PTSD?

Post Transitioning Stress Disorder? First of all, PLEASE do not take this post at all as a slight to all of our service men and women (past and present) who suffer from PTSD! You all know since I am a transgender veteran, I would be the last to go down that road.

What I mean is, when you encounter a group of people who begin to laugh or snicker, do you wonder like I do is it about me? And of course a bad couple of bath room experiences are sure to imprint their memories in your mind. This comment from Connie comes very close to what I am talking about:

"I find it interesting that people with whom we have contact may be more routinely accepting of us than we are of ourselves. While others may not even think twice in thinking of us to be women, we are still cognizant of their simple use of the right pronoun. It's probably because there is still always the chance that somebody won't use the right pronoun that makes us so aware. Could it have come to the point where society is evolving faster than we are? Living in liberal Seattle, I have experienced very few "mis-genderings", but it has stung - and lingered - when it has happened. More disturbing than that, though, is the obvious condescension that often is the result of political correctness. Even with good intention, though, I am sometimes left with mixed feelings when someone treats me based on a stereotype they have. 

Recently, I have had someone assume that I was a burlesque drag performer after I told them I was a singer. Another "friend" suggested we could vacation together in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, because they have an LGBT community there - along with a thriving drag club. Just last night (New Year's Eve), I was showered with compliments by a man, but I could finish each one of them with "for a man". That is, "You're gorgeous" (for a man), "You have great legs" (for a man), "What a figure" (for a man). True, I was a bit more "glamorized" for the occasion, but he said things to me that he wouldn't have said to a cis-woman - not in good taste, anyway. Later on, when the clock hit midnight, he found his way to give me a kiss, but I could just feel that he did so with the thought that it would make my night. I was thankful that I was quick enough to do the old head-turn to avoid being kissed on the lips. His (insincere) flattery got him nowhere with me.

 I could go on to consider his latent homosexuality, made more palatable by hooking up with a girl with a penis, but that's another subject (although there is really no way for anyone to know if I still have one of those or not if I keep my pants on). It does speak to stereotypes, however, and how, as well as why, we are treated by others."

Notice Connie's addition "for a man." Is that a form of PTSD?

Reality?

From Connie:

Reality shows.....Mostly show, not much reality. I've given up watching them, and even my curiosity toward this one is not enough to cause me to bother looking for a stream. The only reality I can vouch for is my own, but it still leads me to believe that whatever causes one to have an identity inconsistent with their "assigned" gender is a lifetime condition. I am not completely satisfied with the term, "transition", anyway, but I definitely don't believe that it can be used in the past tense - nobody really finishes a gender transition. I have been considering using the word, "transposition", instead, for my own situation.

 I think that it more accurately describes my own gender process, as its definition can be a reordering or realigning that causes change; not only the change itself. Besides, my fondness of making plays on words leads me to coin a new one: "Trans-position". That is, the relative place one might find herself on the sliding gender scale. I know that I have been sliding on that binary scale my whole life, slowly moving past the center-point toward female enough that I could never slip back so far as to be on the male side again. I know this because I have reached an awareness of self without external influence, and I have accepted the fact that I am who I am based on where I am now, as well as have been in the past.

 I'm confident, as well, that where I'll be in the future will be determined by who I am at the time - not as a result of any chemical or surgical influence. I haven't entirely ruled those influences out (health reasons are impediments at this time), but any decision I may make toward them will always be so much more with consideration to who I am than what I think I need. "What I think I need" is the core of the trouble ahead of which you speak. My word play will call that "Trans-supposition".

I guess my "transposition" came during the years I decided to not be a cross dresser-but a woman. I had to see if it was possible at all and did I want to do the Mtf transition. It's tough to follow because  so many people get caught up in the semantics.  Take the show for example, not once did they allude to the fact the dictated weight loss had any think to do with appearance instead of a healthy major surgery. Which, I thought was good. 

Plus, as you said in essence, gender is more of a slippery slope than any of us imagined. I too, have no desire to go back to my male side-no matter how much easier life would be.  (Perceived)

I was lucky. I had friends who could see the real me and kick me down the slippery slope, off the cliff and catch me at the bottom.

Finally, I like the comment "No one ever really finishes a gender transition." 

Ready or Not-Here We Go!

2017 has made it's appearance.

For me, not a real good one so far, but we all know that will change.

New Years Eve turned out to be windy with rain and snow mixed, so we just stayed home and watched The Ohio State Buckeyes get positively demolished by the Clemson Tigers. The pot of home made chili tasted great though!

Later on that evening, Liz's son came home very sick and managed to pass it along to Liz early today. (At press time, I am surviving well-knock on wood!)

So, our gift certificates I purchased for New Years Eve are still good of course, my new dress can be worn for another occasion and life goes on.