Geez-It's Quiet Around Here

Silence has always been my worse enemy. If I can't be around people and/or write about them, I get a little edgy.

Plus if you try to write as much as I do, I need material.

For example a couple nights ago, a committee Liz and I are working on to organize another witches Halloween Ball met to look at a venue. The venue was perfect (as we all knew) but we had to reserve it this far ahead to get it.

I didn't say much except that last last year's tickets were too expensive and to keep this years price point down as much as we can.

No one from the venue paid the trans girl much attention as I wondered around the place I had such a good evening in the past.

Liz and I actually had one of our first dates there at an earlier Halloween event when I broke one of my own rules and tried to wear heels for the evening.

This year should  be fun as we are doing a version of Alice/Teapot etc. Putting together a costume should be fun.

You may ask how does this all tie together? Actually, it's pretty simple. I didn't have a damn thing to write about so I jumped ahead to Halloween and being accepted by the organizers as who I am-transgender.

I do have a New Years Eve outfit picked out so I was saving it for later. And, next week, is another meeting of the transgender veterans group I am in. Plus, another meeting with my therapist.

Such is life writing a blog!!!

Baby It's COLD Outside!

Just because we hit sub zero wind chill temperatures last night and today around here in Ohio, is not really the reason behind this post.

As I was coming back in from the mailbox a bit ago, I got to thinking how did I know it was cold. Of course I came to the conclusion- it was. It just was.

Then I took the process a step further as I took off my coat, scarf and gloves then applied the process to being transgender.

I always shared a sense of anger and amusement when anyone suggested to me being transgender was a choice. It never was for me no matter how hard I tried to hide it. Being trans just was.

When I finally came to that point in my life when I could accept it, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I knew I was cold today just as much as I knew I was transgender and that alone provided me with a little bit of warmth on a sub zero day.

If I Knew Then...

Often I get asked what I did or what I would change to get to this point in my life and I have a few easy answers which were damn hard to learn!

First of all Mtf gender transitioning to me was not being brave. Embarking on the transgender process was increasing clear to me was one I needed desperately to make it through this world alive. I had to make a change. One suicide attempt was enough.

As far as the mechanics of just living in a feminine world, the complexities were enormous. I found the society of women to be as complex as I thought it would be and it did not take me long to experience first hand the effects of say feminine passive aggression among others.

Then of course there were the problems I still face such as presenting to the best of my ability. I had to learn that more make up was not necessarily the right way to go and how to dress to blend. As I grew my own hair, then all of the sudden I faced another set of challenges. For the first time (since I wasn't wearing wigs) I couldn't easily see the back of my head and had to rely on mirrors to judge how the hair on the back side of my head looked.

When the effects of HRT began to set in, a whole different set of opportunities set in such as emotions etc. On the positive side I began the exciting breast development and skin softening which of course accompanied the process of just somehow feeling different.

Regrets? A double edged sword. Karma giveth and taketh away. On one side I wish I would have started this journey in earnest earlier. But then again I wouldn't give up so many of the fond guy memories I made including the best of all-my daughter.

So, there you go, a very short version of fifty plus years of discovery for me. Starting cross dressing and ending as the proud transgender woman I am today has taken its exciting and then again scary turns for me. I tend to be thinking about all of this more as I pass through the one year mark of legally changing my gender.

The trip is certainly not for the faint of heart, but then again, only your heart can tell you to do it.