Maybe I am Getting Better?

It all started with the compliment I didn't know what to do with from my ex wife on Thanksgiving. It continued with Connie thanking me for the compliment I gave her after the picture she sent in. And, I was complimented on my hair today by my therapist.

I am guessing but I think my inability to respond to compliments or give them goes back to my parents. Growing up, I can not remember a time when I received a compliment which wasn't tied to a qualifier. In other words, you (me) did good, but...

I think also, I have a difficult time with feminine based compliments because I think the "qualifier" is still there. An example would be looking good as a woman for a transgender person or a man.

Truthfully though, I am on cloud nine (where ever that is) following all the compliments I have received on my hair. The qualifier this time is being fortunate enough to still have a full head of hair to not have to deal with wigs anymore. Unlike Connie, who looks great, I was usually hit or miss in the wig department. Mostly miss from quite a few fashion mistakes. I have always believed I was really able to navigate the feminine world as a transgender person after I began to grow my own hair.

Plus, I feel as if I am being repaid hair karma from my time in the 70's when I was in the Army and had to have short hair when everyone else I knew had longish hair. Of course I also completely envied the hippie girls with all of their long hair.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have complimented more women on their hair. I have come to the understanding now why so many women rely on their hairdressers for an occasional boost. Figuratively and literally, it makes us feel better about ourselves.

The bad news is now I will have to find a new stylist to do my hair. My current one had to retire due to carpal tunnel hand problems.

I will miss the pampering I received every two months when I went to the salon and all those pesky compliments which came my way.

Life is nothing without change though and finding a new stylist will be exciting in it's own way.

New life based challenges are good too when you are 70 as I am. There is still plenty of time to get better. I hope!

Comments

  1. Hmmmm. Was I just outed as a wig wearer? Does it look great....for a wig? HaHa! I don't care that people on a trans blog site know I wear a wig; I've mentioned it here many times, myself. I don't really have a choice, and I joke that I could have hair transplanted from the back of my head, and it wouldn't be enough to cover what's missing on the top now - and then I'd be completely bald in the back, anyway!

    I was once told by another trans woman that I would never be able to transition successfully because I wear wigs - no better than a "professional cross dresser," she said. Having a good head of hair is definitely a luxury for a trans woman, but it's certainly not a necessity. I know that I am, at least, more of a lady than she is, and some people may be no better than a "professional bitch," I suppose.

    I receive compliments on my hair from time to time. Some may not know that I'm wearing a wig at all. A friend I've known for five years did not realize that I wore wigs until just a few weeks ago. She had invited me to spend a girls' weekend with her at a nearby casino, and I must admit that I accepted the invitation with some trepidation. I was flattered that she felt accepting enough to be sharing a hotel room with me, a trans woman, not to mention that she also felt safe enough to be doing so. I wasn't sure how I was going to conceal all of the causes of my dysphoria, including my bald head, and her touting the wonderful pool and spa that we could use did not help. I finally told her that I don't swim because of my wig, and I don't think she thought any less of me for wearing one.

    It's been years since anyone has seen my bald head. Even I will spend as little time as possible looking at it. If it's not a wig on my head, there's almost always something covering it - whether it's a turbine or just a towel wrapped around it. I will sleep in a wig if there is a chance that someone may see me. I did it with my friend in the room, and I even left my eye makeup on for good measure. Everything else was covered up, too. ;-)



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  2. I found that it was only when I abandoned the wigs that I began to truly be me, before that I was always playing a part, maybe it was two different parts, but still playing acting. When I could start wearing my own hair it became real!

    I think the thing about compliments of common to a lot of Trans women; we were programed like men, we were expected to give compliments not to receive them, it goes against all our conditioning to simply accept the compliment and say "Thank you".

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