A Post I Never Thought I Could Write

Yesterday was a big day - no a HUGE day in my life-my psychologist signed off on my paperwork to begin my gender marker changes.

First  of all, lets back track more years than I can even remember to my earliest fascination with most things feminine. Like most, I made early excursions into my Mom's clothes and makeup. Like many I wanted a doll-not a toy gun for Christmas and like even a fewer, I just wished I could wake up a girl. But- this was in the 1950's and my parents were World War II/Depression born and raised. You want to be a girl, boy????  Get to the barber for your burr haircut NOW. Then go to your room and we will ALL forget this happened. Could have been worse though, they weren't particularly religious. 

Plus, there was nearly no information to work from as you remember back then and most certainly a legal change of my gender was only a distant idea. Instead, I fought the good fight the best I could-still thinking I could beat the deep down thoughts that I could be other than I man the world thought me to be.

I even went the crossdresser route. After all, what harm could be in "fooling" the public into thinking I was feminine. My bi-weekly trips into the world as a girl led to only to more frustration. I would journey out, with various levels of success. If I was successful, I got my fix-for two days at the most. Something was still certainly wrong.

So wrong, I was feeling so bad about my place in the world, I actively tried suicide for the first time in my life. (Some time I will have to explain my idea of a passive versus active suicide attempt.)

Then friends, parents and family began to die on me, so finally I had to follow my soul and transition. Even still, just starting HRT doesn't necessarily lead to changing gender markers.

Finally (as had happened quite a few times in the past few years) I got kicked off the gender marker cliff too. Mainly Liz and my daughter get the credit. They became flat out over me whining over certain aspects of my transition, not to mention my procrastination taking on the whole process too.

See-you all were wrong!!! KIdding! You all were right.

So going back to the beginning, gender is no longer defined what is between your legs, I 
positively love my psychologist AND have been working on my happy dance since yesterday.

After the gender dust settles, Liz and I are going to set a time table to start the Mtf gender marker process in earnest!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!

"Fear and Loathing" on the Elevator

To get to my psychologist office tomorrow, first I have to make several other stops in the VA Hospital- one on the second floor for blood work, fourth floor for my "blood letting" and finally up to the seventh.(where my psychologist office is.) Perhaps if you read Cyrsti's Condo yesterday (and your memory is better than mine) you will remember tomorrow is my first meeting to pursue changing my gender markers.

At the least it will make it easier for the person who called for me with my male name (she had to) to confirm the appointment. She said are "we" coming? Ha-ha! I said, "Indeed "we" will be there to see ""they."

The point to all this jabber is riding in an elevator as a trans woman just could be the most paranoiac experience I have next to bathrooms.

Why? It is not because of any deep fears I have of elevators themselves, unless I happened to find myself on one with Lady Gaga or Kathy Bates on American Horror Story - Hotel. If you do---get off ASAP!

I believe my fear of elevators to this day goes back to my earliest crossdressing in public days. Being "trapped" on an elevator (especially one with mirrors) brought a terror I can only describe as asking Lady Gaga to push the fourth floor button for me. All of my fears are re-introduced everytime Liz and I are going to a big event full of impossibly small attractive cis women in their impossibly high heels and impossibly skimpy black dresses. For sure, feelings NOT only experienced by me - but by so many other cis women to!!!

So elevator time is only another long standing transgender paranoia which needs to go away. Many more people than not have been nice to me, or at the least didn't react to me at all.

I suppose too, I'm lucky I only have seven floors to worry about. I hear rumors about "Gaga" and the Gang having parties on the thirteenth!

Oh-By the Way-

Juliet (right)

Red carpets might be run-of-the-mill for Jackie Evancho since the 15-year-old vocal wonder placed second on America's Got Talent five years ago. But when she stepped out to perform at the Global Lyme Alliance's inaugural gala in New York Thursday, the whole night was full of firsts for the person by her side, her sister Juliet. 
Juliet's first fancy gala, first time posing on a red carpet – and first time sharing with the world that she is transgender. 

As soon as being transgender becomes so routine it is barely mentioned-we have arrived! Sometimes I think we are getting there when I read stories like this;