Multiple Transitions

As promised, here is the second comment (from Connie) concerning the Cyrsti's Condo post on how I felt when my wife and I were out very early in my transition and she started to talk to another guy:

Better to be a wing-woman for a wife than a competitor. How would she have felt, had the guy decided to sit down next to you and chat you up, instead? There's no doubt that the husband/wife relationship gets turned upside-down and sideways when one of them switches gender.

Years ago, my wife came to a bar where my band was playing (starring "The Fabulous Connie Dee"). After the first set was over, I was going to sit with her, but went to the bar for a drink, first. While waiting at the bar, a guy commenced to hit on me, and, by the time I got rid of him, it was time to go back on stage. A few songs into the next set, the same guy appeared on the dance floor with my wife. I remember the mixed feelings I had, being jealous (as a husband), and helpless (as a woman). I also felt jealous (as a woman), and helpless (as a husband). I really had no reason to be jealous, but I was helpless because I'd given up any rights I had had as a man and husband. It certainly wasn't her choice for me to become her girlfriend.

At that time, we'd reached a point in our changing relationship where my wife was much more aware that my manhood was fading away than I was, myself. She'd already started mourning the loss of her husband, while I was just at a loss of how to be a husband as a woman. I've always felt that it is important to be aware, as part of one's own transition, that it is a catalyst for everyone else involved to go through their own transitions, as well. Because the trans person has, most likely, had years to make the decision to transition, it would be foolish to expect a spouse - or anyone else - to make such an adjustment immediately. In our case, however, my wife's transition had progressed further than my own, at that time.

I'm lucky, if not mystified, that we are still married, just a few days short of forty-eight years. We probably won't be having a big celebration, and I know we won't go out dancing. I'll probably buy her some flowers, but she'll know that I'll be enjoying them just as much as she does; she has for a long time.

Congratulations on your anniversary! The complexity of the gender situation in a transgender person's relationship  is amazing.

A Partner Or?

I received several very good comments on my recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning the day my wife suddenly had the chance to turn into my competitor when it came to a gender confrontation with another guy. It was turning into an increasingly flirtatious situation. 

The first comment comes from Michelleisback:  " I know that the situation, where one realizes the dynamics of male/female interaction, has both good and bad connotations when it comes to wife and husband relationships. It's a real eye opener when you realize that you are the third party wallflower girlfriend, when watching you spouse interact with a male. It makes one wonder if she sees you as competition or just someone that has no recourse but to just go for the ride along and just sit quietly in the background. i guess all you can hope for is that your relationship with her is strong enough to remind her that you are partners in life."

Thanks for the comment! Unfortunately, I don't think my wife ever got to the point of ever seeing me as anything else but competition. In other words, our relationship as two women was toxic. Even though over the years I changed so much  as I grew into being a transgender woman, I am not so sure we could have ever made it together as a couple. 

In fact, before she passed away I was trying to live as a man the best I could. If I had to guess, I don't think I could have made it much farther the way I was going.

I will post another comment later!

If You Had any Doubt

With the upcoming election, it's getting clearer and clearer the choice we are looking at on the ballot. As the nation continues to be embroiled in well deserved protests and the Covid 19 threatens to overwhelm us again. the administration in Washington continues to take our transgender rights away. If for some reason you are still confused what it means to your present or your future if you decide to live a trans life, it is worth it for you to read up on exactly what is in it.. Among other things, in the future, you could be refused care at a physicians office because you are transgender.

The message is clear folks, Biden is far from the perfect candidate but the current evil idiot is a disaster. Further more, if you tell me you just aren't going to vote, or vote for a third party candidate, you are telling me you are indirectly voting for the evil transphobic idiot who occupies the White House currently.  

Buckle up kids, It's going to be a rough road ahead! 

Water Proof?

It's still Pride Month even though most all events around the Cincinnati Metro area have been postponed. As a matter of fact, the main LGBTQ Pride event here has been rescheduled for October. 

This morning I saw an commercial on television for some sort of a water proof make up product. Then I remembered I thought I had a picture from a Pride "Pub Crawl" Liz and I went on several years ago. Of course, right in the middle of it, a rain began to fall. My motto is you can only get wet once, so we bravely moved into the next stop on the crawl schedule. 

Ironically, once my hair began to dry out it more than regained it's normal volume and waves. As the evening concluded, we were able to celebrate Pride in style, if not a dry one! 

It is a Pride I will remember because it was the night I slipped on a curb and re-micro broke my ankle.Hopefully this October at Pride I will be more careful!

 

Another Transgender First

From CNN:

"Rosemary Ketchum won a seat on a City Council in West Virginia, making her the first openly transgender elected official in the state. Ketchum, 26, was elected to the Wheeling City Council, after running on a platform addressing affordable housing and opioid addiction.

I am incredibly grateful to get the opportunity to represent my city" Ketchum said in a statement to CNN. "I hope that this election helps us push the needle in West Virginia so that we can fully embrace the power of culture, diversity, and representation in politics.

I ran for office because I believe the job of an elected official is to reflect the values of their community in the actions of their leadership and that is why I am excited to serve."

In the transgender community we need all of this style of young trans leadership.rship we can find!

Another Man in my Life...Sort of.

