I Never Looked Back

Image courtesy Rainier Ridao'
on UnSplash 

Once I freed myself from the remaining shackles of my male life, I was fortunate in that I never had the opportunity to look back. Rarely did I think I was doing anything wrong and my inner strong feminine self was ecstatic with the whole process she waited so long for. Perhaps the unique situation I was living in the at the time helped. 

First of all, I was just emerging from one of the darkest moments I had ever known in my life. I had just lost my business not so long after I lost my wife and several close friends mostly due to cancer. At the same time I was really becoming involved with the internet where I could check out the possibility of learning of others in similar situations. Especially in the relatively new world of transgender women. I spent hours when I was off work seeking new information on my computer. The more I saw, the more I wondered if I could pursue similar paths towards achieving my dream of living full time as a transgender woman. The whole process provided me with hope for the future.

It was during this period of my life too when I had very few obstacles in my way. Since my wife had passed away, there was no one close to me to stop me from doing serious experimentation with living life as a woman. I set about to refine my appearance and learn as much as I could about the feminine arts of public life. Primary examples included vocal communication and overall attempts to blend in with the at large public. The whole process was equally terrifying and exciting as well as it took my mind off of my overall problems. Now the process seems like a blur as my inner feminine self quickly took over my life. I decided then to undergo hormone replacement therapy which seemed like the best way to continue my MtF gender transition and never look back. 

I write often about how the hormones affected me and how quick the process was. Possibly because of the fact I was older (in my early sixties) and my testosterone was in decline anyhow. At any rate, even under mostly minimum dosages, I was surprised how fast the changes to my body began to appear. Before I knew it, I was reaching a point where I was a very androgynous human being. Again, I was excited and wanted permission from my doctors to do more. 

I did do more and more and never looked back. Primarily because there was no good reason to do so. Because always living a male life was such a struggle for me and living a new feminine life just felt so natural. My inner self was telling me in no uncertain terms I told you so and I loved it. The feelings continued into my everyday life as I found I could be successful in a woman's world. Finally, never looking back became part of my life as I set out to be the best new person I could be.