Coming Out Day and Safety

 Another LGBTQ coming out day has come and gone. Surely, it is for those of us who have been out and living a full time transgender life  for years, easy to say just get out of the closet and do it. 

Realistically though, there is so much to consider to do it. There are family and financial considerations to encounter and work your way through. And normally  this is just the beginning of a coming out process. If you are a transgender woman or a trans man, you have to figure out the intricate nature of transforming your physical self the world sees so it syncs up with your inner gender self. Ideally, once you accomplish all of that, your life will become better. For some, many expensive, painful procedures and operations follow just to help accomplish the gender syncing process.

Of course there is another important lesson to learn when you transition into the feminine world. You lose your male privilege. When I first transitioned, I learned the hard way. I lost some of my basic intelligence and that was the easy part. I was lucky in I escaped the physical dangers I encountered when I ignored the fact I wasn't a guy anymore. I have written before here in Cyrsti's Condo about the night I was nearly over powered by an over zealous admirer all the way to the night I was caught walking down the the street late at night in a downtown urban environment by two guys wanting money. 

All of this leads me to the most sobering truth of this post. As of now, over thirty transgender women (that we know of) have been killed this year. In the USA alone.

All of the statistics point to the fact when you enter the feminine world, you have to learn quickly what cis women know...be careful out there!    

Inspiration

 As Cyrsti's Condo is firmly entrenched in it's tenth year of existence and with over 6,000 posts, finding new topics to explore becomes increasingly difficult. It's during this time I aggressively seek outside sources for ideas. 

Recently, I found this quote which describes many of the early experiences I went through as I explored the feminine world as a cross dresser earlier in life. This was before I transitioned into a fully functioning transgender woman.

Every once in a while though, I encounter the occasional novice transgender person who thinks I magically arrived where I am now with very few problems. All of that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Like so many others who encountered gender dysphoria during their life, I seemingly had to go through so many self destructive times which I could write a whole new post about. In other words, I felt the fear and did it anyway...the wrong way. 

I was fortunate though in that I was able to grasp a couple of things which helped to to get by and even succeed.

The first of which was being able to begin HRT (hormone replacement therapy) which at my age wasn't a given. I had to have the good health to do it. Essentially what happened to me outside of the obvious was the feminine pronouns took the male edge off of me. I became easier to get along with. 

The second of which was when I encountered a series of cis women who welcomed me into their circle and I was able to learn more completely how to exist in a feminine world. 

Overall, this phrase became my mantra and I have been able to succeed. I never take it for granted. 

 

Internalized Transphobia

 From Connie and indirectly Emma, we received this comment on the blog post "Saying Hello":

" I think Emma hit on the main answer by referring to "Internalized Transphobia." Through our own insecurity, we can often project it on to others. When I first presented my feminine-self to the outside world, it was in association with a trans (mostly cross dresser) group. I quickly learned the rules of trans engagement, and one of the top rules was: Whenever two or more are gathered, the chances for being outed are exponentially increased. Especially when we are out by ourselves, as when shopping, we are often very much aware and self-conscious about being outed. As upsetting as it may be to out oneself (as by the sound of our voice, for example), it would be not-so-cool to press another trans person into a situation that could be upsetting to themselves.

I run across trans women quite frequently when I'm out and about. Even though I am so much more secure with myself than I used to be, even seeing another trans woman is a reminder of my own gender identity and dysphoria. If we should make eye contact, I normally just flash a friendly smile (now hidden behind my N-95 Covid mask, unfortunately), just as I would with anyone else. It's like being stopped at a four-way-stop intersection when the drivers aren't sure who was there first, and who should make the first move. Of course, there have also been instances where the other person made a concerted effort to avoid me by making a u-turn (something I've never experienced with a cis woman). Years ago, while I was doing a job making late-night deliveries in a small business district , I spotted a young trans woman at an ATM across the street . We were the only people around, and I guess my gaze was a bit obvious. She responded with an enthusiastic flip of the bird. Actually, my only thought was that of admiration for being out at such a young age, but she didn't know that. We were being influence by each of our internalized transphobias.

I might note here that I have met with Emma once. We had a pleasant happy hour meeting in a busy downtown lounge. Although I don't think either of us were too much under the influence of transphobia, I remember thinking to myself afterward that we could have talked a lot more about something other than being trans. Perhaps, we'll meet again some day, without the Covid masks - or the trans masks, either. ;-)"

I think too, so many transgender women or cross dressers are so desperately trying to "present" they don't want to be recognized and this results in "internalized transphobia " too.

Thanks for the thoughtful comment!