Life Comes Fast

Image from Suraj Kardile 
on UnSplash

It seems like one moment you are a kid in a rural Ohio neighborhood and the next you are a senior citizen transgender woman. 

Life comes at you very fast. Sometimes extra fast if you are attempting to learn to live as your authentic self. Sometimes it seems the more you do to further your gender goals. A prime example would be when you have achieved a spot where you can present as a trans woman who can blend in, then you have to rapidly learn to put your appearance successes into motion. After all, if the public expected you to be feminine, you needed to do your best to do something about it. The whole process came on me fast when other women unexpectedly wanted to talk to me. I think most of them were just curious as they started conversations revolving simple things such as what I was wearing.

Through it all, I needed to quickly learn basic communication skills when I was intensely shy concerning my female voice. I just didn't foresee anyone wanting to talk to me. It turned out this was only the first of many ways life was coming at me fast.

Of course, there was my stint in the military which ended up coming up very fast after I went through years of trying to outlast the trauma of the Vietnam War. The war followed me through high school and then through college. At that point I was smacked down by Army basic training which I thought at the time would derail any dreams I had of ever becoming a woman. Amazingly, the opposite happened. Basic taught me to be more resilient and I was able to make some sort of future plans after I was honorably discharged three years later. Very directly, the Army sped up my life when I met my first wife in Germany where we both served. A couple of years after that, life came even faster when I learned I was going to be a parent of who turned out to be my only child. I secretly didn't desire any children because of the self doubts I carried with me because of my gender dysphoria. I was so wrong.

From my discharge forward, I relied on nothing much more than a series of Halloween parties to keep my life on some sort of a status quo. For the most part, life would come at me quickly again when I was successful in presenting as a woman at several parties. Years later I would wonder why more people didn't foresee my future coming out as transgender because of all the work I did to look good for the parties. But my macho male disguise was so convincing they never did and many were surprised when I let them in to my authentic self. 

More than likely, the fastest my life was ever sped up was when I started hormone replacement therapy or HRT. I just didn't expect the changes to my body to occur so fast and I needed to move up my time table of when I was planning to jump into a fulltime life as a transgender woman. It all worked out for the best because I was tired of my old male life anyhow and was ready for a change. Once I did make the change, my life slowed down and I was able to enjoy it again.