The Trans Craft

 We all know there is an amazing amount of effort which goes into the gender transition enabling we transgender women and men to live comfortably in our chosen gender. It is truly an unending craft a person has to learn. To name a few important gender variables, there are make-up, clothes, hair, accessories, deportment and communication to consider. Then again, even a "normal" cis woman is constantly learning about her life as she lives it. We all know from our "observations" how positively cliquish cis women are about basically dressing the same. Examples would be as they age, skirts grow longer (when they wear them at all) and/or their hair gets shorter. 

Although, I didn't intend it to be when I started to write this post, I have decided to reference Stana's recent post in her "Femulate" blog. Years ago, I experienced the pleasure of briefly meeting Stana when she was in Dayton, Ohio. The one most amazing part of her presentation I remember were her remarkable legs. She is tall and her legs went on forever. I remember also the few men in the hotel lobby who noticed her too.

Stana is approximately my more mature age and like any women of our years we face certain pressures to conform. Legs in her case and hair in mine are prime examples. My hair is way too long for a woman of my age. It has grown down to nearly the middle of my back now. I look at it this way. I have waited decades to be able to grow it this long and if I am condemned by a few, so be it. It's all part of my "craft". I don't have to worry about wanting to wear dresses everywhere. I never have and was condemned by more than a few other cross dressers when I started to come out because of my desire to wear slacks or even jeans. 

On the other hand, Stana, keep showing off those amazing legs! You have them girl, flaunt them!

Finally, if the truth be known, this post was supposed to go another way. So I will save it for another day. 

Gender in a Cage

Among the rest of the critters around here (three cats and a dog) we have a ferret. Ours used to have a companion in her cage but he passed away some time ago. Since she really doesn't have a choice, the ferret is very territorial of what is in her cage.

This morning, as Liz was feeding her, she left the cage door open for a couple minutes. As I observed the ferret checking out her potential freedom, I was surprised she didn't attempt it. She simply leaned out of the opening and never made a break for it. 

The whole episode made me think of my life as a transgender woman. I reflected back on all the years I had to stare longingly at any opening I had to cross dress and leave the closet. But, similar to our ferret, it took me years to make the leap to gender freedom and live my life in a feminine world. 

Who knows? Would I still be lingering behind if it had not be for a series of friends who helped push me out of my closet and into the world. Another way to look at it was, I viewed changing how I lived crossing the gender frontier as sliding down a slippery slope towards a very steep cliff. 

About that time, when I was frequenting sports bars cross dressed, I encountered, friends such as Kim, Racquel and Nikki who always saw my feminine side. As I was able to slide down the slope and see the opening which was preventing me from gender transitioning totally and escaping my cage or closet.

Then there was people like Liz and Andrea who made sure my landing was soft and more exciting than I ever could have imagined. I also would be remiss if I didn't mention another group of people such as Trish, Ed, Jen., Steve and Debra (and others) whose acceptance was so critical to me building a new life. 

Of course, I can't tell what the ferret thinks but I am so happy I made it out of my cage!

Another Look at Transgender Socialization

 Connie responded to the Cyrsti's Condo post on transgender socialization with a look of her own:

"It's true, at least in my case, that living a gender-dichotomous life has required a different sort of socialization. My experiences have been three decades ahead of Ms Tanenbaum's, and, as such, included even more of a self-induced socialization - especially during my formative years. Society was largely black and white on gender in the 50s and 60s. In those days, if one displayed behaviors that did not strictly adhere to society's expectations, they would probably be labeled homosexual. As much as I wished I were a girl, I was more afraid of being seen as a gay boy. From what little I knew (or thought I knew) of gay people at the time, I was absolutely certain that I didn't fit that mold - certain most of the time, that is. I often contemplated the possibility that I was, but would dismiss it because I was attracted to girls. But, then, I would wonder whether I were only attracted to girls because I wanted to be like them, or that I wanted to be "with" them.

Perhaps, the bigger question would be: If I were like them, would they still want to be "with" me? In real life, I was socialized male by default. In my own secret fairy tale life, I was astute enough to the socialization of the girls that I could appropriate femininity any time my male-self was not in demand. There were so many times that I would come home dead-tired from football practice, but become completely regenerated by the chance to express my feminine-self when I knew nobody else would be home for an hour or two. Looking back on it, football was my release, while abandoning all male expectation in favor of my female-self was my relief. Eventually, long after my football days, it was becoming dead-tired of just meeting male socialized expectations, at all, that led me to a more-feminine socialized existence. Inasmuch as "trans socialization" is being used as an argument against certain feminists' accusations that male socialization invalidates a trans woman's actual womanhood, I'm not sure it's enough to change their minds. 

Personally, I'm not really concerned, anyway. For those who would judge me more by how I got here than by who I am now, I have no time for wasting. I had already wasted enough valuable time judging myself the same way."

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