As I was writing another chapter in my book called the "Men in my Life", I happened to remember this experience which happened years ago to my wife and I in a small tavern in Cleveland, Ohio. As I recall, we were just trying to waste a bit of time creatively (by having a drink) before we were going to a transvestite mixer that night. 

As we sat at the bar, a guy on a big Harley motorcycle rode up outside and ended up sitting next to the two of us at the bar. Fortunately (I thought) for me he took the seat next to my wife and began to talk to her. I was desperately shy and insecure about myself since I was so new to going out in public as a woman at all.  I also at that time hadn't absorbed much of the interaction of the genders' from the women's viewpoint.

As time went on, my wife and this guy were talking more and more and for a second I wondered what I could do if she decided to take off for a ride with this guy on his motorcycle. The answer was simple. I could do next to nothing except wait for her to come back. 

Probably, the worse part about the entire situation was both my wife and I knew she was totally in control of the whole thing. 

After leaving me to worry about what was going to happen for an appropriate amount of time, in her mind, she excused herself from the guy and we went on on way. 

From the whole experience I learned the hard way I needed to improve my feminine appearance quickly so I could compete more completely if a single guy ever approached my wife and I again. I wanted a fighting chance not to be ignored.  I learned too, the dynamic of wife and husband between my wife and I had probably changed forever. Especially when I was dressed as a woman, all of a sudden I was competition too. 

A True Trans Legend

From the Inside Edition:

"Robina Asti has led an extraordinary life: she flew planes with the Navy during World War II, managed a major mutual fund in New York City and, at 99 years old, still serves as a flight instructor. But don't expect her to get sentimental; Asti has embraced her more than nine decades on Earth with her signature wry sense of humor.

"Being 99 is just a number," she told InsideEdition.com. "It's a number that means 100 years ago, in 1921, some little jerk was born. And that's me."

"I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is see out the window that it's daylight, and I think, 'Hey, I survived the night. Isn't that great? I got a day to look forward to. I don't care what happened. I'm going to enjoy this day,'" she added. "In other words, I've already made me feel good." 

Asti transitioned in 1976 and has become a vocal advocate for LGBTQ rights in her later years. She married the love of her life, artist Norwood Patton, in an old airplane hangar in 2004. The pair had been together for decades before they tied the knot. But when it came time to apply for widow benefits from the Social Security Administration after Patton's death in 2012, Asti was denied because the agency said she was "legally male" at the time of their marriage." 

For more, go here.

The Reality of the Dress

When we are young novice cross dressers and/or transgender women, the power of the clothes and makeup is nearly everything we experience. For some of us the allure of the clothes began to fade early. I began to want to be the girl, not just look like one. 

I think the recent quarantine has heightened the differences in those who have to cross dress to reestablish who they are gender wise. If you use me for example, I always know who I am gender wise and would have to go out and buy men's clothing if I even wanted to try to express any of what is left of my male self. I am making up for all the years when I questioned my gender continually.

So, while I don't need the dresses, hose and heels to feel feminine, it is certainly fun on occasion to get dressed up like I did Saturday night when we went out to eat for the first time in nearly three months. Nothing wrong with any of that since all women get a chance to feel the same way during their lives too. It's part of the fun of a being a girl. 

With my HRT induced body changes, I have found I have made it easier to find "fun" outfits in my wardrobe. If the stars and everything else align, I may even get my favorite summer "boho" outfit past Liz and get to wear it to a lesbian bar in the area. The outfit consists of a spaghetti strap tank top and my well frayed jeans I roll up to mid calf. I wear the whole thing with sandals of even flip flops. I love the feel of the top I wear with no bra...if Liz approves it. Once again I am experiencing extra fullness in my breasts with the increased dosage I am on and I can't forget my hair which is growing rapidly again. 

The problem is the two lesbian bars we could go to are across the Ohio River in Kentucky which is just re-opening on a limited basis and Pride has been moved back until October. I love me some lesbians and hope it happens! In the meantime the reality of the dress (or the fantasy) may just have to wait.  

Do the Clothes Make the Trans Person?

I happened along this article from the Huffington Post which may interest all of us transgender and/or cross dressers. It's about trans woman Stella Sacco and her feelings when she tried on a new dress:

"Whether we do so intentionally or not, many of us use clothing and makeup to express ourselves every single day. When a person transitions their gender, that notion of self-expression takes on an even deeper meaning. 

For Stella Sacco, (right) finding clothing and building her wardrobe felt daunting when she first came out as transgender in November 2017.  

“I know there are people who can really pull off wearing clothing for their authentic gender right away,” she told HuffPost. “But just like cis women, trans women are all different. We all have different body shapes. Some of us are traditionally feminine to start and some of us are not. I’m 6′1 and shaped like a carrot.” 

Finding comfort and confidence, then, was somewhat of a challenge in the beginning. Sacco, 32, had her first experience shopping publicly in the women’s department when a friend and his wife gave her an H&M gift card to kickstart her new wardrobe. She recalled the experience as daunting ― but powerful. 

“That first time I picked out an outfit for myself felt amazing,” she said. “Even the feeling of going in and being really stressed out ― and thinking, ‘Are people judging me because I’m in the girls section and people think I’m a guy?’ ― was hard. But picking out the outfit and being like, this is a full outfit I picked out ― that’s a feeling even now I carry with me every time I go shopping.” 

All great points we will consider in a later Cyrsti's Condo post.