Father's Day

 

Image from Derek Thompson on
Unsplash

This year Father's Day marks a milestone for me. As some of you regulars may remember, Mother's Day this year marked the first time ever I received a Mother's Day gift and card from my only child, a daughter who obviously is very supportive. I need to point out receiving anything remotely tying me into being a mother was totally a surprise.  Or, I didn't ask for it. But, I did shed a tear when it happened. 

Now, on to my Dad. In essence he was long on being a provider and short on providing any sort of emotion. I can't remember him ever saying he loved me although I know he did. 

My Dad was a product of the great Depression and World War II. He was in many ways the image of a self made man and I was in awe of his accomplishments. My Dad rose from very humble beginnings to building his own house and rising to the position of a bank vice president. Since I was there when he mercifully regained his dignity and passed on after suffering from Dementia, I wish I was able to tell him how much I loved him and was proud of the life he had lived. Being a product of his world, I wasn't able to.

Now I regret I never tried to come out to my Dad. My excuse is I didn't know myself what I was back in those days other than a cross dresser or transvestite. Bottom line was I never wanted to face his rejection.

It has taken me many years to do it but now I have reached a point of understanding where my parents were coming from when they raised me. Knowledge of what being transgender was all about was lacking to all of us.

To honor my Mom, I adopted her first name as my legal middle name and finally have come to the point of being able to say I love you Dad and thanks for raising me the best you could and yes it was you I feared disappointing the most when I failed and did something wrong. Coming out as transgender just wasn't wrong.