R.I.P Gila Goldstein

Gila Goldstein, who some consider the first out transgender in Israel, fought for her life in recent days in intensive care in a Tel Aviv hospital. Though she was under anesthesia and on a respirator, community members kept visiting her on a daily basis, in order to strengthen her and give her love even in her last moments. Goldstein died early Sunday morning, February 5.

Rest in Peace!

How Exhausting Is It? Part II

I'm always happy when Connie writes part of my blog for me, which makes it less exhausting!

"Your title reminds me of the in-unison question Johnny Carson's audience would ask to help him set up a series of one-liners. Being a transgender woman is so exhausting..."How exhausting is it?"...It's so exhausting that, by the time I've gotten ready to go out, I'm ready to go back to bed...It's so exhausting that I can hardly climb high enough to get into my heels...It's so exhausting that my neck is worn out from constantly looking over my shoulder...

One of the demarcation points leading to my own transition was when I realized it was more exhausting to put up a male facade than it was to be myself - the woman. The days of closeted cross dressing were all about the "transformation", relishing each step: the makeup, the wig, the undergarments, and the clothing. There wasn't much to do when all of that was completed but to admire myself in the mirror, so I exhausted nothing but time.

 Later, going out as my transformed self was exhilarating, but more exhausting than I would be realizing in the moment. Although I still can spend too much time getting ready some mornings, it has now become so routine that the thrill of it is, for the most part, gone. The one thing I would say is exhausting, if not just plain tedious, is shaving my face. A very close shave, one that will last the whole day, cannot be rushed. 

Now that I have to take blood thinners, I must be that much more careful, as any little nick may take an hour or more for the bleeding to stop. I can only marvel at my wife, who can roll out of bed at 6:40 AM, shower, get herself ready, and be at the bus stop at 7:00 AM. I spend that much time just for the shower and shave! Speaking of my wife, my transition can be as exhausting for her as it is for me. 

So, how exhausting is it? Who cares?!?! As long as one is tired FROM living her life to the limits, rather than tired OF living, it's a sign of time and energy well spent."

There is only one thing I want to know...who is Johnny Carson? :)

Seriously, well written!

How Exhausting is It?

First of all, a big congratulations to Stana at Femulate  on her 10th anniversary as a blogger...as Paula recently commented (thanks!) it is a huge task attempting to write a daily blog and stay relevant at all! By comparison I have been at it about five years and I sometimes can't imagine going ten! Way to go Stana!!!!!

Speaking of exhausting, I scanned a post recently about how exhausting it is being transgender. Well, it is for a number of reasons. First, your exterior appearance alone takes up quite a bit more time. All of the sudden the routine daily drag (no pun intended) of what you are presenting to the world takes a totally different spin. Unless you have the will power and finances, like me...I take a half hour to face the world.

An example was yesterday when we woke to a flat tire on one of the cars and I had to call my auto club for a free repair. He got here around nine and I was up much earlier to just get ready to face him in boots jeans and sweater.

Oddly enough, I used my trans privilege and received a nice coupon to take the car to the shop for a tire repair. The driver couldn't have been nicer.

Years ago, I was asked the question what kind of woman would I become? You regulars know I'm very casual externally but internally I think I am much like my Mom, who was for the most part hell on wheels. And, for that reason, I honored her by taking her name as my middle name.

Yes, it's been a long road from my initial scary steps as a girl so many years ago, but as exhausting as the trip had been at times (I wish I had the energy I wasted back) the exhilaration has been nearly as exciting.

Plus the trip isn't over yet. In many ways I still believe it is just beginning.