"Patch" Day

Today I administered my own hormone replacement therapy by applying the synthetic estrogen hormone Estradiol through patches. For my dosage, I apply four of them twice a week 0.1 per patch. I don't write often concerning HRT because everyone is different. Different dosages, different ways to administer the hormones and last but not least your age. 

I am fortunate in that at my age I was healthy enough to begin the therapy at all. Not all receive the same opportunity. Plus, as I always mention, do NOT try to administer your own HRT without medical supervision. Playing with your hormones can be dangerous. I have seen it in action a couple years ago when I attended a "Trans Ohio" seminar on hormones. They featured several different transgender women who abused their hormones by going on line. One was nearly killed. 

I receive my hormone replacement therapy meds  through the Veterans Administration Healthcare system. The process has it's benefits and drawbacks. The benefits include access to a free endocrinologist who monitors my overall bloodwork all the way to a co-pay system where I can purchase my medications at a discount. The drawback includes the VA is very conservative in what treatments and medications it covers. A good example is the Spironolactone medication I am on. It actually serves a dual purpose  of reducing my blood pressure and testosterone at the same time. I understand there are other medications which might do a better job and may be safer but they are n

From the Jessie Hart Collection

ot approved. 

Of course there are many ways to administer your HRT medications. All the way from pills, to patches, to injections.  Years ago I settled on applying patches because I was satisfied with the results I was getting. I have read and heard from numerous other transgender people who really love the changes they have gone through with their hormone injections, Regardless, my main point is, as long as you are doing HRT safely that is all that matters.

Then, there are always the questions. How soon will I begin to feel the gender changes and what occurred under what dosage. These questions have always been nearly impossible for me to answer. For several reasons. The first being the time which has passed since I started my HRT. Since many times I have a difficult time remembering what happened last week, something which occurred nearly ten years ago is impossible. Looking back I do recall how shocked I was because of the feminine changes I was starting to go through. An example was how quickly my breasts began to change and how fast my hair began to grow. Before I knew it, or even wanted it to happen, I had to locate my loosest fitting shirts and begin tying my hair back in a pony tail. All of the changes, not to mention the internal ones started to move my time table up to begin telling the few remaining friends and loved ones I had left the news I was transgender. 

The hormones also had a wonderful way of quickly softening my skin, all the way to me being pleasantly surprised how the angles of my face began to soften and change along with my body hair (except beard) thinning out. Through it all, I had to keep in mind I was in my early sixties and my testosterone would be naturally dropping anyhow. Making way for the new estrogen push. 

On patch day, I always try to pause and thank the powers above for my chance to experience this life the best I can. As far as your response to hormone replacement therapy, your results as I said can very widely on age, dosage and application. Good luck!

The Younger Generation

 Connie responded to the "Better Late than Never" post. Here is her well thought out comment:

"The younger generation invalidating their predecessors is as old as humanity, itself. One of the joys of my parenthood has been hearing my grown children spout out with words of wisdom that I had said to them when they were younger (which, of course, they had pooh-poohed at the time). I don't expect it to be any different, as it pertains to gender identity.

Photo Courtesy Connie Malone

As difficult as it was for those of us trans people growing up over 50 years ago, I have mixed emotions when I (not often) consider the "what ifs" of myself growing up now. As wonderful as it would seem to have been to have access to puberty blockers and other hormone therapy at a young age, those things come with a whole different set of problems for a growing (emotionally, even more than physically) child. The social and political climate today must make it so much harder for trans kids, especially those kids who had started a transition, only to have resources taken away - even the threat of it.

Although I came to realize that I could have come out much earlier than I did, I can't allow myself to waste the time I have left by dwelling on that. In fact, I have precious little time left, considering the control I would have to give up, should being confined to a care facility become a reality.

If I had to miss out on the puberty blockers, maybe someone will come up with a geriatric blocker soon - but I don't have time to dwell on that possibility, either. Call me an old lady, just so you call me a lady! :-)"

Thank you for the comment. I also cannot help but wonder how life would have been like if I would have been afforded the luxury of being myself.  I am nearly certain nothing comes without it's consequences, good or bad. 

Recently I had the opportunity to meet a pre teen transgender girl during the Transgender Day of Visibility get together. She was obviously pleased. Here she was with the opportunity to be with an incredible group of accepting people. I felt so good for her. On the other hand though, how intimidating would it be to be looking ahead at a gender journey most certainly to be full of unexpected challenges. Plus, how would I feel if my child faced the same path. I am certainly biased but I would try every thing I knew how to help and protect my child. 

As far as the younger generation goes, I agree all we can do is try to plant a seed and hope it grows. I am a believer too that when you try to brainwash a child into believing only certain ideas, once they are free from your bonds, they will go an opposite  way anyhow. Hopefully all these kids you see with anti LGBTQ signs in far right rallies will follow their own heart  and know it is wrong. 

After all, the future belongs to them.

Better Late than Never?

I am aware I have many interested readers who may share basically the same age I do. In other words, they are senior citizen transgender women and men. I am seventy two and have heard from a transgender woman who came out when she was eighty. 

Unfortunately,  I see a few people coming out with negative comments saying we senior trans people are less than valid because we came out so late in life. Before I explain my reasons why this is so wrong, let me share this comment from Georgette, who happens to be a senior and transgender: 

"Some of us may come out early, some may come out late, BUT it is important we come with no regrets and try to live the rest of our lives the best we can.

It does no good to look back and say what if BUT always look forward."

Christine Jorgensen

Thank you for the comment! I know in my case I was busy battling the "system" early in life which led to very little room for anyone to operate outside of the binary gender spectrum. In other words, boys were boys and girls were girls and there was no in between. One of the few examples of a person escaping the "gender system" was Christine Jorgensen who made headlines when at the age of 24 she began hormone injections to begin one of the first sex change surgeries. As it was referred to in the early 1950's.

Even I was too young to remember when the news was released but I know as I grew up, she was one of the only examples I could look up to .Plus, I had to be very careful how I did it because I had limited access to magazines and newspapers in the semi rural area I grew up in during the 1950's. 

Even with the obstacles I faced "back in the day" I was still able to explore my desire to explore being a girl. So you could say, even though it was impossible for me to come out in the dark ages I lived in, I still was trying.

Like it or not, there were dues to pay and luckily I was able to pay them. Including negotiating a very long military conflict (war) in Vietnam which was going on through my high school and college years. As Georgette said, it does no good to look back but referring back to my history degree, we are doomed to repeat our failures unless we understand the history behind it. So I would hope senior transgender women and men everywhere take the time to feel a little pride in what you have helped to develop in the LGBTQ community. Surely, the "T" is still feeling the pressure to conform and/or disappear but we have helped to create a voice to be heard.

I know I write quite a bit about my experiences over the years but I do it to perhaps help or (on occasion) even entertain as many of you as I can to the peaks and valleys of coming out as transgender. 

As I become older yet, my paranoia rests with my final years in an assisted care facility.  I need to look forward to making it the smoothest transition of my life which has already gone through a few major transitions.