24/7 and More!

I am sure,  little did Stana know over at Femulate, (or maybe she did) the ripple effect her blog post concerning transgender women being mocked for their appearance would have. Even on other blogs such as Cyrsti's Condo.

You may recall, I added my two cents  basically agreeing with both sides without pointing out key issues such as how often you seek to present and blend as a woman in the public's eye. To put it mildly, it is a daunting task when you shrink your closet from two genders to one. All of a sudden you may not have that hour to cross dress yourself and finances maybe more tight than ever. Makeup becomes more precious as the usage of it becomes more important.

Of course, in the transgender sorority, "passing privilege" becomes a factor too. As we all know, as humans, we all were dealt different hands in the appearance department. Precious few men can Mtf transition effortlessly, no matter how much weight they lose.

Another view was sent along by Sally Bend: "I like Stana, and I usually enjoy her blog, but that post really rubbed me the wrong way - so much so that I find myself reluctant to read her again.

To suggest that ridicule and violence are okay because someone isn't good enough at their makeup skills, or didn't put enough effort into their outfit is ridiculous. More than that, it is dangerous. It hands the close-minded bigots a trans-approved excuse to be as mean and as cruel as they like.

The how or when of your gender presentation/expression does not matter. Crossdresser, genderqueer, non-binary, transsexual, whatever, we all started somewhere, we all learn differently, and we all have different goals in mind. Some of us want to pass and be glamorous, some of us want to slip by unnoticed, and some of just want to be comfortable in our own skin.

And then, to close out her post by telling us not to whine about it when it happens? I am going to echo the sentiments of some of the comments and call that what it is - privileged bullshit.

A little compassion, understanding, sympathy, and support go a hell of a lot farther than mockery and blame. Nobody, especially someone who should be one of us, has the right to tell us we are "not good enough" to be ourselves."

Thanks Sally!

24/7?

This post is a continuation of the post I wrote yesterday concerning Stana's post on Femulate. 

After I finished the post, later in the day, I thought I should have added something about the differences of being part time presenting as a transgender woman, and doing it 24/7 (full time). Obviously, there are huge differences. For example, if we are going out on a special occasion, I try extra hard to look better with my dress, make up, etc.

I still have to go farther than the average cis woman anytime I go out, and for that I will be eternally envious!

For another take on going 24/7, lets hear from Connie:

"The comments over on Stana's blog are quite interesting. Not that they surprise me, but it shows differences in the attitudes between 24/7 trans women and those who express their femininity "part time." Also, that both are reading the same blogs!

Being a "24/7-er," myself, I know that I'm not always going to look my best. If something in life demands that I be there right away, I can't always spend the time to make myself gorgeous before leaving the house. I'm picky about my looks, too!

I laugh at the thought of me, cross dressing years ago in my basement, and dreading what I would do should the house catch on fire. Would I have sought safety only after changing my clothes and washing off the makeup? Now, it's just the opposite, I suppose. Well, except for the fact that I am much more confident in myself these days, so I wouldn't risk my life for the sake of makeup nor for the lack of it. :-)"

Thanks Connie!

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Stana from the Femulate blog recently wrote an interesting and extremely thought provoking post about transgender women who complain about being laughed at in public.

She (Stana) placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of the trans person trying unsuccessfully to present in their desired gender. While some of that is unfair given the extremely un-level playing field we play with as far as looks are concerned, much of it is true.

To start with, I think presentation and/or passing are wrong terms. Better yet would be "blending." Let me give you an example. At the huge grocery store we shop at, I have seen a trans woman or cross dresser outfitted in a denim mini skirt in winter and on the other end of the spectrum, one dressed to the"nines" in heels and hose. Both stuck out like sore thumbs and set off my "trans-dar"immediately.

I think some just say what the hell with their appearance and I agree with Stana, shouldn't complain too much when they get busted. I used to write about the amount of emphasis I put in to skin care and weight loss as I transitioned.

No one should argue how much work it takes to undertake a Mtf gender transition and how most of us have had to grow a tough skin along the way.

While it is true the great majority of us are not and will never be blessed with Stana's looks, we have to fall back on what cis-women do...work on our positives.

Beware of the mirror lying to you and don't be afraid of going back to the drawing board! Confidence breeds success and specifically the cis women in public will know it.