National Coming Out Day

Per norm, I am a little late, but yesterday was "National Coming Out Day" for LGBT women and men.

Also "per norm" my coming out was basically backwards. The first time I told anyone I was a "transvestite" came when I was in the Army in Germany. I had a very close knit group of three friends, one of which included my future first wife.

My disclosure came circa 1974 after a Halloween party when I came dressed as a slutty prostitute. Looking back, it's hard for me to remember how I was able to acquire the shoes, clothes, makeup and wig to even attempt to pull it off.

Seeing as how this was way before "Don't ask, don't tell" time in the military, I'm lucky I didn't get reported to the higher-ups. Maybe it did, but I only had less than six months to go before discharge and hassling me may have led to more problems than worth. Of course too, this was way before the transgender term had been invented.

At any rate, later on in life, one of the guys I came out to ended up coming on to me, the other remained a friend for years and as I said the woman involved ended up marrying me.

Ironically, outside of an ill fated attempt to come out to my Mom when I was discharged, coming out to anyone else didn't happen until I came out for good.

Sink or Swim?

In a recent post we discussed a forlorn transgender woman at one of my support group meetings. Sadly, I know she is far from being alone. Gender dysphoria is cruel to say the least. The only simple thing it does is to cause you to build an un- penetrable very dark and lonely closet  to hide in.

As Connie points out, too quickly it becomes a "sink or swim" situation:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEOctober 10, 2018 at 12:20 PM

"I think I was about eight-years-old when my mother sent me to the community pool for swimming lessons. My grandfather was over for a visit when I came home, and he told me how his father had taught him to swim - "He just threw me in the lake, and I figured how not to drown."

Figuring out how not to drown and learning how to swim are not the same thing. Figuring out how to not let gender dysphoria drown you, likewise, is not the same as learning how to live with gender non-congruence. I call it "survive or thrive." I hope your friend learns how to survive long enough to find herself thriving."

Thanks for the comment!

Perhaps the saddest part of the trans woman's existence (in question) is her seeming total lack of regard for how she looks. Most of us learn early and often how much work it takes to perfect a feminine presence. At the least, a quick shave and a touch of makeup may do wonders for her. In other words, she is setting herself up for failure. 

Maybe if she keeps coming to the meetings, someone can help her with it and relieve some of her pressure. I think sometime in the near future, makeup and hair experts are returning to do free makeovers. Instead of going for the "naturals" in the group, maybe she could get some help. 

Even if someone has to tell her to shave. 

Monday's Meetup

The Monday night cross dresser - transgender get together was for the most part exceedingly sad.

Why? The loneliness in the room was perceptible. Even with all the social events the group does. I would venture a guess in any given week, if a person was able, someone in the group was going out somewhere.

Even that though wasn't enough for one of the attendees. She is in her early 50's and must suffer from some sort of learning disability. I have only seen her in one dress with flip flops and short cropped hair which probably may have been blond at some point.

I give her credit though, she feels female and refuses to not go out in the world looking like she does. But, she almost caused me to tear up when she said she was tired of being abused in the world and having no friends.

It was then, several members of the group brought up social media contact and joining up with a few of the other social outings. She refused, indicating it was all over her learning capability, in so many words. I think though, by the end of the meeting, a few of the other members talked her into to trying.

I hope she discovers a new universe for herself because she is talking suicide by the end of the year.

So sad...no it's tragic.