Mentors

Myself on left with Nikki and Kim

As I was looking back through a few of my numerous older posts, I found this one which was originally was posted near my birthday in October of last year. The topic was transgender mentors:

" Referring back to a Cyrsti's Condo post concerning several cis women friends I had when I first was learning to play in the women's sandbox, the term "mentors" came up. 

As I thought about it, I became aware mentors could be a very vague term. For example, many could consider a mentor who aides you with your appearance, make up and clothes. 

As you can tell by the photo , my friends did not emphasize much make up at all. I was the only one who did and I did it all myself.

Of course by that time, I had years of practice. 

What my cis friends did teach me was how to value my self as a transgender woman.  Since they both were lesbians, I learned  I did not need a man to validate me as a woman. 

This picture pre dates my relationship with my current partner Liz, so by the time I met her I had a clearer idea of who I was and how I fit in in a feminine world. 

My advice is to be your own mentor. Practice makes perfect as far as your appearance goes. Plus, once you make your way past the appearance phase, the real work begins. Learning to rebuild your personality away from when you tried and failed to live as a guy is a major task. One example is communicating  woman  to woman and dressing to blend. I learned the hard way not totally accept the compliment of looking great. Great for what? A man cross dressed as a woman? 

Granted, finding a mentor of any form is rough. I was just fortunate when I threw caution to the wind and put myself out in the world.  When you find a mentor of any sort, put your old male ego aside and learn all you can."

I met Kim through her daughter who was a bartender at one of the big sports bars I was going to. It was her suggestion her Mom and I got together for a drink. Nikki was much different in that one night in the same sports bar, she came in for a pick up order and ended up sending me a message down the bar. The whole process just proved to me how successful I had a chance ot being in public if I made the effort to put myself out in the feminine public, no matter how scary it was. I do know perhaps especially in todays world caution is to be used when escaping your gender closet. This is one time your presentation needs to be on point to prevent problems. 

Once I had my mentors and became a part of a small group, life as a transgender woman became so much easier and most of all...fun.  

New Seasons

 Even though it is still fairly hot and humid here in Ohio, the calendar has turned over into September. Unless climate change has completely destroyed what to expect, we should have another month of summer like weather to go.

Jessie with Brutus Buckeye

One thing that climate change can't disrupt is the beginning of football season. Football is one of my favorite fall happenings for many reasons.

As a cross dressing man, football was the only sport I was remotely good at. Thus, I have a little inside knowledge of the sport and remember vividly when I was hit so hard by a pulling offensive lineman, I thought right there I was correct about wanting to be a cheerleader instead. Even though I couldn't play at a high level I still maintained a love for the sport. Plus, as I have written before, liking sports hid my greater desire to lead a feminine existence 

As I transitioned into my authentic self as a full time transgender woman, my love of sports became a problem. After all the stereotypical woman didn't spend a lot of time or energy involving herself in the world of sports. I remember stressing on what I was going to do. Give up my love of sports for my love of being a transgender woman. 

With a little help I made the right decision. I was able to look at my wife as an example who was nearly as big a fan as I was and we went to many sporting events together. In fact, I can only think of a few times I went to an Ohio State game without her. Drawing on her as well as a few new female friends I had made as my new self, I was able to continue that part of my life I loved so much without any interruptions I used to plan days off around big games and wear my best makeup along with my favorite team (Ohio State/Cincinnati Bengals) and go to one of the big sports bars I was a regular in to watch the game. Ironically I had to play down my knowledge of the game around certain men I met.

Later the process and friendship evolved to a point when I was invited to a real live NFL/Monday Night football game Thanks to Kim even though she knew I was going to lose. Even though I took the loss in stride, I was the real winner. I went to a stadium full of people as a transgender woman! What a thrill as I look back at it. And, terrifying at the time.

I wrote this post today because tonight is the huge The Ohio State Buckeye versus Notre Dame football game in Columbus, Ohio at the Horseshoe Stadium. It should be a classic. Regardless, fall brings along other notable happenings such as the changing of the leaves, leggings, boots and sweaters and of course Halloween, Which I will have my yearly series of posts explaining all the fun and games.

In the meantime "GO BUCKEYES"

No I Don't Hate my Body

Overlooking the Ohio
Jessie Hart

 I recently happened on a post from a transgender woman about hating her body. Reason's of course bordered on the effects of testosterone poisoning. 

Similar to many others, I paid the price of T-poisoning. According to casual on lookers the only feminine attribute I had were my legs. I had the typical thick torso and broad shoulders of any other men. I had to try my best to camouflage my shortcomings. Because I was a cross dressing or transgender woman, I struggled with styles and sizes until I reached a level of getting it right. 

At this point too, I struggled with how I viewed my body. When I was cross dressing as a man often I was ego driven concerning my appearance. Over all I didn.t see what the fuss was all about and except the time I was at work and had to wear a freshly pressed shirt and tie, jeans and T-shirts were the way to go. It was the easy way out. 

The feminine side of my soul which was desperately trying to get out into the world was the opposite end  of the spectrum. The wonderful world of women's makeup and clothes presented a glittering opportunity to explore the world I always wanted to try. However, the fashion and makeup mishaps were numerous. It took me time to leave the fun behind and find the proper look to enable me to blend in and enjoy my time out of the closet. 

Through it all, it would have been easy to hate my male body but I didn't. Primarily because this was the body who helped me to play athletics . Playing sports was the way I kept the bullies away. I wasn't particularly good but the plan worked anyway, Also, perhaps the biggest deal with my body was how healthy it was. In fact the only operation in my life outside of dental surgery was when I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid.  The older I became, the more I learned how wonderful good health was,

Now of course I have all the aches and pains of a soon to be seventy three year old body but I still have to remember how good my body has been to me. Primarily now since it tolerates my hormone replacement therapy and equally as important the medications I take to control my Bi-polar condition. I am indeed fortunate. 

Not long ago I wrote how some transgender elitists may pull a transer than thou with me because I had not pursued or under gone any gender realignment surgeries. In my mind why should I when I have been able to live a fairly successful life as a full time transgender woman without subjecting my body to extremely invasive operations.   

So no I don't hate my body for happening to be male. It's taken me a long, often interesting journey.