Before a Girls Night Out

 

Min on right during Halloween party

As I reread yesterdays' post about my daughter's birthday, I remembered one person who helped me on my journey as a novice transgender woman so much who I rarely if ever mention. 

Her name is "Min" and she accepted me from the beginning as a friend. In fact, she used to invite me over to her house for coffee once a week if I could make it. 

She included me so completely that there was a group of approximately five other woman (including Liz) I became close with.

One of the events we went to was a small Halloween party in suburban Cincinnati which I still have a picture of. As you can see, I brought out the big hair for the evening. One of the rare chances I had to wear it.

It was quite the experience. Not from a Halloween party so much as other happenings. By this time I was an experienced "pro" at Halloween so I was just trying to present as a cis woman dressed for success. I know you would be thinking business chic if I wanted success, I would have to try to out sparkle a couple other women in the group. I have another picture to share of me and another woman who went who is nearly my size I will share before Halloween.

Perhaps the special moment of kindness Min shared with me occurred when I had to go to the ladies room. The venue where the party was being held wasn't the most upscale one in the world so I was afraid of going by myself. Plus I was still fairly new at being out of my gender closet at the time. My solution was to gather my courage and ask Min to go with me. Thankfully without saying a word she helped me find the correct bathroom and helped me . After all that beer, I was desperate!

Min was also instrumental in many other occasions when I was included for the first time in my life in the company of women only. The whole process meant so much to me and aided my progress as a transgender woman. More on that later.  

Girl's Night Out

My daughter on the right with Liz and I

It's my daughter's birthday today and I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to say "Happy Birthday" and look back. 

Before I came out as transgender to her, I had hoped she was raised right and would have no problem accepting her new "parent." 

I was correct in all my assumptions and I "passed" my first test on coming out to the family and the public. 

Once she found out, she proceeded to help me out of my male self and make it into the world as a novice transgender woman. 

One of the ventures she quickly planned for me was a trip with her and approximately six other of her woman friends to a local huge drag show. The Rubi Girls in Dayton, Ohio over the years is a drag troupe which has raised over a million dollars for various LGBTQ causes. They put on a tremendous show. But, I had to get there first. Before hand, my daughter warned me about a couple of the others going who may not be so approving of me. So I pretty much tried to stay low key and blend in. 

For the most part I think I managed to hide my fears and only speak when spoken to. It was quite the experience. The show was entertaining and fun. Too this day, I don't know if my daughter received any negative feedback for my presence. Some day I will have to ask her, if she still remembers. 

Another day out with my daughter which I have mentioned many times was the occasion when she took me to my first visit to a woman's upscale hair salon. My hair was rapidly growing and I guess she thought it needed personal professional attention. The first first turned out to be one of those terrifying yet exciting times of my life. As it turned out my stylist was clear in the back of the room so I had to walk past a seemingly endless row of women in various stages of hair repair. Even though I was so scared, I wondered how I had went this long in my life without experiencing such an estrogen dominate experience, I couldn't wait to do it again which I did until the finances got the best of me and I moved away. 

As you can tell, my daughter did buy in one hundred per cent to me living as my authentic self plus she helped to insure I was accepted by her in laws also as well as her three kids. She means the world to me and laid the groundwork for many other "girls nights out" to come. I learned a lot.

Mentors

Myself on left with Nikki and Kim

As I was looking back through a few of my numerous older posts, I found this one which was originally was posted near my birthday in October of last year. The topic was transgender mentors:

" Referring back to a Cyrsti's Condo post concerning several cis women friends I had when I first was learning to play in the women's sandbox, the term "mentors" came up. 

As I thought about it, I became aware mentors could be a very vague term. For example, many could consider a mentor who aides you with your appearance, make up and clothes. 

As you can tell by the photo , my friends did not emphasize much make up at all. I was the only one who did and I did it all myself.

Of course by that time, I had years of practice. 

What my cis friends did teach me was how to value my self as a transgender woman.  Since they both were lesbians, I learned  I did not need a man to validate me as a woman. 

This picture pre dates my relationship with my current partner Liz, so by the time I met her I had a clearer idea of who I was and how I fit in in a feminine world. 

My advice is to be your own mentor. Practice makes perfect as far as your appearance goes. Plus, once you make your way past the appearance phase, the real work begins. Learning to rebuild your personality away from when you tried and failed to live as a guy is a major task. One example is communicating  woman  to woman and dressing to blend. I learned the hard way not totally accept the compliment of looking great. Great for what? A man cross dressed as a woman? 

Granted, finding a mentor of any form is rough. I was just fortunate when I threw caution to the wind and put myself out in the world.  When you find a mentor of any sort, put your old male ego aside and learn all you can."

I met Kim through her daughter who was a bartender at one of the big sports bars I was going to. It was her suggestion her Mom and I got together for a drink. Nikki was much different in that one night in the same sports bar, she came in for a pick up order and ended up sending me a message down the bar. The whole process just proved to me how successful I had a chance ot being in public if I made the effort to put myself out in the feminine public, no matter how scary it was. I do know perhaps especially in todays world caution is to be used when escaping your gender closet. This is one time your presentation needs to be on point to prevent problems. 

Once I had my mentors and became a part of a small group, life as a transgender woman became so much easier and most of all...fun.