Stair Step Method

 

Image from Monica Sauro 
on UnSplash...

Every now and then I am asked how I managed to navigate a marriage, a male life and still transition to a feminine transgender life. It certainly was not easy.

I approached it this way, I took it one step at a time. I needed to prove to myself I could take on and conquer each challenge. Early on, the challenge simply meant looking the best I could as a woman. Then it all got so complicated. Each stair step required more and more work, especially when I needed to move fully out of my mirror and take on the world. 

Along the way, I became more goal orientated than I ever was in my male life. Unexpectedly at first  I was surprised when so many strangers wanted to interact with me. The strangers were mostly women who I think were mostly curious of why I wanted to enter their gender world. I needed to quickly add another step in my transition from one binary gender (male) to another (female) and start to communicate face to face with people I didn't know. I was traumatized since first I am very shy and second, here I was trying to modulate my voice to a feminine level and come up with feminine things to say. It was a huge step to take. 

To add into this step, I had to settle in on how I was going to look. No more going to the same venues with different wigs thinking I wouldn't be noticed. Of course I was and as I ascended to the next step there would be no more changing wigs and names when I was meeting the same strangers. As I said, all of this happened so fast, it was a blur to me looking back. 

Other giant steps I took were when I decided (finally) I was no longer a man trying to look like a woman (or cross dresser) and a man who deeply wanted to discard my life and live as my authentic feminine self. If I could climb more steps to get there. I needed to keep trying more and more venues to see where I would be accepted. Which included bathroom privileges. Most of the time I was successful except the notable times when people called the cops on me or I was banned by management. Nothing stopped me though and I just kept trying to find venues who valued my money. I always minded my own business and tipped well, so normally the employee's liked me.

Through all of this, I was desperately trying to negotiate a very serious twenty five year marriage. I guess you could say I was trying my best to build in hidden steps to save what was left of my relationship when all along my second wife hated the idea of me moving towards me living as a transgender woman. 

It wasn't until she passed away, did I take possibly the biggest stair step of all, being approved for and starting hormone replacement therapy or HRT. My body took to the new hormones so naturally, I wondered why I had waited so long. I just couldn't because of the woman I loved as well as being afraid to give up what was left of my male self.

Looking back at all the gender steps I took. I must have been a fairly good carpenter or gender contractor because I was able to arrive at my impossible goal of living full time as a transgender woman. Somehow, I managed to never fall and hurt myself along the way except the times when my ego was bruised which is the topic for another post.