2016

 By accident I found this picture from 2016. It was taken with a couple of old friends (cis women) who helped me find my way as a novice transgender woman. As a matter of fact, I think I was still wearing a wig when this was taken:

Is Passing Mainly Confidence?

 When I write many posts, I usually come up with ideas I could have added. Normally I didn't add them because the post was already written or would have made the post too long. The same thing happened to me yesterday when I wrote a post concerning passing privilege. 

Then I began to remember a few of my previous posts as well as various comments from Cyrsti's Condo readers such as Connie and Paula. One theme seemed to come through, having confidence in yourself was the main way to "pass" successfully. 

Speaking of "Paula" I enjoyed one of her comments referring to a few of her ill advised fashion choices in her early cross dressing days as being a "howler." I know I was too and no amount of confidence could help me. As a matter of fact, I was doing my best to destroy any confidence I was building by making poor choices. My main example was being way too fond of wigs which were better suited to drag queens. Unfortunately also, the drag queen wigs weren't my only "howler" mistakes. Mentioning them all would make this post way too long! It's easier to write, if there was a bad cross dressing mistake to make...I made it.

The good news is I survived and once I learned to blend in and to dress for other women, I developed confidence and you could say I gained "passing privilege". 

Ironically, nearly all of passing to me became a reality when I arrived at the point when I didn't care what the public thought of me. I just followed my basic rules of blending and confidence and/or passing followed.

I was able to live my life as a transgender woman and put my howler days behind me.

Passing "Privilege"

  I know many of you follow Stana's Femulate Blog as I do. If you do, I am sure you saw the series of responses from readers to Stana's question concerning the time or times they have "passed" as a cis woman even though they were transgender or a cross dresser. I read the experiences with great interest but decided not to add my own oft repeated occasion when I went to a transvestite mixer and was nearly turned away for being a "real" woman. 

Ironically then I read a lengthy and in-depth insight into passing written by Phaylen Fairchild on "Medium". 

"Let’s call “Passing” what it really is: The desire to meet the standard of an external social gaze. The privilege of blending in with the rest of society as a “norm” rather than stand out as an “other.” I am not sure why no one has told these incredible people why standing out is far more powerful than falling into formation to satisfy the often unreasonable definitions of femininity and masculinity as if they have firm definitions… they don’t. I know many women with masculine traits, wide shoulders for example, arms with ample hair, some stand over six feet tall or are mistaken for a man on the telephone because their voice is not received as explicitly female. There are men with small waists, even proud busts that make small-breasted women jealous. Some have soft features or mannerisms that have been classified as traditionally feminine. That fact is, while masculinity and femininity are identifiable characteristics, they are not and never have been exclusive to men or women, transgender or not."

She goes on to say: 

" The demand we place on ourselves to satisfy the external gaze becomes nearly excessive, thus, self destructive. What does the perfect woman look like? How does she sound? The ideal man?"

You can follow this link to read more but in the meantime, I think Phaylen's next post should be based on "passing privileges'" which she seems to have from her picture above. 

I know in the all so brief fleeting moments when I have completely passed, I could only describe the time as wonderfully liberating. To the point in which I immediately wondered if it happened at all.