It Always Gets Back to...

This morning we did our weekly shopping. And Paula, this was just down the street...not a hour and a half away like my medical appointments. She commented across the pond in Great Britain, people just don't have to travel the distances we do here in the United States. I did neglect to say, I travel by choice to my original Veterans Administration Hospital, which I like better than the closer one here in Cincinnati.

At any rate, before I ramble any further, let me get back to my original point. For some reason, with the help of a couple ibuprofen, I felt physically very good this morning, and was able to throw my shoulders back and do my best to glide like a woman.

The best part was, I didn't care what others thought. Once I get to the point of having the confidence to look strangers in the eye and try my new speech patterns on them, it's all fun. I am in control of the situation. It helps too if I am not in some sort of physical pain in my hips or legs from thirty plus years walking on concrete floors in the restaurant business.

Also, I thought my make up was purposely subdued as were my clothes...designed to blend with the majority of the other women I saw shopping. Just done to the point of looking as if I wasn't trying.

The icing on the cake was when our coffee shop barista said "You ladies have a nice day."

I just love it when a plan comes together, even though it took decades. 

Doing the Right Thing

One side of myself through all my cross dressing closeted years wanted desperately to believe I was made of the "right stuff" for continuing to fight all the evil urges I had to be a girl. In fact though, all I was doing was tearing myself up. Would not wish it on my worst enemy.

On the other hand (as I mentioned a couple of posts ago) there were the occasional shows on television which had a male actor cross dressed as a woman. I remember distinctly hoping no one else would start complaining to change the channel and me trying to act like I didn't care.

Of course, many of us transgender women feel the same way and were raised close to a similar way.

Take Connie for example, discussing "Geraldine" on the "Flip Wilson Show."

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 20, 2018 at 12:58 PM

"Those were my college days, when the Flip Wilson Show was on TV. I had gone into my "Great Suppression" in 1968, after a fairly regular closeted cross dressing life of six years. I was very aware of the term, transvestite, and sexual deviant, too. As was my sneaky way in those days, I took Psychology courses as a way to safely research my "condition" (which, of course, I had overcome with pure will power...push down the urge and live with the purge). Wilson's character, Geraldine, was of interest to me academically, and I was very attuned to what others were saying about the characterization.

I had one of the only TVs in my college dorm, so there were usually a few guys in my room watching the show with me. I studied their reactions and made mental notes of their communication - both verbal and nonverbal. My conclusion was that I was doing the right thing in suppressing my gender identity, as I would have surely suffered total humiliation had my secret been revealed. I did consider a ploy, whereby I would suggest that I cross dress for a skit for the all-dorms talent show. That may have been putting myself on a slippery slope, I thought, but the real reason I couldn't do it was that being a clown was not the way I felt about myself.

I remember that the skit we did do was a mock Tonight Show, and that I played a Frank Sinatra-type character, singing "My Way." What would have happened had I come out as Doris Day, singing "Que Sera, Sera"? Many years later, "whatever will be" finally turned out to be my way!

BTW, I rewrote the lyrics to "Que Sera, Sera" for a show I used to do called "Passing Fancy with The Fabulous Connie Dee." It goes like this:

When I was just a little boy,
I asked my mother, What will I be?
Will I be pretty, or just some bitch?
Here's what she said to me:

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
Whether you're "He" or "She",
Que Sera, Sera.

This is, of course, pure fantasy. My mother would never have said that!"

Pitch Perfect

Recently, I received a comment from Bobby ross, in Cyrsti's Condo concerning a vocal training course:

Bobby rossSeptember 19, 2018 at 2:17 PM

"Thank you very much, you have an engaging blog … keep it up Cyrsti

BTW, I have been trying to feminize my voice. I did a research and discovered that it is possible to feminize your voice without another excruciating surgery. I searched around and found this tutorial: http://bit.ly/2PKkjjd (Sorry I don’t know if I am allowed to post links or not). It is a set of easy to follow at home exercises. It looks interesting and the testimonies are inspiring. I like to know your opinion, do you think it is useful? (I did study some research papers and their claim seems legit)"

Thanks Bobby for the kind words! As far as the link goes, I checked it out and realized I had seen it before. First of all, I think you can get out of anything you want with the proper amount of effort. For those of you who don't know the course Bobby is referring to lasts about one month and costs one hundred twenty seven dollars. I'm sure if you take the course and put the proper amount of work in, it could be very effective. 

I think the most important part of vocal training is to have someone in the field make a determination on your natural voice pitch. Once you have it, you can work to make it more feminine by the way you communicate. Basically, women start and end their sentences on a smooth tone...men have the tendency to be choppy and to the point.  The easiest way for me to describe it is to add a "sing-song" rhythm to your speaking. It has been very difficult for me because of all the years of male training I have had to NOT sound that way.

However, I am the first to say I'm far from an expert. 

 Now, I better get into my voice homework!