Liz

 This post is specifically for the person who substantially contributed to helping me to become the transgender woman I am today. 

For you regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo, you probably already know I am writing about my partner of nine years, Liz. Here is a picture of her from our anniversary dinner Saturday night.

She is the one person who convinced me to come out of my cross dressing closet and become my true self. And better yet, I didn't have to find her, she found me. I never thought as I entered my senior years, I would find someone to love me as much as she does. 

I don't believe in luck but I do believe in destiny and I guess all the time I spent alone following my wife's death in 2007 , proved to be a test. If I held on long enough, a person such as Liz would come my way. 

She took me in, nourished me and made me whole. I love her more than I can say. 

  

Finally!

 Last night Liz and I finally were able to go out to our favorite Creole restaurant for dinner. We were celebrating our ninth year together as a couple. The whole process still amazes me. Essentially she scooped me up off a scrap heap on an on line dating site. She identified as a cis gender lesbian woman in search of another woman. Ironically, she ended up with me. Over the years I have come to view myself as a bit of a hybrid. With the good and bad aspects of both genders. For example, my hormone replacement therapy took away the toxic effects of testosterone but added the problems of the new feelings from the estrogen in my body. Of course I was fortunate in that my health could handle the changes and still does.

Last night was incredible. We were addressed as "ladies" many times as we were able to stay socially distanced. My look was very natural as I was able to get away with just a little eye makeup and my new normal Chap Stick Merlot lipstick. My increasingly long wavy hair was compliments of an after shower mousse and the dress is my black flower print maxi dress. The beer was a local stout brew and the toast goes out to all of you who have visited Cyrsti's Condo over all these years. Ten to be exact. Thanks to all of you!

 

Are you Bored Too?

 Every now and then, this damn virus just really aggravates me with the boredom it produces. Rumor has it I might be able to twist Liz's arm and go out for dinner this weekend. Which I will let you know about later, if it happens at all. In the meantime, let's check in with Connie (below) and how she is handling staying in, and safe:

"Well, I know that I'm just waiting for the senior center to open up again, so  I can achieve my goal of becoming Bingo Queen. I think I'll entitle this phase of my life: "From Bimbo to Bingo ." :-)

OK, that's not completely true. I never really reached (or wanted to) Bimbohood. I have played one on stage, however. Bingo, though not so bad in itself, may be something I could do only occasionally; not so emphatically as may be required at the senior center. Besides, the big draw on Bingo night around here is "Drag Queen Bingo," and that doesn't fit my narrative, either.The city colleges here offer classes to seniors for $5.00 each. That seemed like a great deal to me, until I found that books, supplies, and parking fees would cost upwards of $200.00. Still, keeping my mind active and challenged is high on my short list of things to do.

It wasn't so many years ago that I would sit in my house, with doors locked and shades drawn, hoping that I could, someday, be a part of the outside world as the woman I was seeing in the mirror. Sure, I would sneak out to another part of town to reveal my femininity, but that was only a temporary fix. Your post this morning came earlier than usual. After reading it, I sat on my front porch, soaking in the morning sun and sipping my coffee. Neighbors went by, walking their dogs, and we exchanged pleasantries. I began to think that this was the fulfillment of my hopes. Really, though, it is just a level of comfort that I have reached (deserved, definitely, but not totally satisfying). Then, I began to consider that, if I could put even half the energy into something that I had put into having a comfortable trans existence, I could accomplish all sorts of things. The trouble is that half of the energy is all the energy I can muster up these days. Even half of that, though, would still be enough to do something significant.

There has to be a what's next, because it's not good enough to have the next to nothing I feel now."

The Girl in the Grocery Line

 It's been awhile, so I don't really remember if I did or how long ago it was when I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo of an experience I went through years ago. It was during the time I was living a dual gender existence after my wife passed away in 2007. 

Increasingly, I was spending my life out as a novice transgender woman and one of my favorite things to do was go to a sports bar and watch football, mostly with my two cis women lesbian friends. When I did it, either I ordered a bite to eat where I was, or stopped on the way home to pick something up. 

For some reason, one early evening, I decided to stop at one of my regular food markets I went to as a guy more than a girl. I figured since it was a Sunday, none of the regular cashiers I normally dealt with would be there. Of course I was wrong and ended up right in a line I didn't want to be. I didn't have a choice because it was the only cashier lane open. If I wanted to buy something to eat, I had to hitch up my big girl panties and hope she would not recognize which me she was dealing with. It didn't take long for her sly smile to let me know what was going on. However, she didn't say anything and I paid and left with my well earned food. 

It turned out, it wasn't until the next time she saw me (as a guy) was when she decided to speak up. She simply said I looked good and would have no trouble if I decided to "go that way." Needless to say I was floored and could only come up with a weak thank you in response. 

Deep down inside, the girl in the grocery line probably never really knew how much confidence she gave me during a time of deep transgender confusion. 

Changes

 Over the years I have posted here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the changes which occurred with me as I transitioned from a cross dresser to a transgender woman. I can't begin to tell you how many times I never believed I would ever become a full time trans woman. Needless to say, the further I went down the  Mtf gender transition path, the more diligent I became in protecting my civil rights and the more active I became in voting for those who did too. After all, it was more than my rights I was trying to protect, it was the lives of the future LGBTQ youth also. 

This year, Equality Ohio  has come through with a helpful scorecard which is a great guide on who to vote for. Maybe there will be one in your state too!

What's Next?

 I have always been a "what's next" person. Every time I accomplished something, I was looking for what was coming up next. It all carried over from my day to day life as a guy, all the way to my life as a cross dresser to novice transgender woman.  Once I went out and explored the world from a feminine perspective, I wanted to see how it felt to try it again...and again. Along the way, I considered the possibility the excitement of acting like a girl was what driving me on. The problem with the idea was I found being a girl was all so natural. Sooner more than later I ended up living a full time feminine existence.   

Looking back at the process, so much of it just seems to be a blur. While I see all the transgender women around who remember the exact day they threw out what was left of their male clothes, I don't remember anything other than I did it. In fact, the only way I remember when I started Hormone Replacement Therapy is I began it on a New Years eve. Why? Because I was looking ahead to what was next. When would all the changes start. 

Now being quarantined has severely limited what is next. Unless I can talk Liz into going out for our anniversary dinner (nine years) soon. I just don't see much "what's next" in my future. 

The bigger problem is my age. In a month or so I will be 71, so sooner more than later, I will be running out of next's. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"