Men are From Where?

 As we attempt to cross the gender border from one side to the other, we certainly suffer from a lack of much training at all.  We had no understanding of which planet we trans folk came from to begin with. 

Partially because most of us didn't have the benefit of having an understanding mother or sister who participated in our progression into the feminine world. We never were able to indulge in girls only sleepovers where clothes, makeup and other girls activities were discussed and acted upon. Thus, when we actually began to have the chance to live in the world we always dreamed of, we had no idea of how to do it. The only ideas we had were from the outside looking in. 

The whole void we stepped into all of a sudden left us (as novice transgender or cross dresser persons) in a spot which was difficult to conquer. Many of us, including me, went through my feminine teen years which I never experienced in the public's eye. When I did stuff my overweight male body into tight female clothes designed for teen agers, many times I was laughed at when I attempted to go out in public. I found out the hard way my mirror only told me what I wanted to see and the mirror only reflected what my old male self thought was appropriate to present well in public. I was very stubborn in my approach so it took me awhile to realize to survive as a transgender woman in the world, I needed to be able to communicate with all other women. As I did it, I keenly felt the problem I had having no previous training growing up as a girl. Naturally, all the time and effort I put into surviving in a male world were a waste of time.

Perhaps, the biggest hurdle I faced when I transitioned from male to female came when I tried to communicate with other women. Quickly I learned the value of non verbal communication. Which is one of the reasons men and women sometimes misunderstand each other. Ironically, it was much later in my transition when I was finally was invited behind the gender curtain to truly experience how women communicate. I was warned by my wife one time when we had a fight, she told me I made a terrible woman and it had nothing to do with just appearing as one. So I set out to learn what she meant.

It took awhile but lessons were learned. An example was when I knew I had arrived as a trans woman when I was approached by a man in a venue. Instead of looking at him, I looked at the bartender (woman) who was looking back at me in essence to leave the guy alone. It was the first of many communication lessons I learned when it came for me to communicate with other women.

Other painful lessons came when I was involved with other women who I thought accepted me. They smiled and were overall nice to me until when I turned around and they had their claws in my back. Learning the new world of passive aggressiveness would prove to be difficult for me to adjust to. Of course I was used to the more forward aggression men deal with when engaging each other. I had no training in any of this public interaction as a transgender woman so I had so much to learn. 

Perhaps you remember the book "Men are from Mars-Women are from Venus". In my gender explorations I found the book to be true on many levels. Starting with and including communication. As a trans woman, I brought a totally different outlook to the binary gender standoff. I was flattered when women friends of mine asked me to explain what their men were thinking. 

At that point I wondered if the binary genders had a planet, why didn't we transgender people because we occupy such an unique position. Many ancient societies used to recognize us as special. We need to find our way back there again. We just have to be trained to do it.