My Life in a Bottle

No Silly's!!!!
I know you were thinking a Jaegermeister bottle.

I'm talking about a pill bottle and all the meds I'm taking.  In essence I have become my Dad in the chase to ingest the most legal substances into my body before I die. I used to think Wow! I hope I don't get to that point but guess what? I'm here and about 20 years early. 

Now, I know no one twisted my arm and said Cyrsti you are going to start HRT or we will make you watch back to back Dr. Phil shows into eternity. 

And of course there are the medications for my other problems. Luckily my "Spiro" lowers blood pressure along with my testosterone, so that's cool.

Plus, I have to take my aspirin a day and huge multi vitamins which look as if they could be prescribed for a horse.

Now, my biggest problem is trying to remember if I took what pill when and I know there is another pill to help me with that. My Doc has told me a permanent magic marker is not the way to go.

All is pretty good now. After all I still sitting here writing this and those little blue pills the pharmacist hollered across the store about -were indeed estrogen not Viagra.

So dammit again! I so wanted to be that virile middle aged guy in the dessert stopping to buy a bottle of water to keep his overheated classic car running! The pharmacist screwed up!

OK kids, here you go. I'm using one of the most over used ridiculous terms of all times: "It is what it is.".  Just what the hell is it and why do I have to accept it?

I do have to accept my life in a bottle to get to where I want to go as a transgender woman. The problem is when they tell you not to be in the Jaegermeister bottle with some of these drugs, they mean it. So bottom line "it is what it is" - dammit!

A Musical Transgender Blond

For all you birthday peeps here in Cyrsti's Condo, this is for you!

OMG!

DUDE! Lose the beard!!!
From Odd Stuff Magazine comes the second coming of Conchita Wurst. No not bratwurst or mettwurst...Conchita.

I had to read this a couple of times to figure out where the writer was really coming from-or where Conchita was. She wrote:


"When I saw the picture I said (very politically incorrect) “Yikes“, when I saw a performance I said “Oh… well…” and when I saw more I said “She will go to Eurovision for Austria“. Conchita Wurst is a fictional character and has come to fame through the recent Austrian casting show “Die Große Chance” in which she came 6th, despite having won the second semi-final.

Wurst (German for sausage) is a woman with a beard, which is exotic enough, but when you hear her sing it’s even more surprising. Her real name is Tom Neuwirth, a shop window decorator who made it (as himself) to the final of the 2007 version of Starmania (He had his coming out during the show). In the final he was beat by no other than Nadine Beiler, who represented Austria this year in Düsseldorf. The Kronenzeitung suggests that the Eurovision application as Conchita Wurst may be an attempt of Neuwirth’s at revenge."

So I guess it's really Tom all along?

This is definitely not Eurovision's first encounter with anything which even hints at a man with a beard singing like a woman.  Back in 1998 Israel's transsexual performer Dana International won the competition. Could it be a shake up in the staid and transphobic American Idol show will break the trans barrier next season? OMG what's next-same sex marriage?

Anyhow, here's a 2012 look at Dana on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

The Moving Parts of a Woman

Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other.  I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape.

This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's, I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category.  First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.

This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.

Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.

Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion.  If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.

You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world".  I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A"  student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.

A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman.  Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".

MO Dave MO!

If one Dave Foley in drag video is good on Cyrsti's Condo big screen-then how about one more?

It's Hot in Italy

I have concluded there are probably at least two million videos on YouTube to pass along on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen. A virtual plethora of cross dressers, transgender, transsexuals and drag queens. Here's another.

Hello? Is Anyone in Here?

Over the years of my life various individuals have asked me "are you in there?"
Good question!

I'm sure others have thought there could be more than one of me once they knew about my transgender status.  Truthfully, I have thought long and hard about that very possibility and thought one of me was plenty to deal with.

Of course I also have the well worked "woman trapped in a man's body" deal. Nope, not so true either. I'm still just me. Which brings me to make up day recently.

Alisha, the makeup guru, was good with more than just her art. She already knew how I recoiled at being compared with a drag queen and said I didn't identify with being a cross dresser either. (Nothing wrong with one or the other.) So basically she said "I don't understand, tell me who you are."

Good question!  Without going into a ton of boring detail I just said my inner person identifies female and I am working to present her as effectively I can to the rest of the world. None of the usual jabbering I'm good at.

Then again, maybe I'm just dealing in semantics? Maybe just saying "I'm a man trapped in a woman's body" would have played just as well.

It wouldn't have mattered-I was still facing the dreaded eyebrow tweezers anyhow!

Empowerment?

Alice, thanks so much for your comment on my "makeover" yesterday:

" Cyrsti, you look fantastic ! It must have been an empowering experience, you sound as if you totally enjoyed your makeover." Alice.

First of all thanks for the wonderful compliment! Secondly, I began to think about the "empowerment" experience you mentioned. Of course in the estrogen laden room yesterday, I guess just being allowed to play was cool even if there were sales potentials for the organizers. That's all good too! I love capitalism.

Alice, you are right I do have a healthy dose of empowerment following the day.  The most difficult part of my life right now continues to be the in between place I'm in with the world. Of course nearly a year and half ago, I was able to put the wigs away and wear my own hair. My own hair was  hugely empowering and now I'm faced with an equally big place-body changes. It has taken me awhile due to small dosages and HRT interruptions along the way. But now I feel another stage of changes coming along with my skin and body and how I relate it to the picture.

Along my transition process, I have been able to glimpse my inner girl here and there in the mirror.  Regardless of any value judgement of beauty queen good looks, or glamour shots or whatever- the picture was a straight up picture of me taken from Alisha's phone.  Bottom line was I could see my inner girl more than ever before in my life. Even I was floored.

So Alice, I do like this feminine empowerment.  Future makeup sessions will be much less scary and much more fun and any skill I can development with my public skills will be huge!

Thanks for the comment!

Cross Dressed Over Dressed?

Or should I say "under dressed"? From YouTube on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen: