John or Joan Q Public

I was out and about in several busy stores and a restaurant today.

Initially I was surprised by a couple of smiles I received by a couple women and one man while we were shopping at the grocery store we visit regularly. Exchanging smiles with cis women isn't so unusual because women are allowed to greet each other without knowing one another. The man, on the other hand was intriguing, because I normally don't get much response from my old gender.

Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary happened, even with the few kids I ran into.

As far as the restaurant went, I have been there several times before and tip really well, so we got the same server and she remembered us. During this food venue visit  I had to use the rest room and my potty PTSD kicked in. Nothing happened though, as I walked right by two servers and went into the women's room. My only worry was a big "red neck" looking very non personable manager who was "running the place. Again, no problems.

No body screamed "Hey! that's a man in the women's room." Actually, that hasn't happened to me in a long time. You would think, I would be working my way through it. But I haven't.

So, all in all, I had a fun day in the public's eye. Now, if I knew what that guy was thinking...

Rest in Peace

Last week, we lost two celebrities to suicide. Kate Spade of the hand bag fame and famous chef Anthony Bourdain. I was never in the financial position to purchase a "Kate Spade" bag, but, especially after my career in the restaurant business, I loved Bourdain. To the point of reading one of his books.

Kate Spade

Needless to say, I was in shock, then again not so much.

Anthony Bourdain

I have my own suicidal demons which are addressed with my therapist when they get too loud. Sufficient to say, my demons will be brought up this Tuesday during my next therapist visit. I am betting I will have to bring up the fact I am entranced not so much of the whys of their suicides (which I understand) but of the hows. The problem is I have learned to cover for my demons over the years.

Some even assume since I have been able to Mtf gender transition, it is all I live for.

Naturally, suicide is a very personal and complex issue and it is easier for me to write about it than speak to anyone about it. Plus, I know I have almost instantaneous access to various suicide hotlines. Including a Trans Vet Hot Line.

Also, in a sense, I suffer from going through three very personal suicides when I was younger, so I know the cost involved to the ones you leave behind. The guilt just builds.

Finally, thanks to all for reading my vent. I am OK and it means a lot I can write about something this personal.

Creating a Vocal Identity

Every once in a while, I need to revisit my quest for a more feminine voice here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Over the past month, I have pretty much had to stop my vocal exercises due to a bad throat cold which makes me sound like a frog...not a girl.

However, during my therapist's appointment on Tuesday, she owes me an explanation about what she has been doing to hook me up with a VA vocal therapist. I am betting she has done nothing until I force the point. Which I will.

I also saw additional information from my news feed which includes vocal information from nearby Ohio University (not Ohio State).

"For individuals who are transgender, voice is a very high consideration although it probably isn't an area of practice people think about first," said Sarah Taylor, M.A., CCC-SLP, clinical supervisor of Speech-Language Pathology in Ohio University's College of Health Sciences and Professions. "Vocal cords are tiny and picky. We help create a voice that reflects the individual, but is also safe to produce."

As the individual treating the majority of adults within the Hearing, Speech and Language Clinic, referrals for transgender patients looking to alter their voice came to Taylor who said, "The clinic's commitment to Safe Space and service availability as well as an interest in voice evolved into the current programming offered here. The hope is that these services will expand."

With speech therapy, altering a voice to a different pitch is possible although the time frame greatly depends on the individual. Time has to be spent changing the "muscle memory" of the cords while time is also spent on identifying the sound the person is seeking to achieve

For more, go here.