No Power no Post

Source: Cyrsti
Hart

 Yesterday turned to be a complete bust as promptly at 7:45 AM, our electric power went out. After the usual paranoia about paying the bill, I realized it was too early for even the electric powers to be to be shutting it off. 

Since my partner Liz is still very much a working woman, she gets up before me to have her morning coffee, take care of the animals (except me) and get her morning meditations done before clocking into work as she works from home. 

As I turned over and noticed all the power was off, Liz met me at the steps to the bedroom to tell me the energy company had robo called her and said the power would be restored in approximately two hours. Approximately was the key term as it was nearly twelve hours before our electric was restored. 

We live in an all electric home, so everything ground to a halt. Including our heat. 

Heat wasn't so much of a problem to me because it isn't that  cold and I could but on an extra sweater. What really bugged me was not having a television. I was forced to spend extra time faced with only me. I am my own worst best friend always overthinking every situation which causes me extreme anxiety at times.  To counteract part of my destructive thought processes, I even sleep with the television on. The harmless shows on the "Hallmark Channel" always seem to do the trick and I can quickly fall asleep. I truly get panicky inside if I have to think of sleeping without noise. Fortunately, Liz has learned to live with my quirky behavior. 

The whole day of facing myself stressed me so bad I still couldn't sleep when I went to bed, television or not. I finally fell asleep approximately four thirty in the morning. It's barely 10:30 AM now, so that is my excuse for this rambling post. 

 As with any negative situation, there is usually something positive which comes from it. The good thing that happened was I  found I was going to get an extra night out because we had no way to cook dinner. The trick was to put what ever small amount I wear anymore on by flashlight. The whole process turned out to be surprisingly easy. In fact, I thought of many cheap shots to use when describing my makeup which I won't use. The good part was I was riding a wave of confidence because when we went out to vote on Tuesday, the lady who checked me in called me mam. That's always reassuring even though I have never experienced any problems when I have gone to vote. 

The only problem we possibly experienced at dinner was one older woman who couldn't seem to not wanting to stop and stare at Liz and I as she was leaving. It was so bad even Liz noticed which is rare. Normally I always do before she does. It's possible also, since Liz and I were sitting together across from her son, the woman thought we were lesbians which is a whole other story. 

All in all the power was on when we returned home and life returned to what passes for normal around here. With or without sleep.

Putting Yourself Down?

 Mark sent this comment in regarding the recent post called "You Make a Terrible Woman". "Very well done too Liz viewing YOU as a WOMAN ...NO--Way do YOU make a terrible Woman . Putting your self down there .MARK"

Source: Cyrsti Hart

Thanks for the comment Mark. First of all I don't think either of us (deceased wife) or myself took it literally the way she said it. First of all, I didn't make anything. I only was moving in the only survivable direction I could by putting my male self in the closet and living as my authentic self. Plus, since she is no longer able to speak for herself, she did add she wasn't referring to my appearance.

Being of a stubborn nature, it took me awhile to understand exactly what she was trying to tell me. After all, I had spent a lifetime admiring and observing the girls and women around me. By doing it I could only observe the external workings of a feminine world. If I had the chance to go inside, perhaps I wouldn't have been so enamored with the feminine binary gender. As I learned so many years later women operate with their own set of unique passions. Specifically with aggression. Understandably, men deal with power and women with passive aggressiveness. 

I am fond of saying when I started to play in the woman's "sandbox" I found I had  to be on the outlook for knives being aimed at my back. Smiles many times meant nothing. 

So Mark, I wasn't really putting myself down. Her comment served to send me back to the drawing board. I had to find out what she meant. In those days it was difficult because of the very rare times I had to get out of the closet and live as my authentic self. In fact, it took me twenty years before I could even come close to doing it. 

Once I did begin to get out in the world, I found appearance was the easiest hurdle I had to face. Not because I looked so good, it was because other factors became so important. Such as very quickly I had to learn to communicate one on one with other women. All of a sudden, what they didn't say became as important as what they did say. Plus, what was I going to do about my voice. I finally went to a voice coach to learn the difference between men and women as they communicate. 

In some senses I feel the powerful "terrible" comment is a wonderful motivator for me. It keeps me focused on being the best person I can be and not squandering a truly powerful opportunity to lead a quality life as my authentic self.

Monday Inspiration