We Got Mail

 I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond to several comments on my "Passing" post as well as others. I simply have been to busy this week to contribute much to Cyrsti's Condo. So, in no particular order, here are several of the comments. Tomorrow I will add more.

Ironically, Georgette commented she was surprised by the lack of response:

"I was hoping to have some others comment on your reflections,

Back in the Dark Ages, The other TW I knew were much older than me, Age 23-27 vice their 50s-60s, Had never knowing any TM,

I can't recall we called it Passing but was learning to just Blend in with other women in our age groups, Couldn't really go stealth as my entire family has accepted me, And where I transitioned at the same place of work,

To go wherever women would be and see what they were wearing and how they conducted themselves,

I guess for me as a youngish woman I did have the advantage of youth,

For those older TW they just settled into a more comfortable look, Nowadays I see so many late-in-life still want to look like those younger women, I keep my opinions to myself as most don't want advice just affirmation, I have been blocked or un-friended when giving some advice/criticism, Even here on Medium I was blocked with no reason given.

When I decided to come back out to this new LGBT+ world, I looked at a lot of women in their 60s and decided I didn't want to look like them, My style is a more comfortable woman but still not ready to give up on being attractive, Most times people don't believe me when I give my age as 71.

But sometimes I wonder if going back to be mostly stealth would be easier, In the General non-LGBT+ world I am."

Thanks for the  comment. As you all can probably tell, the number of active commenters I get in relation to the overall number of hits I receive on the platforms I write on are in a small minority, which is fine. Back to the comment. Georgette, I am of the same age as you and do my best to dress to blend in with. Fortunately I lived through my attempts at not dressing age appropriate.  On the other hand, I try to make sure my minimal make up is properly done and my hair is brushed.  I think it is slightly humorous when my partner Liz always runs to put on makeup when I do when we go out. I tell her she wears makeup because she wants to and I wear it because I have to. 

Also Georgette's comment comes from the Medium writing platform I post to. I'm humbled and flattered to have received an award from them as being one of their top LGBTQ writers. If  you are interested, go to Medium.com for details on their service. 

As I wrote, there is much more to this post coming up from Connie, Paula, Emily and more. Thanks for your patience.

Now What? An Adventure in Sexuality

 

Way back when, even though I was trying completely to transition into a transgender woman, I had never given much thought to any potential changes in my sexuality. I couldn't see myself being with a man except if he was validating me on his arm as a woman. All of those thoughts changed when I met the guy and his bike. For you purists I think he owned a classic Indian Bike. 

I'm sure through out the years I had some sort of tunnel vision about my feminine appearance. Even though I wanted male validation from how I looked, I could never imagine really being with a guy.

Of course gender and sexuality are two separate terms. For simplicity, gender is how your perceive yourself as a woman or a man (or somewhere in between.) Sexuality is which of the binary genders you wish to have sex with. Again allowing for desiring both genders is a possibility. 

Somehow growing up wanting to be a girl rather than just look like one didn't allow me the idea of being sexual with my own gender. Looking back at my high school and early college years though, I think I did have a crush on one my closest male friends. A crush which would forever remain a secret. 

As life progressed and I interacted with my second wife while cross dressed as a woman, I had a  chance to experience what gender life would be like from the feminine side. On one of the trips we made together to a transvestite mixer we decided to stop at a tavern for a drink before we went. As we sat at the bar, a guy parked his Harley motorcycle by the front door and ended up sitting down next to my wife. He ended up having quite the conversation with her and ignoring me. So much so I wondered if she would end up leaving with him to ride on his bike. Of course I was helpless to do anything and let her take control of the situation. It was a feeling I would never forget when she didn't go anywhere with him. Ironically, years later I would another interaction with a man and his motorcycle of my own.

I have written how quickly I arrived at the "now what" moment with him too. He was as sensitive as he was gruff looking and totally validated my desire to be a woman. I remember wishing at the time I didn't have a wear a wig (and had my own hair) so I could beg a ride with him. But the wig I wore just didn't fit that tight. I could only fantasize what it would be like to ride with my hands around his waist. But a fantasy would all it would ever be with him.

Later in my transition, I did have a few other opportunities to date other men. In fact one of my first dinner dates with a guy was with a trans man friend of mine. A couple other dates went relatively well but overall I had a difficult, even miserable time finding a date with a man. On the other hand it seemed I was finding my interest from women was reaching a all time high. At first it confused me until I learned to relax and enjoy it. I have written in depth about my success (to this day) with lesbians. On the other hand I was able to befriend several women and their husbands too. I suppose being a gender hybrid has it's advantages.

To this day, now what never became a reality as I have never been with a man. Years ago I had a cis woman friend of mine who said get a banana and practice. Rumor has it, I did just in case. Or should I say "Justin Case". I only know Justin wasn't riding a motorcycle. 

A Good Question

 

Recently I wrote a post concerning the term "passing" and it's relevance to transgender women and/or cross dressers today.  Georgette wrote in with this response:

"I'm not sure the idea of "passing" will ever go away. I see so many on-line posts of Trans People still asking/worrying about it.  And it is not just transgender women, many younger trans men are asking the same.  The ones that give up and say they will never pass  say that's OK as I will own being a transgender woman. But I wonder if they could pass would they still own being a trans woman."

First of all, thanks for the comment. In my experience, most all of the transgender women I knew who readily passed, all went stealth and were never heard from again. Of course, my disclaimer is my examples came from "back in the day" when going stealth was the only way to go. In other words, stealth meant being invisible to the public than being anything other than a cis woman. 

I have two specific examples of trans women who closely followed each other in their transitions. In fact, I think their genital realignment surgeries came in the same year. Both of them had an advantage in that they had natural feminine tendencies and passed very easily. Yes, I was quite envious as I struggled to work with the qualities I did have to get by  Through it all, as I tried to come to grips with my gender identity, I was able to essentially "carve" out my own little niche. 

These days, I find myself  struggling with going stealth myself. In fact if the truth be known, I am an estimated  ninety per cent in the world as a cis woman. When I refer to this, I need to explain for the most part it has little to do with appearance and more to do with confidence. Much of my confidence comes from having Liz by myside. She has my back when/if anyone miss-pronouns me. Ironically, I think we get more public push back from those thinking we are lesbians. 

In addition, I have pulled back from most of my participation in the transgender - cross dresser support group I used to be fairly active in. I just don't feel a part of it anymore. Being a full time participant in a feminine world has eliminated the need to get all dolled up to be with other like minded individuals.  If I truly thought I had anything to add, I would go. Many of the other attendee's are much younger so there is an age gap to consider also.

Still,  I do think I carry the stigma with me of wanting to "pass" as a cis woman. Too much time , effort and worry went into during my gender transitional years. I can't forget also how much the femininization affects of hormone replacement therapy helped me align my inner and outer selves. Finally I  learned none of it still matters totally. An example was the Thanksgiving debacle I went through with my daughter's in laws. My excuse for their miss-gendering was how well I imprinted my maleness on them earlier in my life.

It's a good question.