Let's Be Careful Out There!

It's relatively difficult to write a post like this just after getting back from such an affirming appointment I just had at the hair dresser. Again, I had an excellent experience talking about her transgender son and gossiping ever so slightly about a couple girls we both know from the cross dresser - transgender support group. Plus, I witnessed one of those ultra female moments when another woman stuck her head in the room and went wild with her family news. My hair dresser was so polite, until she left. Then proceeded to tell me she never manages to make her appointments right and is always begging to be fit in.

I also found out one of the girls in the group had a falling out with my hairdresser when she told her she didn't style synthetic wigs. Group girl is also the one who carried her "holier than trans" attitude into a tire store and got mis gendered.  She was the first to say she had never had any problems. I'm here to say, unless you have transitioned very well, problems can await you.

As Connie points out, one can never be too careful. She references this post:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEAugust 9, 2018 at 3:31 PM

"As I pointed out in my comment (that you so graciously re-posted the other day), it only takes one bad apple to have a potentially dangerous situation occur. Seattle is about as liberal and pro-LGBT as you can find. I've been told that I have "passing" privilege by many, albeit mostly from other trans people. Even my voice "passes" much of the time, but it is not passable enough to overcome some of the other telltale signs of my prior male existence. My thick hands and wrists (Scandinavian fisherman's hands), along with a muscular neck (developed from playing football) that holds up my big head (seemingly getting bigger with every pound I lose), are giveaways enough. My voice isn't so perfectly female, so the cumulative effect can easily lead to scrutiny.

I believe that the man in the story I told about at the bus stop asked me if I were on my way to work in order to just hear my voice, as he, most likely, was questioning my gender/sex by only looking at me. While 99% of the people I come across in my city don't seem to care about my "truth" as it relates to their "scientific analysis," this creep was probably looking for confirmation of his suspicions so that he could take advantage of the situation and give me all sorts of shit. I doubt that he would have tried it had there been other people around. So, no matter how well you've honed your presentation, whether in look or voice, you should always be prudent and vigilant, especially in one-on-one situations.

If a hairdresser ever suggested that I go back to my original look, I'm afraid I'd have to try to channel Sinead O'Connor in her clean-shaven days. Talk about adding scrutiny to my gender presentation! :-)"

Thanks! Just another reason I am working to make my voice a priority!

Hairdressing

Tomorrow is my second visit to my new hairdresser. In addition to taking a look at the progress/regress of my hair color. We have plenty to chat about.

If you may, or may not remember, it was the expert's idea to let my hair return to it's original color. I don't think the original idea will work but we will see. Plus, from there, we can go to another shade or color which might work better. Either way, it will be a fun visit with a person who has a transgender son (FtM) of her own. Her son has been going to one of those East coast trans kids camps this summer, so I will be interested to see how it went. The goal is to get him hired as a counselor in the future.

I am sure too, she will bring up my voice training, although it is too early (I think) for many real results. The point most miss about vocal training is the safety factor. Potentially, if you find yourself in a sketchy situation, your voice could be the tipping positive factor. One never knows. Not all of us are fortunate enough to live in a liberal, pro LGBTQ area. Or have plenty of "passing" privilege.

Regardless, outside of a screwed typical Cincinnati detour to get there, I'm looking forward to a fun morning.

Can You Help?

Last night at one of our group picnics, one of the other members I have known for a couple years  came up to me and asked if we could talk.

Already, by that point, I knew what was coming. And, there it was, she said she has a 20 something MtF transgender niece who has just decided to begin the coming out process. It sounded as if the transgender millennial has had a fairly positive coming out process, except for a very religious father who still doesn't know.

Fortunately (or not) I am becoming increasingly experienced in having conversations such as these. In the approximately past three months or so, I have had three.

Now, more than ever, I don't sugarcoat the process the transgender person is facing. First of all, attempting a gender transition is a marathon...not a sprint to the finish line. Expect a long difficult path. Secondly, the family has to be very understanding with things such as pronouns and names.

Finally, I said, in a very over simplified discussion, expect many changes along the way, excluding the obvious.

Last night, the woman showed me on her phone, quite possibly one of the best reasons to transition I have ever read.  Very elegantly, the young transgender woman stated the case for transitioning coming down to one simple fact, dysphoria. (Where have we heard that word before?) She explained to the world how she just couldn't live as a male anymore. Plus, it wasn't a choice, she and any other transgender or LGBTQ person was born this way.

Of course, I offered my shoulder to cry on, plus a couple of groups here in the Cincinnati metro area which could be of assistance. Then finished the conversation with each transition is different but I would be glad to help however I could.

It's nice to be wanted.