New Year's Resolution

The beginning of a New Year is always a great time to make a resolution (or two) and make changes in your life.

Rarely though, does a human being have a chance to make a resolution as momentous as changing one's gender.

Indirectly, it happened to me.

Even though, I had decided it was time for me to MtF gender transition from part-time cross dresser to full time transgender woman, I had not started my hormone therapy.

As luck would have it, I received my first prescription of estrogen just around the middle of December. I decided to wait until New Years Eve  to take the first pill with Liz at my side. This was nearly four years ago and I was to start HRT on a minimum dosage for the first six months to check for any adverse reactions.  After the first six months, I proceeded to have my dosage increased to what my Doctor perceived was still a safe dosage. Eventually I switched to the Estradiol patches which I am on today.

As New Years Eve approaches again, Liz and I will take a moment to remember the momentous occasion a few years ago.

Little did we know what the future would bring with things such as changing my gender markers, etc.

At least one reader of Cyrsti's Condo (Marcia) is ready to embark on a similar journey and reacted to a comment Connie sent in.

I will post Connie's answer in my next post. 

Oil and Water?

A follow up post about the site I recently linked to here on Cyrsti's Condo, will refer to the possibility of bridging the gap between cross dressers and transgender women.

Sometimes I wonder if we are the equivalent of oil and water mixing.

Of course, during the stages of a Mtf gender transition, many of us pass through being what we believe to be a cross dressing period. Then gradually we find,being feminine is a natural way of life for us and we begin to think of ourselves as transgender.

This transition makes it incredibly difficult for us to explain to a spouse, family or friend what is going on with us. Simply wanting to wear clothes of the opposite gender is easier to pass off (no pun intended) than wanting to switch and live full time.

Also, the incredible tiny yet huge differences between the binary genders can not be easily explained or even learned without real life experience.

I do think cross dressers can understand transgender women and vice versa.

It;s hard for me though, to understand the cross dressers who seem to be more interested in posting a selfie, rather than caring what is happening to LGBT rights overall. But there was a time, I was guilty of the same thing. It took me years to figure out when and if someone took the time to tell me "how good I looked" was there a silent "for a man" attached to it?  Plus learning to live a feminine life encompassed so much more than looks or passing.

Maybe I have been chosen to experience binary gender dysphoria and fluid dysphoria in the same life?

Why not?

Time Heals All?

Well, not quite, but at the least, time does have the benefit of softening unpleasant memories.

In a recent comment on a Cyrsti's Condo post, Connie mentions (among other things) the concept of my deceased wife eventually coming to terms with and/or accepting me being a transgender woman:

  "FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 25, 2017 at 11:19 PM

It's coming up on ten years when my wife and I finally started dealing, truthfully, with my gender identity. She had not been happy with my cross dressing, and it was about to end our then 35 years of marriage. We reached an agreement that allowed me to be myself, Connie, on a semi-regular basis, although not with family and old friends. Her one demand, at the time, was that, if I grew breasts, I would be out of here. Over time, we have transitioned together, and she may even feel a little sorry for me that I am unable to undergo HRT for medical reasons. Your wife may have relented over time, as well.

My mother and my brother both died the following April. I regret never even discussing my gender identity with them, even though they had known that I cross dressed when I was young. Their absence from the family get-together was felt today. If only my presence, as the woman I am, could have been felt by them when they were alive.

You're right, perspective is all-important. But, really, when will my Christmas wish come true? "All I want for Christmas is my two front teats, my two front teats, my two front teats...."

Sorry about the loss of your brother and mother and the holidays are a bitter reminder that death is final. As long as someone is still alive, reconciliation is still possible. 

I do think too, my wife and I would have remained friends and she may even have become to respect or even grow fond of the true person I was to become.

As far as those "teats" go, put your best breast forward.