Acceptance?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo recently I have been discussing the cis-woman who can't seem to leave me alone and while she is doing it, has been leaving me snarky comments about my hair,

Most certainly, we all experience different levels of acceptance from cis-women. After all, we have taken the time and effort to enter their world.

As I so often do, I will let you read Connie's opinion on the whole situation:

Connie

"As much as we'd like to be considered part of the club, the amount of acceptance by other women will always vary. Beyond that, their motives are not necessarily the same, either. Some women may be accepting because it's the PC thing to do. Others, seeing a trans woman, seem to want to change us (possibly, just as they want to change a man). Whereas these "changers" would not think of doing so with another cis woman, a trans woman could be seen as needing some help - and these women believe that they are the ones who can give it. Some do so with some tact, while others are just plain blunt. Then, there are some women who are more subversive and catty in letting one know what they think about her appearance (these women probably don't care if you're trans or not; they are just bitches).

I think that I stopped socializing with the oft-mentioned local cross dresser group, mostly because of their requirement that we all be totally accepting of each other. Nobody would dare suggest to someone that they do something that might improve their presentation. When the officers of the club voted to ban one of the members from joining the others when in public, though, I stopped showing up, myself. I could have been the next one out for being a bitch about it, but I thought it best to just bite my tongue. Soon thereafter, another group of cis women with whom I was associated ousted a member because she had raised objections for my inclusion. I was told that the woman was jealous of me, and she did not like being shown up by my presentation. 

All in all, I would rather suffer the scrutiny of cis women than the condescension of the trans group. Whether or not things are said to my face, though, I know that there are always things said behind my back. How do I know? Because I've heard things about others when they're not around. Welcome to the club!"

As I have often written about, one of my first rude awakenings to dealing with other women, was discovering how complex the layers are within the feminine experience. I learned relatively quickly to look for and/or expect a knife in the back from certain cis-women. 

Acceptance was not always as easy as it seemed. 

Surprise!

The other day I inadvertently stumbled upon a cross dresser in Liz's martial arts group. It all happened on Facebook when he showed up in a post about how to go to one of the cross dresser - transgender socials...In male mode. Plus, if you are familiar, he kept showing up in my friends suggestions.

I was surprised since I don't remember seeing him at any of the support meetings. or socials.

I give him all the credit in the world for being able to come out and be who he is!

Liz actually took the time to talk to him. She asked who he knew in the group but he sidestepped the question and wouldn't say. Liz did say he didn't seen overly embarrassed by the questions.

Concerning me, he has never (to my knowledge) even side glanced at me.

Maybe he will now.

The Aftermath

Sunday, I did see the woman I have referred to as the "Prodder" or even "Mom" in recent posts. Predictably, after saying hello, she said I was a good looking "chick" BUT what was I going to do about my hair? I politely explained again, I would know more in a couple weeks when I go to the salon. Then I quickly moved across the room.

The salon appointment will be interesting because Liz has time booked to get her hair colored which she may not want to do now. So, I could move in and take the coloring appointment. The only problem is, I don't know what color I'm leaning towards. On the other hand, I will have the two women I respect the most (appearance wise) on hand to give me advice. If I can do it, or should according to my "advisers" I think I want to stay on the lighter side for a change with my hair.

Yesterday was my therapist appointment, anymore she just seems to zone out when she sees me and I don't really have any serious issues to discuss. We just talked about how much fun New Years Eve was and how much fun it wasn't interacting with the "Prodder".  She did bring up a good point saying sometimes it's just a difficult learning process how women treat each other.

In fact, I have a couple of comments to pass along on the subject:

1. 
   "FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 6, 2019 at 2:45 PM

   "It always breaks down to mother issues, it seems. Knowing that, you have saved a lot of money for Psychoanalyst's bills! :-)
   
   Don't be shy about telling her you do not like being touched, if she should try it again. Otherwise, you will have to be on a literal retreat."
2. 
   Paula GoodwinJanuary 7, 2019 at 9:23 AM

   "I'm still coming to terms with how differently women relate to each other compared to men. I can find it most confusing when some of the people I am interacting with look like women, but behave like men."
3. Fortunately, my therapy bills are free through the Veteran's Administration! Also, I have a tendency to forget how true it is gender stereotypes are on a spectrum too. Cis women have a tendency to get more aggressive in their later ages as their estrogen decreases and testosterone has more of an impact on them. 
4. Thanks for the comments!