hit rock-bottom before we could start to really deal with my gender identity together, which - keeping with a theme - occurred another seventeen years later. As I write this, another seventeen years have passed, and our forty-eighth anniversary is coming soon. Our marriage looks nothing like what it started out as (few marriages do, even without a gender conflict). I'm sure that it wouldn't have started at all, had I come out when we met 50+ years ago, nor would it have survived, had I come out to her at the same time I sort-of came out to myself, returning to the "shameful" behavior of my youth.

I could write a booklet on "How Not to Be a Happily Married Trans Woman." I was a husband who was this such a girl, then that such a girl, and many such iterations in-between. Consequently, my wife has had to make her own transitions throughout this whole process - to the point where she has given up having a husband at all, but she still has "such a girl."

Thanks for the comment! 

With my deceased wife, I became a woman she didn't like so well. She was a very natural woman, she rarely wore makeup and dresses. All of a sudden she had to put up with me being the "Pretty. pretty Princess." Back in those days, I was really into being a beginning fashionista...everything she wasn't. Plus, as she wasn't shy about telling me, I really knew nothing about being a woman. Of course with my male ego, I didn't believe her and was destined to never really understand until years later after her passing. I had to live full-time in a feminine world to understand. 

Finally, I came to understand I wasn't kidding myself all those years. I really was such a girl. Unfortunately when I interacted with my late wife, neither one of us knew the real me.