Friday, February 2, 2018

Scratching the Surface

Under the facade I carry around with me daily, comes the worry someone, someday will "bust my bubble" and ruin it all.

Probably though, what is more likely to happen is someone will want to question me about being transgender. Although, it hasn't happened for years. I suppose my insecurities go back to all the days when I was cross dressing and the comments I received. Most because I deserved it for some ill conceived outfit the mirror told me was lovely.

Along the way, as I acquired my own sense of being and style, I did settle into a basic confidence which allowed me to navigate the feminine world.

I really wonder what would happen some time if I do run into a smart arse comment. I wonder if I could be as quick as Connie's retort (in the last Cyrsti's Condo post...Take That Bitches).

And, I'm not the only one. Check out this comment from Tanit:

"All I can say about this jaw-dropping story is that I would DIE if those idiots did that to me. I would never associate with them in ANY way, shape or form after that since I am not a person that could ever get over a "prank" of this caliber. OMG - the thoughtlessness of it! Good on you for taking it like a "man" though, I couldn't... Hugs,

Thanks for the comment Tanit. I have been known to be more than a bit cynical during my life but I would hope (from the amont of time I have known her) Connie and I are mainly on the same pun intended. I wouldn't want to instigate a verbal sparring with her.
Or more precisely, it wouldn't happen because we are on the same level of transition. I don't mean that negatively. As all of you probably know, as you go through life, trans or not, there are different things that bother you. Take my hair for example. I know my long hair is very age inappropriate for a woman of my age. But I know I have waited all my life to grow it and I was fortunate it did to the extent which has happened. Plus, I feel in the absence of a real high quality wig, growing out my own hair was the one biggest step for me personally being able to negotiate the feminine world. 
In the meantime, we all have our transgender crutches to carry around, and sometimes they get quite heavy. 

1 comment:

  1. I, like many of us, spent a lot of time dressed up in front of a mirror all alone. I was always, and still am, my own biggest critic. There's not much that another person could say or do to me that I haven't already imagined and run through in my mind. I have been studying my own dichotomy for so many years that I am conditioned to see both sides of just about everything else in the world. That's why I can, more often than not, come up with a witty retort to another's words or actions. I've found that to be more disarming and effective when dealing with bullies; turning their own words or actions around can twist them to their knees. To argue with them or to say some random mean thing back only serves to escalate, and showing weakness by expressing the hurt only gives them permission to continue. Short of that, or when the right words don't come immediately, I have learned that I can - and have the right to - keep my head held high and walk away from the situation.

    Of course, there have been many times, after an unpleasant incident, when I've cried my way home, alone in the car. I must also say that I don't do that nearly as often these days.

    It's been said that one monkey don't stop the show, but I've found that making a show of the monkey can stop the monkey. This is my show - the one I had kept under wraps for way too many years. I have no time to waste on the monkeys of the world, yet I am prepared to come across one of them at any given time.