The Luck of the Irish

 Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you! May you wear your finest green feminine attire and have a safe good time. 

Without a lot of fanfare, Liz and I are going to join several of our transgender friends we haven't seen  forever for dinner.  For the occasion I have picked out a green sweater I have had for some time. 

To my knowledge I am not Irish but I certainly will take advantage of any of the luck which happens to come my way!

Were you Bullied?

 So many gender dysphoric individuals sadly have to put up with the effects of bullying when they grow up. The process is capable of scarring them throughout their lives. 

Ironically, effeminate boys and men on occasion transition into the most natural women so it's the age old "give and take" story. 

As we all know, there are as many forms of bullying as there are different forms of human beings. Children can be emotionally abused all the way to being verbally abused. Even resulting in physical trauma. Plus there is religious bullying which I don't even want to discuss. 

Photo by Morgan Basham on Unsplash

I escaped being bullied by escaping into the ultra masculine world of sports. Back then, very few girls attempted to play any sports at all in the Midwestern rural area where I grew up. So by participating in football, baseball and basketball, I could at least for a time escape my desperate desire to be a cheerleader rather than a player. 

Once I hit the high school years, I transferred to a new much bigger school and was faced with making new friends. Again back where I lived in the early 1960's, schools were still years away from having any sort of LGBTQ clubs or organizations. No where to meet like mined individuals, even if I would have been brave enough to do it. What happened was I did meet a few others I as able to form friendships with. Although none I knew of who shared my gender dysphoria. Of course I didn't have a name for it. All I knew was somedays I woke up desperately wanting to be a girl and it was slowing dawning on me I didn't want a girl sexually...I wanted to be her physically.  

Through it all, I was able to escape the bullies and essentially disappear into the overall mass of students. Plus I did over compensate and played on the high school football team until I broke an ankle. Not the fashion accessory I was looking for. 

The problem was I didn't really know what I was looking for. I was too shy to even ask a girl for a date but then would go home and if I was alone dress up like her, But I thought I needed to try to date a girl to once again prove to my family and friends I was a masculine person. I solved the problem by letting some of the girls in high school I barely knew set me up with a date to the schools' junior prom. I thought the whole process would once again solidify my maleness and set me up for success as a male. The whole process once again would keep the bullies away and even help me if one of my two stashes of feminine clothes and makeup was discovered. 

It breaks my heart to read about transgender or gay youth who are not supported by their families. There is so much more information available today to aid in their lives. 

As far as bullies are concerned, I fear they are as human as the species goes. After all, human beings are an Apex predator and like sharks, smell blood in the water. The real parenting challenge comes in not raising a child to be a bully.

However you survived bullies in your life, I hope you were finally able to escape all the negative problems which may still plaque you. I know I still have the resulting fear of being laughed at when I am out and about. It's frustrating because one way or another I was able to escape the problems of being bullied.

Did I Really do That?

 When I look back on my fifty plus years of my life as a gender dysphoric person, I wonder why I did certain things. Many times I manage to come up with these memories in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Along the way also, I try to come up with ideas for another post. 

One of the most problematic times of my cross dressing life came when I became able to purchase different kinds of wigs. Similar to a kid in a candy store, I became addicted to deciding when and where to look for and buy new wigs. Sadly I was still in my "big" hair faze and ended up trying to buy and then wear the biggest hair pieces in the store. I persisted even though I had several clerks try to tell me I was making the wrong choice. 

I was sure the next wig would help me to become the irresistible feminine person I just knew I was capable of becoming. To add insult to injury, by the time I tried to brush out and style a wig, I ended up ruining it further. Often all I ended up with was a clown wig suitable for Halloween, As in the picture I added. 

Of course what was good enough for Halloween wasn't good enough for everyday life. What made matters even worse was when I first started to go out I would use a different name to match the wig I was wearing. For example (as I have written about before) I was Roxy when I wore my big blond wig and Darcy when I was wearing my dark wigs.

My collection also wasn't limited to big curly styles, I purchased a long dark wig once which actually matched my own hair color at the time. It was very thick and straight and resisted my attempts to ruin it. There were several good endings wearing that wig when I wore it on a girls night out with a group of servers from a regular sports bar venue I

frequented. Which you can see here.

Through it all I finally settled on a longish straight blond wig which was slightly longer than shoulder length. It wasn't till then I settled down to being the same feminine person as much as I could, without the clown hair. It enabled the public who I was beginning to meet frequently to settle in on seeing the same person. 

One regret I do have is that I didn't save all the money on the wigs I did buy and invest in a a good/quality hairpiece. My excuse is I was still searching for the transgender person I was to become. 

Now of course I am one of the lucky transgender women who does not suffer from any male pattern baldness. I have been able with the assistance of HRT to grow a full head of long wavy hair. Which is the envy of my daughter who has commented why she didn't inherit my hair. 

Unfortunately, my experience with wigs wasn't the only ill advised stunt I tried when I transitioned but often it was the most visible one.